Birthday Celebrations: where's the line

[Jeunemaitre]

I was out to dinner with my wife and a friend from college last night to celebrate my birthday, and we got into an interesting (at the time anyway) discussion about what is enough, and what is too much when it comes to birthday celebrations.

I took the occasion as an example stating that dinner with a small group is enough for me, but having one of the group tell the waitperson to bring a dessert and sing is much too much. My friend set the bar lower: a card or a call is enough for him, dinner is too much. My wife went the other direction and said that there's no such thing as too much, so long as the well-wishing is sincere and no one gets arrested.

The three of us are roughly the same age, so I don't think the difference was related to age (though my mother stopped celebrating once she reached 60). For my friend, it's because of some regrettable timing of family issues. For me, it's just a question of personal taste.

My question to the lurkers: what's enough and what's too much of a celebration for your birthday? Is there a concrete reason (I don't want you to share your tragic stories unless your therapist says it’s a healthy thing to do) or is it just a question of what you've been raised to feel is appropriate?

[--Pete]

Hi,

Cute question :)

I think that, except for 'special' birthdays, a simple 'Happy Birthday' suffices.

So:

"Happy Birthday, Jeunemaitre" ;)

--Pete

[Treesh]

For me, a hug from the husband with a "Happy Birthday" and a kiss on the cheek or tip of the nose is enough. Anything more than that is usually too much - no cards, no gifts, no parties and for damned sure no singing in restaurants. I don't turn down gifts (isn't that right tal? ;) ) because that would be rude to the person who bought them (and I do usually enjoy the gifts I receive), but I certainly don't expect or ask for any. It's been this way since I was about 8 or 9 years old and I don't really expect it to change anytime soon. :)

[[wcip]Angel]

We always have a family birthday party where we invite uncles, aunts and cousins for cake and coffee. A nice dinner at a semi-fancy restaurant is also quite common, but then it's just the four of us: My parents, my brother and I.

Happy Birthday Jeunemaitre. How many winters have you endured? I will be 22 in 9 days.

[Guest]

I was out to dinner with my wife and a friend from college last night to celebrate my birthday, and we got into an interesting (at the time anyway) discussion about what is enough, and what is too much when it comes to birthday celebrations. 

I took the occasion as an example stating that dinner with a small group is enough for me, but having one of the group tell the waitperson to bring a dessert and sing is much too much.  My friend set the bar lower: a card or a call is enough for him, dinner is too much.  My wife went the other direction and said that there's no such thing as too much, so long as the well-wishing is sincere and no one gets arrested.

The three of us are roughly the same age, so I don't think the difference was related to age (though my mother stopped celebrating once she reached 60).  For my friend, it's because of some regrettable timing of family issues.  For me, it's just a question of personal taste.

My question to the lurkers: what's enough and what's too much of a celebration for your birthday?  Is there a concrete reason (I don't want you to share your tragic stories unless your therapist says it’s a healthy thing to do) or is it just a question of what you've been raised to feel is appropriate?
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There is no such thing as 'too much' for a birthday celebration.You can disagree in the way it could be celebrated,but it would be too sad to refuse something which is sincere,unless you don't like those who celebrate your birthday.As for gifts,the more is the better,at least for my case.
The way your birthday is celebrated,is a clue to know how/how much the people who celebrate it,love you.Really,I don't understand why there should be a 'too much' for celebrating a birthday.
All in all,it is always better than 'too little' or nobody there to celebrate it.

[pakman]

As long as one person remembers and says something is plenty for me. However, when I was a kid, I loved having parties with a bunch of my kid friends at my house, etc. Now that I'm older and my twenty first birthday is in 11 weeks, going to the pub with a friend or two and having dinner and a pint will be enough.

[ShadowHM]

Hi

For me, a simple Happy Birthday is enough, in general.

I did tell my husband that I wanted a surprise birthday party for my 40th birthday, mainly because I wanted to have a party with my friends, and I reckoned that for once, it could be someone else who organized it. :whistling: The surprise was that it took until my 50th birthday before it happened. :blink: Since I had basically given up on the notion, it actually did come as a pleasant surprise. :)

However, in general, once adulthood struck, birthdays were no longer any big deal. Best wishes suffice.

[Jeunemaitre]

Happy Birthday Jeunemaitre. How many winters have you endured? I will be 22 in 9 days.

today makes me 26

[Jeunemaitre]

....
The way your birthday is celebrated,is a clue to know how/how much the people who celebrate it,love you.Really,I don't understand why there should be a 'too much' for celebrating a birthday.
All in all,it is always better than 'too little' or nobody there to celebrate it.

