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04-04-2005, 06:04 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-04-2005, 06:05 PM by Lady Vashj.)
Fill in the blank, insert your own punchline. That simple.
Examples:
How many tenors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He holds the bulb in the socket and the world revolves around him.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They can't. They sit in the dark and cry.
How many calculus professors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
(d/dx (x^2))/2x.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side.
How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I'm very glad you asked that particular question, and I'd be more than happy to answer it after giving it some due thought. But in the meantime, what I'd really like to talk about is....
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How many cockroaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They can't screw it in, they're scared of the light.
I may be dead, but I'm not old (source: see lavcat)
The gloves come off, I'm playing hardball. It's fourth and 15 and you're looking at a full-court press. (Frank Drebin in The Naked Gun)
Some people in forums do the next best thing to listening to themselves talk, writing and reading what they write (source, my brother)
Posts: 475
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How many college bureaucrats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Freshmen and sophomores, as well as juniors and seniors under the age of 20, are not allowed to have lightbulbs. If a student who is not eligible to possess a lightbulb feels that one is absolutely necessary, he or she may file an appeal with Housing Services before a week ago yesterday. Students who are not yet 20 years old before the beginning of the fall semester, but turn 20 before the beginning of the winter semester, may file a change-of-status form at Housing Services within five hours of their birthday.
How many college bureaucrats does it take to screw over a student?
Just the one.... :angry:
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How does Bill Gates change a lightbulb?
He doesn't. He simply declares darkness to be the new industry standard.
-G.
Even the mountains
Last not forever:
Someday they, too, shall
Crumble to dust.
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Grayloch,Apr 4 2005, 03:23 PM Wrote:How does Bill Gates change a lightbulb?
He doesn't. He simply declares darkness to be the new industry standard.
-G.
[right][snapback]72960[/snapback][/right]
:lol: Perfect
How many marketing employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
13. 12 to spend billions in market research, and one to declare the lightbulb unsafe for home usage without professional installation.
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04-05-2005, 12:28 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-05-2005, 12:40 AM by Obi2Kenobi.)
How many apartment owning bureaucrats does it take...
Lady Vashj,Apr 4 2005, 04:03 PM Wrote:How many college bureaucrats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Freshmen and sophomores, as well as juniors and seniors under the age of 20, are not allowed to have lightbulbs. If a student who is not eligible to possess a lightbulb feels that one is absolutely necessary, he or she may file an appeal with Housing Services before a week ago yesterday. Students who are not yet 20 years old before the beginning of the fall semester, but turn 20 before the beginning of the winter semester, may file a change-of-status form at Housing Services within five hours of their birthday.[right][snapback]72955[/snapback][/right] ...Moreover, the Housing Services will only accept applications filed, by hand, on form E26-309--\\4Fk, in triplicate, unless the student is attempting to receive a fluorescent light bulb, in which case they are elligable to use form E26-309--\\4Fk EZ, but must then file their application by computer in blue ink on a red, green, blue, and orange form, or the date, when written in base 17 while using a 3 month calender, ends in the the number D as the final digit, or if a triumvirate* of the governor, land lord, and student body of the local high school are able to decide upon a mutually (mutually being considered a supermajority, with each member of the triumvirate having a weighted vote+) beneficial agreement, barring...
*See the Triumvirate Light Bulb Act, article 9, section 5, sub-section 9.3.001.2, paragraph 14, sub-paragraph 6.8, sentence 8, clause 4.
+See page 6, footnote 19.
#...
Quote:How many calculus professors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
(d/dx (x^2))/2x.
How many annoying know-it-all students does it take to correct the proffessor by saying that it could be greatly simplified by restating that as (x^2)/2?
1, if I'm in the room. ;)
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04-05-2005, 04:50 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-05-2005, 04:51 AM by Chaerophon.)
Quote:How many annoying know-it-all students does it take to correct the proffessor by saying that it could be greatly simplified by restating that as (x^2)/2?
