11-13-2004, 03:35 AM
Disclaimer: I'm having fun with this, not bashing the game. Just getting a chuckle. This is from the official Blizzard forums. The original post is here.
So while I was waiting for the servers to come back up after this most excellent patch, I watched the opening cinematics. I realized, after a time, that as epic and amazing as the characters portrayed in the movie appear, the truth of the matter is much more mundane. Let's take a scene by scene look at these seemingly amazing things, and shed some light on the reality.
As our movie starts out, we see what is obviously a rugged-looking Dwarven Hunter, his trusty bear at his side. As you see him crest the mountain and gaze upon Ironforge, you get the sense that he is returning from a hard scouting mission or is tracking some enemies through the area. But then you have to remember, this is Dun Morogh...that Dwarf is looking for a quest! He's level 10 at least, or he wouldn't have the pet, and he's finished the 3 quests in the zone already. He's hoping that maybe, beyond that next rise, will be a quest NPC for him. Sadly he is mistaken. Silly Dwarf, if it's quests you want, go to Elwynn Forest.
Now, in our next scene we see what is later revealed to be a Night Elf Druid, carefully examining a weapon she found on the ground, before dropping it and running through the forest. Now, you might think she's tracking her prey and is hot on the trail by the looks of that broken sword. If you strip away the theatrics though, you realize that she's simply trying to loot a monster, only to find her bags are full; at which point she dashes off to town in order to sell.
Next, on our wild adventures, we come face to face with a gruesome Undead Warlock, who taints the very earth he stands on. His impressive pose and towering Infernal minion don't fool me though. That Warlock is obviously so insanely happy that Infernal and Felhunter pets are finally in that all he can do is stand there and shout.
Moo-ving right along, our next scene takes us to a plateau where we see what could be argued to being a Tauren Shaman overlooking the plains below, and sprinkling some powder in to the wind. It's so mysterious and mystical...not! That Tauren is probably working on the Shaman Fire Totem quest and he can't find the path to the fire shrine, so he's lost. It's your and my best guess as to what that powder is. Probably the last remains of his sanity as he continues the search in the completely wrong zone. "What do you mean it's in Durotar?"
Next we have a ferocious looking Orc, swinging a deadly looking club around in a menacing manner. Practicing for war, maybe? No, this Orc is a newbie and he's playing with all the emotes. /roar indeed...
The last of our solo scenes involves a Human Mage, perched atop a ruined tower and hurling fireballs at an infernal who is climbing up to meet him. An epic battle, to be sure! That is, until you strip away the fluff and realize that he is fighting the Infernal minion of the Warlock from the previous scene, who's managed to stop cackling with glee long enough to attack the Mage. The reason you don't see the Warlock anywhere is because he's been turned in to a sheep and is wandering around off camera.
Our next scene shows our rugged Dwarf take aim and engage the powder-sprinkling Tauren. So fierce as the bear charges in and is knocked deftly aside by the tremendous blow from the Tauren. What you see, when you look at it more realistically, is that the Hunter fired Concussive Shot at the Tauren and sent his pet in to try to give himself a head start in running away. There's no way a Hunter could beat a Shaman; even one who can't figure out the Fire Totem quest. He'll rez his pet later.
Next we see an Infernal running at the camera. There really isn't anything impressive about that, so let's move on.
Now our newbie Orc and Night Elf are engaged in mortal combat. Our Orc seems to be winning, he's pushing the Elf back! Right? Wrong! That newbie Orc can't even hit the Druid. She's obviously much higher level than he is, and isn't fighting back for fear of getting Dishonor points. She's probably telling her guild "wtf, some n00b is attacking me but he can't hit me".
Lastly we see our Human Mage calling forth an Ice Storm. The Dwarf, having successfully escaped from the Shaman, is probably looking on and saying, "Ah, Winter...yes, Winter," and thinking how great it would be for chilling beer. That, or reminiscing about the time he could have sworn Dwarves could be Mages too...
