Love

[TaiDaishar]

Since I'm the biggest idiot on the face of the earth I let myself fall in love with a girl from my school, we talk a lot and I think she likes me too (or the exact opposite, I am an idiot after all).

And now for two days I'm tormented with thoughts about her, I'm clueless and I just can't get my mind off of her no matter how much I tried, I ran 2000 meters today in order to exaust(sp?) myself to not think about her but even though I royally kicked my own ass I never stopped thinking of her.

I have no idea why I'm writing this, I guess I just need to let it out... I'm such an idiot.

[Jeunemaitre]

I have no idea why I'm writing this, I guess I just need to let it out... I'm such an idiot.

Letting things out, and/or falling in love are not the hallmarks of idiocy. On the other hand, keeping things internally and refusing to allow yourself to explore your own emotions may put you on the path to the dark side.

I won't pretend to be wise in the ways of love or courtship, but there's a difference between being in love with someone, and being infatuated with someone. If you're feeling tormented, you might want to examine your feelings closely and decide if what you feel is love or something like it (I know, I know, I'm opening myself to the "If it feels like love, isn't it love?" question, but hey, I don't have a choice).

One actual word of advice: physical exertion never helped me take my mind of off something, it just made me more likely to trip and fall because I wasn't paying attention to where I was stepping. If you do need a mental change of pace, I'd recommend learning something new about a subject that interests you, ex: when I was in college and could think of nothing but my girlfriend (whom I'm now married to) I would always read a chapter or two ahead in my calculus textbook because it was challenging, interesting, and required close attention. It usually worked for me.

[TaiDaishar]

If you're feeling tormented, you might want to examine your feelings closely and decide if what you feel is love or something like it

I'm quite sure it is love, believe me, I pondered about this A LOT.

As for your advice, physical training usually helps me a lot to clear things off my mind, studying never was my cup of relaxing tea, so thanks but no thanks.

[kandrathe]

Man! My advice is to do something about it. If I could go back and talk to a 16 yr old version of me, I'd tell him to take more chances and believe in yourself. I had figured that out by the time I was 21, but those 5 years between 16 and 21 are murder. My findings, in a nutshell. The straight ahead approach usually comes off as lame and pathetic, so I found that for me, that the more indirect, research and act approach works better. Find out what she likes to do, is involved in, and arrange for your life and her life to intersect in more places. If it is meant to be, you will find and bond on some common interest and it will happen then.

"If thou rememberst not the slightest folly that ever love did make thee run into, thou has not loved." --William Shakespeare

"Love is not blind, it sees more not less; But because it sees more it chooses to see less." --Rabbi Julins Gordon

"You never lose by loving, you lose by holding back."----Barbara De Angelis

[BobThePumpkin]

love is all about the penis and vagina

*waves goodbye*

[kandrathe]

When people ask me what is wrong with the internet, I'll send them to your lame site. Nice try for attention, loser. All you have done is add to your opposition. I think I'm going to go right now an suggest your site to Web Pages That Suck.

Too ANYONE else reading this. DO NOT GO TO HIS SITE as it is rife with Ad hacks and install popups and all other forms of hacker evil.

[Occhidiangela]

You talk a lot, so invite her to come run 2000 meters with you. :)

Invite her to . . . well, the world is full of hundreds of things to do together.

But if you like her, if you are drawn to her, why stop thinking about her? The only reason to stop thinking about her is to get her into your presense so you can experience her.

Best of luck.

"He who will not risk cannot win."
-=John Paul Jones=-

[[wcip]Angel]

Nothing/Tenacious

[TaiDaishar]

I never said it was unrequited love, I'm quite sure she has some feelings for me (whether they really are love or she just likes me I have no idea), I'm just tormented due to the fact I want to be with her all the time, but I can't and I'm not.

P.S this site sure makes me grateful I put dictionary.com in my favorites.

