A Lurker Lounge Contest

[Dagni]

ROFL! :lol: My favorite so far, but maybe I'm biased. I have the same fantasy :D


I think you're only officially supposed to have five total entries, not five each of fan-fic and guide, but I say keep 'em coming... :P

[Nicodemus Phaulkon]

Uniforms, High Kicks and a 401K by Polly Ester Chafes.

The situation of personal investment had become untenable as, taking another battle stance in preparation against the Fallen now milling in closer and closer as if sensing her distraction from the fact that the last round of finishing kicks had indeed caused her uniform bottoms to “go ninja” in-between her glutes, Desdemona began to realize that if she truly intended to successfully retire from her career as an assassin; she would have to find a way for her assets to stop bunching in the end.

[Occhidiangela]

I my Zeal to follow Donald O'Connor's guidance in Singing In The Rain: "Make 'em laugh!" That seems to be what Lemming was aiming at. :D

*Stumbles through a wall*

[Walkiry]

(...) and so it became clear that I had a problem in my hands, not because I was in the wrong, although perhaps that's what people might think when they learn I peeked inside his mind (nothing could justify seing myself inside it, riding a horse while naked, and yes, riding), but because Cain's mind was so dirty it kind of got plastered all over my staff and there was no way to remove it now.

[Occhidiangela]

Poor Polly, she could have bought more comfortable clothing for a thong at Emerald_Eyez' Silk and Leather Boutique, just down the street from Elzix Tavern and just north of Greiz' Command Post.

And speaking of Mona, that is what I name all of my Shadow Warriors, thanks to their habit of standing in firewalls in the Arcane Sanctuary and the Durance.

[yangman]

The Lost Runes: a true story
by RuneMule05

"Connection interrupted".

[Bolty]

It was a dark and stormy knight

Slick. :)

-Bolty

[protoshoggoth]

This (Will Be) A Great Victory Indeed

Cain paced the distressed marble floor of the Pandemonium Fortress, fretfully tottering back and forth, back and forth, alternately casting glances at the spot where Corian_Countertop's blue portal would hopefully appear, and the spot where his corpse might suddenly pop into existence, wondering, hoping, praying for the portal to open and Corian to return, perhaps bearing the hope of all (though of Cain moreso than anyone) -- The Lost Horadric Roll, for Cain was weary to death of the endless so-called manna that Tyreal provided for his sustenance, apparently hardtack purchased at a discount rate from Atma before leaving act 2, those many, many weeks before.

[Occhidiangela]

You're on a roll! :D

More, more, I'm still not satisfied.

[Bolty]

Heh heh heh! Nice...

-Bolty

[Fragbait]

Strategy Guide to those who are new to the realms of Diablo II and Lord of Distruction

'If you have played Diablo 1, you know about the different classes Warrior, Rogue and Sorcerer and think that the classes in Diablo II and its Add-On are played similarly - but don't let Blizzard kid you, it is different than how it may appear: Don't play either the Amazon or the Sorceress or the Barbarian at all when you are new to the game because these classes are incredible hard to play even for experts, instead go ahead and choose the druid if you want to be a magic character, for his elemental magics are unmatched in the game, or choose a necromancer if you want a melee fighter that can kill very fast, and if you want a real mass killer that can easily sweep the whole cow level in one quick rush, choose the paladin - beware of the assassin at first and only try her out when you managed to finish the game with the elemental druid, the necromancer and the paladin, for she's already a good piece harder but not quite as hard as the Amazon, Barbarian or Sorceress.'

additional: 'Make sure you follow my instructions, or the game may get too hard for you and you might quit in frustration. Have Fun!'


- Fragbait

[Walkiry]

Few of us have ever survived the encounters in the Chaos Sanctuary, residence of the once mighty Lord of Terror, so I've attempted to put down some sage advice derived from how I, with the right use of curses and allies, managed to beat down the dreaded Burizon, Tweaker Sorceress and a whole array of those ridiculously overpowered foes, which only works in Hardcore, because otherwise they just keep coming!

The Anonymous Oblivion Knight.

[Fragbait]

Lol - That was a good one, Walkiry. Thanks for that :lol: :lol:

Greetings, Fragbait

[kier]

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Can i have 2 votes? Rhydderch Hael is making me cry with laughter. Keep it up!!!

[Walkiry]

Although unusual, starting from the end of a tale seems mandatory when our brave hero, cornered in a tight spot of the Maggot Lair, was overcoming all adversity by slowly but bravely whacking things with his two swords only to have all his forces vanish from his body, and wonder scant seconds before his death about the distant voices of the gods, clearly cursing and mumbling some incoherent verborrhea about "batteries", "wireless" and "keyboard", which remained a mistery for the few instants that separated those events from his death.

Lanilen the Errant Bard.

[Tommi]

Heh. I liked this one, fluent, yet complicated... :D

[Vornzog]

A Portrait of the Sorc as a Cow Runner

ONCE upon a time and a very good time it was there was a bloodthirsty, twoleg, polearm moocow coming down across the moor and this bloodthirsty, twoleg, polearm moocow that was coming down across the moor met a firewallens nasty sorc named lezbo_sorcxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx....

(Ok, ok, I actually met lezbo_zonxxxxxx a couple nights ago - oh well)

First person to name the author gets a cookie! (Check your browser history, I think Bolty already sent it to you... ;))

[davcol]

From the Introduction to The Art and Science of the Hardcore Trap Assassin


While many contend that the epitome of elemental slaying is to be found in the overpowered and ultimately unfulfilling skills available to the Sorceress, and most will agree, at least in Patch 1.09, that its nadir resides in the aimlessly wandering incantations of the Druid, few are aware that there is a middle road, requiring careful planning and cunning strategems, that awaits those willing to tread the noble path afforded by the Trap Assassin.




-davcol

[Walkiry]

In the spirit of the original Diablo, Diablo II and its expansion, Lord of Hatred, require careful planning and hunting for your equipment to come victorious as the ultimate Monster Overthrowing Machine, and with them come new, cool-sounding possibilities like a Strength Cruel War Pike of Evisceration (the ultimate weapon for the most powerful skill in the game, Jab, that can only be obtained with the combination of certain ingredients found through the game and an artifact called the Horadric Scroll) or a Lionheart Black Hades armour (a fine piece of craftmanship that would put the original Diablo's Godly Plate of the Zodiac to shame), all this and more you'll learn through the pages of this indispensable guide for your travels through the realms.

[kandrathe]

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of some fateful slips
that started in the Lurker Lounge,
making nasty quips.

This dude was a mighty restaurant man,
a second rate pissant.
Five flamers had to let flail that day
on a three-page rant, a three-page rant.

The language started getting rough,
the accusations tossed.
If not for the fidelity of the vocal few
the lurkers would be lost,
the lurkers would be lost.

The subject crashed upon his scores of über gear.
With Lightsabers, and Valors too (.08 legit, hardly ever drops),
Wartravs and T-gods,
Baraner’s Star,
Corruption Grips and Strings of Ears,
here on Lurker Lounge!

Now this is the tale of the faithful few.
Been here for a long, long time.
They'll have to make the best of things;
it's an uphill climb.

With Mavfin and Bolty, too,
they did their very best
to make the others comfortable
on this forum, it’s the best.

No spam, no cheats, and etiquette,
not a single hack you’ll see,
like Pete on a Sunday drive,
it's legit as can be.

So join us here each day, my friend,
our opinions here to scrounge
from all the twisted regulars
here on the Lurker Lounge!


:) Sorry it's more than one sentence and therefore not qualified, but I had this thought in my head that needed expressing.