Now the mundane can seem amazing if you look at it right. You, too, can share in this epic adventure! Order World of Warcraft today!!!!1!11one
-Bolty
So while I was waiting for the servers to come back up after this most excellent patch, I watched the opening cinematics. I realized, after a time, that as epic and amazing as the characters portrayed in the movie appear, the truth of the matter is much more mundane. Let's take a scene by scene look at these seemingly amazing things, and shed some light on the reality.
As our movie starts out, we see what is obviously a rugged-looking Dwarven Hunter, his trusty bear at his side. As you see him crest the mountain and gaze upon Ironforge, you get the sense that he is returning from a hard scouting mission or is tracking some enemies through the area. But then you have to remember, this is Dun Morogh...that Dwarf is looking for a quest! He's level 10 at least, or he wouldn't have the pet, and he's finished the 3 quests in the zone already. He's hoping that maybe, beyond that next rise, will be a quest NPC for him. Sadly he is mistaken. Silly Dwarf, if it's quests you want, go to Elwynn Forest.
Now, in our next scene we see what is later revealed to be a Night Elf Druid, carefully examining a weapon she found on the ground, before dropping it and running through the forest. Now, you might think she's tracking her prey and is hot on the trail by the looks of that broken sword. If you strip away the theatrics though, you realize that she's simply trying to loot a monster, only to find her bags are full; at which point she dashes off to town in order to sell.
Next, on our wild adventures, we come face to face with a gruesome Undead Warlock, who taints the very earth he stands on. His impressive pose and towering Infernal minion don't fool me though. That Warlock is obviously so insanely happy that Infernal and Felhunter pets are finally in that all he can do is stand there and shout.
Moo-ving right along, our next scene takes us to a plateau where we see what could be argued to being a Tauren Shaman overlooking the plains below, and sprinkling some powder in to the wind. It's so mysterious and mystical...not! That Tauren is probably working on the Shaman Fire Totem quest and he can't find the path to the fire shrine, so he's lost. It's your and my best guess as to what that powder is. Probably the last remains of his sanity as he continues the search in the completely wrong zone. "What do you mean it's in Durotar?"
Next we have a ferocious looking Orc, swinging a deadly looking club around in a menacing manner. Practicing for war, maybe? No, this Orc is a newbie and he's playing with all the emotes. /roar indeed...
The last of our solo scenes involves a Human Mage, perched atop a ruined tower and hurling fireballs at an infernal who is climbing up to meet him. An epic battle, to be sure! That is, until you strip away the fluff and realize that he is fighting the Infernal minion of the Warlock from the previous scene, who's managed to stop cackling with glee long enough to attack the Mage. The reason you don't see the Warlock anywhere is because he's been turned in to a sheep and is wandering around off camera.
Our next scene shows our rugged Dwarf take aim and engage the powder-sprinkling Tauren. So fierce as the bear charges in and is knocked deftly aside by the tremendous blow from the Tauren. What you see, when you look at it more realistically, is that the Hunter fired Concussive Shot at the Tauren and sent his pet in to try to give himself a head start in running away. There's no way a Hunter could beat a Shaman; even one who can't figure out the Fire Totem quest. He'll rez his pet later.
Next we see an Infernal running at the camera. There really isn't anything impressive about that, so let's move on.
Now our newbie Orc and Night Elf are engaged in mortal combat. Our Orc seems to be winning, he's pushing the Elf back! Right? Wrong! That newbie Orc can't even hit the Druid. She's obviously much higher level than he is, and isn't fighting back for fear of getting Dishonor points. She's probably telling her guild "wtf, some n00b is attacking me but he can't hit me".
Lastly we see our Human Mage calling forth an Ice Storm. The Dwarf, having successfully escaped from the Shaman, is probably looking on and saying, "Ah, Winter...yes, Winter," and thinking how great it would be for chilling beer. That, or reminiscing about the time he could have sworn Dwarves could be Mages too...
Now the mundane can seem amazing if you look at it right. You, too, can share in this epic adventure! Order World of Warcraft today!!!!1!11one
-Bolty
Quote:Considering the mods here are generally liberals who seem to have a soft spot for fascism and white supremacy (despite them saying otherwise), me being perma-banned at some point is probably not out of the question.