[Taem]

That feeling you get in the bottom of your stomach when your pulse races and your eyes dilate when you see this person... this is lust. Unless your willing to die for this person and give UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, then its only a phase. Sorry to break it to you :P . The Greek language best describes love in five different ways:

Aros - Erotic love
Philo - Brotherly love
Agape - Unconditional Love

... :( oh crap... Mind having a complete blank-out. Oh well. I'm sure this isin't what you want to hear, but desite that nagging feeling in your heart telling you this is for real and not the same feeling you get when you look at nudie magazines or in the girls locker-room, I'd place your feelings for this person in the Aros category of love, and until you honestly know how she feels about you, your feelings are only betraying yourself. Take a chance and ask her if she'd like to spend some time with you. Once you get to know her, then you can surmise rather it is really love or not :D .

[Saxywoo]

That feeling you get in the bottom of your stomach when your pulse races and your eyes dilate when you see this person... this is lust.  Unless your willing to die for this person and give UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, then its only a phase.  Sorry to break it to you  :P .  The Greek language best describes love in five different ways:

Aros - Erotic love
Philo - Brotherly love
Agape - Unconditional Love

...  :(  oh crap...  Mind having a complete blank-out.  Oh well.  I'm sure this isin't what you want to hear, but desite that nagging feeling in your heart telling you this is for real and not the same feeling you get when you look at nudie magazines or in the girls locker-room, I'd place your feelings for this person in the Aros category of love, and until you honestly know how she feels about you, your feelings are only betraying yourself.  Take a chance and ask her if she'd like to spend some time with you.  Once you get to know her, then you can surmise rather it is really love or not  :D .

My Reply

I'm no linguist, but I thought that was Latin! Well, you learn something new everyday.


My .02
Be careful about wanting to spend all of your time with her. She may be creeped out and say "get lost." That's when the stalker status comes into play for you. You don't want that.

If you do start spending time together, don't think that things are going to take off right away. Though I am unsure about your age, I've noticed that there are a lot more people that are ready and willing for a quick roll in the sack, but don't want the emotional side to a relationship. If that does happen and she takes off, don't beat yourself up for it. Someone like that is not work dying for. But the important thing to do in that case is learn from it. Learn what you did wrong/warning signs that you missed.

The fact that there is that physical attraction is only the first step. Does she also attract you intellectually? If yes, then great! If not, I'm sorry to tell you that it's either infatuation or lust. Either way this thing goes, be prepared to be content just having a friendship. But the second that you start thinking along the lines of a "friend with benefits," warning sirens should go off in your head and it's time to pull up on the stick (in aviation terms - not the other way...).

No matter what happens, and where this goes, good luck. That's my .02

SaxyCorp
(happily married with 2 kids)

[TaiDaishar]

We know each other for a few months already and we talk a lot, it is not lust, I never fell in love with someone's look and I know how lust feels like, this is much much more.

As for saxywoo, thanks for your advice, I'm aware of the fact I can creep her out and I'm taking precautions, I don't want to lose her.

I talked to her lately and I found out how she feels (without exposing my own): nothing, nothing romantic at least so for now I'll try to act normal around her and hopefully through time it'll develop(e?) to something more than just friendship.

[Roland]

Good ol' Roland playing doctor love once again. How I get myself into these roles, I'll never know. ;)

On to the topic at hand, however...

. . .

Actually, scratch that. I just looked at the clock, and I am WAY late for my Halloween date. :blink: Erk. I'll come back to this thread later tonight, or sometime tomorrow - whenever I get a chance. For now, I'll leave you with one bit of advice: play video games. Nothing, and I mean nothing, gets your mind off a girl like a good, involving game (not necessarily a deep game, but just one that really sucks you in). FF3 and Chrono Trigger always worked wonders for me, but a good platform shooter, or whatever else you're into, would do just as well as any RPG. Whenever I need to reflect, I go for a drive, but sometimes reflection is not the best remedy. Running until you drop is no different than driving - while your body works, your mind is free to roam wherever it wishes. BAD move. You need to zone out - literally! Rent a good movie, or go watch one at a theater. Grab some friends and have a video game party (oh how much I miss those old SF2 tournaments at 3 AM on the SNES), or play solo (or online). Read a book, build a computer, do ANYTHING that absorbs all your attention, either through concentration, or complete abstraction. Your body, and your mind, will feel a LOT better once you get a break from your feelings, and it will put you in a better situation to deal with things. Most importantly: have FUN! If you're bored, you won't be absorbed, and you'll be right back to square one. Matters of the heart are tricky to combat. That's why you just have to not play the "game" for awhile. ;)

I'm off for now, but I'll write more when I get a chance (man, this turned out to be longer than intended already! And I'm even MORE late! ERK! :ph34r:).