I would think that having someone recognize your feelings and celebrate with you in a way you find to be appropriate would demonstrate their love for you more than a lavish celebration, unless that's what you wanted.

My reason for not wanting "too much" is a sense that it's just another day to everyone but my immediate family, as well as being a completely arbitrary reason to celebrate. If I wanted to I could go about proclaiming that today was the 9496th day-versary of my birthday if I wanted to, but what's the point? It really only functions as a record keeping measure for the individual. My wife has argued that it should be a time to celebrate the good fortune that one has experienced since the last birthday, but I've always favored a standardized fiscal year, prefering to look back over the calandar year, rather than birthday to birthday. But maybe that's just an artifact of when my birthday falls.

All of this aside, the genesis for this feeling of "too much" is an aversion to being the center of attention, especially of large groups.

[Tal]

I don't turn down gifts (isn't that right tal?  ;) ) because that would be rude to the person who bought them (and I do usually enjoy the gifts I receive), but I certainly don't expect or ask for any. 
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:whistling:

I actually sublimate my birthday in favor of a special weekend away at a local Jellystone campgrounds for my daughter's enjoyment. My birthday is in October so I spend the first weekend there with my family and decorate the cabin for Halloween (personal aside I've won an award for best decorations every year now). My daughter gets to go trick or treating during the day on Saturday and there is a dance that the ladies in my family go to in the evening. Its simple and fun. :)

Edit: Oh and Happy Birthday. :)

[kandrathe]

My wife learned the hard way once, about my lower threshold. I was at a dinner as you described with friends, and my wife did secretly indicate to the staff that it was my birthday. I caught on and left my wallet with my wife and left the resturant before the singing wait staff arrived.

I'm a pretty private person, and so I do not like undo attention called upon myself. I don't mind singing Happy Birthday for another, even in public. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JEUNEMAITRE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!

owatanassami :)

[Minionman]

I don't care that much how people celebrate, as long as everyone goes along with it. Personally I wouldn't notice if people forgot my birthday, it's not that important to me except for filling out forms.

[whyBish]

today makes me 26
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Wow, so old!!

I wont reach 26 for another 5 days :P

[whyBish]

as well as being a completely arbitrary reason to celebrate.
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I agree. I'll be working through my birthday during the day, and using the night to pack to head home for Christmas. There is a tradition over here of bringing a cake to work on your birthday which I don't follow for exactly that reason. However, I think I've bought more cackes, fruit etc. to anyone else this year because there has been so much to celebrate that wasn't random (Winning a tennis trophy, graduating for the third time etc.)

[Mephista]

I like to use it as an excuse for getting people together and doing fun things. I mean, getting together is more fun with an excuse. =) I really don't expect presents from anyone (although it's nice if someone gets me something I can use... I don't really like getting gifts that aren't useful).

I'd turn bright red if anyone got a restaurant full of people to sing Happy Birthday to me... don't like that much attention.

I think I'll plan something "big" for my 25th birthday. Hmm, or else something will just happen, thinking about where I'm going to be that weekend. =D

[Jeunemaitre]

Wow, so old!!

I wont reach 26 for another 5 days  :P

I've actually been thinking that I may dump the "jeune-" part of my forum name because I'm not sure I qualify anymore.

[Treesh]

I've actually been thinking that I may dump the "jeune-" part of my forum name because I'm not sure I qualify anymore.
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Pfffft. If you aren't 70 and brittle and frail, you aren't old. Not old = young. ;) Besides, I bet you're still younger than a lot of lurkers here. I know I am and I'm 28. :P

[Occhidiangela]

Two bits of Rogue Philosophy.

1. Happy Birthday, J, may you live to be a year older than you expected to make it.

2. A funny card is all I ever ask for, anything above that is gravy. The laugh from a funny or twisted birthday card, my younger brother is a past master at finding just the right card to make me laugh, is typically just what I need. It can be pulled out a few months later for a new grin when a few bad days have hit.

Some folks like the birthday song at the restaurant, like my mother in law, since they like to be the center of attention. For those folks, get the waiters to sing!

Some folks don't prefer it. So, as always, each gift or favor that one gives to another should be with his or her preferences in mind, not your own. That requires takes getting to know, or knowing, the recipient: perhaps a gift in itself. :D

Occhi