Some thoughts

[Mavfin]

I hope Bolty doesn't mind me putting this in the WoW guild forum instead of the main Lounge forum. This is where my WoW friends are most of the time, anyway. I know I've been kind of scarce lately, and quiet when I have been here. Maybe this will help explain why.


My father passed away Monday morning, the 26th of November, about 4 AM, at the age of 71. He had existed in a half-life of Alzheimer's for the past 5 years or so, with it robbing him of his ability to remember what he was doing, and eventually removing memories of his wife of just over 50 years. I said goodbye to Dad a couple years ago, when he still knew who we all were on good days, and all that's been left has been a shell of the father we all knew. He had finally become too much for my mother to handle, and had spent the last six months or so in a nursing home. I think the end is probably a blessing, for his suffering has ended.

We (my 4 siblings and I) found out this week that my mother, who is 67, has about 3 to 6 months to live. Cancer, in the wrong place, near-untreatable, and if she even gets the strength back to allow the treatment, only another 6 months to a year is the prognosis. Thankfully, Mom is strong enough to make her own decisions on this, and we believe that with Dad gone, she will take the road to go home as soon as she is strong enough and live out what she has left with friends and family.

Mom's not yet gone, and we'll enjoy all the time that she has left. After that....

It's going to be a little hard on all of us, losing them both within a year of each other, if the doctors prove correct, and I see no real reason that they won't. We'll remember how Mom and Dad showed their love for each other for 50 years, and taught us all what it meant. Maybe it's appropriate that two people who lived so closely intertwined should leave this life fairly close together, too. There's five of us, their children, and we'll survive without them, but...

Mom, Dad...you'll be missed.

[--Pete]

Hi,

My condolences for your losses. Words are not enough.

--Pete

[Tal]

Mom, Dad...you'll be missed.

My condolences Mav. If you need to talk to anyone please do not hesitate to call on me...

[LochnarITB]

My sympathies are with you Mav. I hope you are able to put the loss of your father in the best light and make the most of the remaining time with your mom. Your post comes at a time that makes me think as well. We called the ambulance for my mom last night (she is also 71) and we are crossing our fingers that testing reveals nothing critical. It all just kind of screams "hey, wake up - you need to spend more attention to the ones close to you".

[Skky]

The death of loved ones is so deeply personal. No one can tell you how to grieve nor how long the grief will last. I am deeply sorrowful at your loss, Mav.

[Mavfin]

The death of loved ones is so deeply personal. No one can tell you how to grieve nor how long the grief will last. I am deeply sorrowful at your loss, Mav.

I agree. The writing of the post itself seemed to help. That's part of why it's there.

I've got four of my own children to take care of now, and the cycle continues. My own life doesn't stop for their passing, so I have to integrate that into my own life and move on.

[VinnieJones]

Oh man Mav, very sorry to hear that. It's so damn hard watching close family lose to cancer, I've been there before. My thoughts are with you bud, take the best care of yourself you can.

[Sabra]

Mav. ::hugs::

I'm glad you let it out and I'm glad you felt it helped. I'm glad you posted here.

We're here to listen and talk too, when you want distraction.

There is nothing that plomets us faster into the pit of adulthood than the death of a parent.

[Bun-Bun]

My condolences. I know what it's like to lose a parent to an extended illness, though I've been fortunate enough to only go 1 for 2 so far.

[Lissa]

Alzheimers and Cancer are hard things to deal with. My maternal grandfather had Alzheimers and it wasn't fun dealing with some of the things that he did before it got too far out of hand. I didn't see him when he had Alzheimers and have my memories of him a few years before he was diagnosed where he still remembered everyone around him.

Cancer is something I'm far more familiar with with 2 of the 5 sibilings from my Mom's family dying from it (leukemia in the case of the oldest, Marsha, and brain, stomach, and pancreatic in the case of the eldest son, Jim) as well as my mother and her twin sister along with my maternal grandmother all being breast cancer survivors (although my maternal grandmother died from a heart attack a couple years before my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimers). Cancer is a funny one as it can have little effect on someone's ability to function or can be hidden well on how someone functions. In the case of Jim, I saw him 3 months before he died and I couldn't tell he had cancer in anyway, it was only later when Steve, the middle child, mentioned some of the things Jim was asking about when they came down for a family reunion. He was asking where Paul (his son that died to a widowmaker in the winter of '89) was or where the bopper was (his nickname for my paternal grandfather). Steve realized then that the cancer was causing him some dementia, but Jim was still functioning well enough that the rest of us didn't realize just how far along his cancer was. Luckily we (me and my parents) got one last chance to see him and said our goodbyes, we didn't realize this would be the final ones, but it atleast left us with a memory of him.

All I can say at this point is try to spend as much time with your mother as you can, but realize also that estimates by the doctors can be off, you mother may live longer than they estimate (Steve above has had numerous heart attacks, several bypasses, was said that he wouldn't live to see 50 because he had some massive heart attacks in his 40s and is now in his mid 60s). Make her comfortable, hope that she isn't in pain, and that the doctors' estimates are off and she lives longer and can enjoy some of the achievements of her grandchildren.

[Tuftears]

Sorry to hear that, best wishes, Mav! I agree, spend a lot of time with your parents if you can.

[Jester]

My condolences, Mav. Alzheimer's is especially rough on the family. I know it can't be an easy time for you, and I hope your memories can offer some support.

-Jester

[Munkay]

I send my condolences to you and your family. Our family very recently lost a family matriarch to an inoperable brain tumor, and unfortunately know all too well the bittersweet feeling of 'borrowed time'.

There are no words I can say, but my deep condolences on the loss of your father and great hope for the longest quality time remaining with your mother.

-Munk

[Kirayla]

I wish you the best Mav in your struggles, I recently lost my Grandmother to cancer and i know how hard it can be to lose someone that close to you. May the light shine for you soon:)

-Kira

[Magix]

Mav...
I am sorry for your loss... you're right the cycle continues, but... that doesn't stop the feelings.. if there is anything that you need, that I could do... would be happy to

-Magix