[TaiDaishar]

Lately I've lost my taste for video games, I read books problem is that I read and think different things at the same time so it's not much help for me :(.

I am going out a lot more though (not necessarily with friends) and am planning to go to the theatre with a few friends tomorrow.

Thanks for all your advices, it's nice to know I can ask you all for help, actually since I know her true feelings I am feeling a little bit better (it stings but at least I know what she feels).

[[wcip]Angel]

I never said it was unrequited love.

No, I meant me ;)

[kandrathe]

I'm reminded of that old saying, "To know me is to love me." Other than in some extraordinary cases where looks, hormones, and circumstances offer us examples of "love at first sight", "love" takes time to develop. So I would play it cool, work on your friendship -- in fact, focus only on that. Then, also, you can work on yourself. Have confidence in who and what you are, but be willing to improve. How can you become more loveable? Be a better friend? Be a better man?

If you are already the bomb, and she don't see it, then move on. In fact, if I remember back to those days, the less I tried the more women were attracted to me. This one time in college, I was talking to this girl after class about physics, and she just up and kissed me. She was pretty, and guys were always fawning over her. I was one of the rare ones who just talked to her as a human being. I guess she liked that.

[loonygloss]

That feeling you get in the bottom of your stomach when your pulse races and your eyes dilate when you see this person... this is lust.  Unless your willing to die for this person and give UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, then its only a phase.  Sorry to break it to you  :P .  The Greek language best describes love in five different ways:

Aros - Erotic love
Philo - Brotherly love
Agape - Unconditional Love

...  :(  oh crap...  Mind having a complete blank-out.  Oh well.  I'm sure this isin't what you want to hear, but desite that nagging feeling in your heart telling you this is for real and not the same feeling you get when you look at nudie magazines or in the girls locker-room, I'd place your feelings for this person in the Aros category of love, and until you honestly know how she feels about you, your feelings are only betraying yourself.  Take a chance and ask her if she'd like to spend some time with you.  Once you get to know her, then you can surmise rather it is really love or not  :D .

Pretty sure that that's Eros, from which you get the word erotic :) Those Greeks. They sure had a few different words for love didn't they? There's also Storgi, or charity/loyalty but I don't know what the fifth one is either.

The Greeks seemed to have a different point of view to us - we(or the media) hold up romance and emotional love (eros), along with sex/lust (Not really eros, or at least, only one component of it). The Greeks considered loves like philos to be more edifying, as they seemed the most seperate from our instincts and biology, the most indicative of our status above the beasts.

Hopefully there's no Greek scholar out there to tell me that I've completely misinterpreted all of this. :)

But I echo others in saying that you should just spend time with her and get to know her better. Attempt to cultivate philo and agape, as that is what will last. Romantic love usually fizzles in a few years without a solid backing in these two.

[Vandiablo]

For the original question, "How do I stop thinking about her all the time?" The best solution for this is to, with as much effort as you can muster, strike yourself in the head with a hammer.

(Hmm, this may explain my physical reaction sometimes when I'm playing a hammerdin....)

As for kandrathe,

This one time in college, I was talking to this girl after class about physics, and she just up and kissed me. She was pretty, and guys were always fawning over her. I was one of the rare ones who just talked to her as a human being. I guess she liked that.

...so she turned around and treated you like a sex object! heh. Maybe, like a lot of people, she was turned on by physics.

[kandrathe]

Well... I found out later, her dad was a physics professor. Wait, it gets better. Her dad was MY physics professor. Talk about your soap operas.

[Occhidiangela]

But that is a short term solution.

For longer term, opening one's eyes and seeing all of the other ladies out there who may be worthy of your love. Lots of them out there, just open the old eyeballs, open the possibilities.