Let's make totally outrageous claims!

[Urza-DSF]

My name is Indigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.

[Copadope]

I once made a totally outrageous claim and everyone believed it! :blink:

Those are my favorite kind of totally outrageous claims! The best believable totally outrageous claims are followed by a short pause, and then "Wait!... Really??" To which it is best to reply with a fabricated statistic to support the believablility.

Some of my favorite memories:

(After watching a person die from getting the top of her skull sliced off with a samurai sword)
"You know, it's a little known fact that the brain is actually allergic to oxygen. That's why she died: the oxygen in the air got to her brain and it swelled up and killed her." -- I momentarily fooled a sophomore biology major with that one :lol:

(While walking through a subway station in DC after a late night concert)
"You know, it's a federal offense to up the down-escalator..."


The key to fooling your friends with outrageous claims? It's all in the delivery. ;)

[Sir_Die_alot]

I am really 3426 years old and the true inventor of the Atkins diet.

[Malakar]

I don't believe it's that bad in b.net. The people there are at least able to live up to lags and realm downs and patches from Buzzard. So I think they are normally developed and moderately intelligent people. If they don't behave like that most of the time, I think that's due to the fact that noone can see 'em and they don't have to deal with the consequences.

And the loudest people tend to be the kids.

[Malakar]

McDonald's food isn't THAT bad for you.

Hey that's not outrageous. Compared to how bad people make it out to be, it's not nearly that bad. Especially if you get a grilled chicken sandwich, and don't get fries (but I can't resist the fries =P).

[Rhydderch Hael]

Had several folks fooled by telling them this:

One of the most important diagnostic operations in a bolt action rifle is determining the gas seal integrity of the closed bolt. Unfortunately, the only way to see if a tight seal is in place is by effectively blocking off the muzzle whilst exterting a change in pressure through the barrel and chamber. To this end, one easy test to determine if the breech is gas-tight is to clamp your mouth over the barrel of the gun and suck as hard as you can to sense any seepage of air. As part of this test, one should pull the trigger at the same time. This is to determine if the seal is broken while the action is cycling.

[Minionman]

The media reports that a study at theuniversity of illinois finds that spinach, broccoli, and asparagus increase eye cancer risk by 20% when eaten from moderate to high amounts over a 5 year period. The same study also showed that a new chemical found in beef, pork, and lamb increases the bodies energy efficincy, lowering free radicals per calory and acrually slowing down aging. Details follow

The claim is that the media would report it. The other stuff is slightly more iffy.

[JustAGuy]

My 9 year-old sister is actually running the country. All this stuff about elections, government, that's just to make us think we have a little bit of control over the system. The prime minister is a figurehead, my sister is actually in control.

Ah, see, she may be running the country, but I INVENTED the government. Actually, I invented and implemented most forms of government used in the world today. I had nothing to do with that American system though, those guys are nuts. Pay for medicare? I'm not that heartless.

Here's an outrageous claim:

The signature at the end of Fragbait's posts is quite reasonably sized. :)

[aaa]

How can you differentiate "odd" Lemming behavior from regular Lemming behavior? That is, what kind of function is it?

Well,
Lemming fuctions by his own rules, therefore if he follows his rules he is behaving as a lemming.

Thus,
If Lemming ceases to fuction by his own rules then he cease to act as he does.

But,
If Lemming truely fuctions by his own rules then there would be no reason to follow his own rules and he would cease to be fuctioning by his own rules whilst following them at the same time.

And,
This leads one to determine that if one is to study Lemming's behavioral patterns that they can then trancend reality by entering into a paradoxical loop, that propels them into an alternate dimension.

Then,
When one who studies Lemming enters that alternate dimension they will then realize that they cannot possibly have reached said alternate dimension because the post-transit flux of the Lemming cycle would have produced a false negative reaction that would instead close the alternate dimension forever.

^
|
| That makes absolute sense.

[Fragbait]

Hi Lochnar,

In all humility, I'll try:

Women are not drawn to me like flies to honey and I am destitute like a panhandler.

:D


Greetings, Fragbait

[Drasca]

I beat Baal in hell NOOD without assigning any stat or skill points.

[begin saber-rattling brag]

That's not so outrageous. I solo' cleared every act boss from normal through hell act I through V (with TP portal help getting there) using store-bought poison throwing potions and a Paladin only leveled because the bosses give extreme exp in spite of the exp handicap for being underleveled. Pally. Shield. Throwing potions, and lots and lots of TP's.

Every boss took hours after nightmare difficulty, but since the Boss health regeneration was nulled by constant poison. They died. Die my pretties DIED at my poison hands. Now if I could only remember who helped me TP there. KoP? Cyrene? Lemmnig? Charis? Who was it.. RBD buddies for sure.

If you want to make a really outrageous claim, pretend you don't know what Diablo is :D

[LemmingofGlory]

John Kerry misspoke. He meant announce John Edward as his running mate, not John Edwards. When reached for comment, Edward said the mistake was understandable and added, "The voices of the restless undead will no longer go unheard in this great country!" Continuing, Edward commented: "With my abilities, John Kerry will have the best cabinet available. Franklin Roosevelt, John Kennedy, Thomas Jefferson, and Jesus Christ are our top considerations. And thanks to his timely death, we're also considering Ronald Reagan."

-Lemmy

[TaMeOlta]

Brittany Spears keeps calling my house and won't quit asking me to take her out ...... :blink:

[Bob]

That two-timing little...

[Copadope]

Here's an outrageous claim:

Either of you two would refuse to go out with Britney Spears if you knew she was seeing other guys. :P

[LochnarITB]

In all humility, I'll try:

Women are not drawn to me like flies to honey and I am destitute like a panhandler.

:D

Humility? Psshhh...

You do realize I must now hate you, don't you?!

Lucky guy... :P

[Fragbait]

Hi Lochnar,

Just lay the blame on the money. Without my wealth, I guess the majority of women who are now drawn to me like flies to honey wouldn't even give me a second glance.
You must know, It's hard to physically attract some gals when you're just a skeleton on a crucifix, falling apart every 2 seconds... :(

B)

Greetings, Fragbait

[Saxywoo]

...To this end, one easy test to determine if the breech is gas-tight is to clamp your mouth over the barrel of the gun and suck as hard as you can to sense any seepage of air. As part of this test, one should pull the trigger at the same time. This is to determine if the seal is broken while the action is cycling.

I invented the Darwin Awards.....

Thank you for the assistance in helping me distribute them....

[Little Faith]

-- Jesus built my Hotrod ................. (name the band :P )

I found out this "rock" thing was true.
Jerry Lee Lewis was the Devil.
Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet.
Suddenly, I found myself in love with the world and the thought the only thin to do was to...

[Drasca]

Pete is not 67! He's 6-to-7 years old! His pet dog has just been helping him all this time.

I successfully seduce a lot of young women with promises of hot dogs and teddy bears--and not with cute cats! Cats who look like Puss'n'boots in Shrek 2 can seduce their own human women, thank you.

Chemical Engineering is easy. Anyone (if they're Jarulf calibur!) can do it but me--but I'll continue this major until I am done. Then I will roast a chicken.

I can cook a gourmet meal with nothing but a stick, seawater, sand and a clear sunny day.

The Egyption mummifcation ritual is the right one. The brain really isn't a vital organ for the afterlife.

Size doesn't matter. Density does.

When my time-traveling car goes 88, the world resets to 1988 and my car just gets older each cycle.

The "Big Bang" was really two rocks and a lit stick of cosmic-firecrackers.

These jokes I made are funny