1, if I'm in the room. ;)
[right][snapback]72969[/snapback][/right]
:D
But whate'er I be,
Nor I, nor any man that is,
With nothing shall be pleased till he be eased
With being nothing.
William Shakespeare - Richard II
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How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two. How they get in there is another story...
How many astronomers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, astronomers do it in the dark!
How many quantum physics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Doesn't matter, when they eventually find the lampsocket they don't know were the new bulb went.
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one not to change it.
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a
surprising twist at the end.
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but in reality it is only one.
How many Lurkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
http://www.lurkerlounge.com/forums/index.p...709&#entry63709
How many people partying does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five, one to hold the bulb and the others to drink until the room starts to spin!
And a slightly different one that I leave up to you to answer:
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
Finally, for the swedes:
Jag svalde en glödlampa igår.
Va hemskt! Vad hände?
Lös i magen....
There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.
Posts: 86
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04-05-2005, 01:29 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-05-2005, 03:32 PM by Attika.)
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but the lightbulb has to _want_ to change.
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04-05-2005, 03:38 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-05-2005, 03:39 PM by Jeunemaitre.)
Lady Vashj,Apr 4 2005, 01:04 PM Wrote:Fill in the blank, insert your own punchline. That simple.
How many biostatisticians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It depends on your estimated mean effect size and your desired level of certainty.
How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb if they practice the Socratic method?
Well, how many do you think it will take?
ah bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bob
dyah ah dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dth
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Lady Vashj,Apr 4 2005, 12:04 PM Wrote:How many tenors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
[right][snapback]72933[/snapback][/right]
How many real men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, real men are not afraid of the dark.
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to do it and four to share the experience.
\
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
You talkin to me, pal?
How many Texans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Down here we use gas lamps, podner. Set down and have yourself a nice cold Lone Star beer, some armadillo enchilada pie, and enjoy the view from the porch while we wait for my cousin to bring some more gas down here to the ranch.
How many Arabs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they use oil lamps.
How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
So who needs to screw in a light bulb, already? Eat your dinner.
How many romantics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness, and it's more romantic!
How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Changing a light bulb is beneath a liberal's dignity, they hire illegal aliens to do work Americans don't want to do.
How many Occhi's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. My wife still thinks the kids are going to fall off the %$^#&* ladder.
Occhi
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
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Occhidiangela,Apr 5 2005, 11:28 AM Wrote:
How many Occhi's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. My wife still thinks the kids are going to fall off the %$^#&* ladder.
Occhi
[right][snapback]73043[/snapback][/right]
Who holds the ladder?
And you may call it righteousness
When civility survives,
But I've had dinner with the Devil and
I know nice from right.
From Dinner with the Devil, by Big Rude Jake
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ShadowHM,Apr 5 2005, 10:33 AM Wrote:Who holds the ladder?
[right][snapback]73044[/snapback][/right]
None. I ain't afraid of heights. :D
Occhi
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 1,034
Threads: 42
Joined: May 2004
Occhidiangela,Apr 5 2005, 10:28 AM Wrote:How many real men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, real men are not afraid of the dark.
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to do it and four to share the experience.
\
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
You talkin to me, pal?
How many Texans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Down here we use gas lamps, podner. Set down and have yourself a nice cold Lone Star beer, some armadillo enchilada pie, and enjoy the view from the porch while we wait for my cousin to bring some more gas down here to the ranch.
[right][snapback]73043[/snapback][/right]
How many Ohioans does it take t oscrew in a mightbulb?
They can't. The light bulb twisting factory went out of buisiness.
(could also work for Detroit, Gary, or other similar areas)
How many high schoolers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. they wait till just before the switch gets flicked, and do it at the last minute.
How many religious nuts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Light is a gift of god, and it is sinful for humans to tamper with this holy phenomenon.
How many Wisconsonians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Huh? Wisconsin has it's own light bulb joke?
(Joke is about how some states have special things they're known for, others don't)
How many plumbers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but he gets electrocuted since water and electricity don't mix.
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
I may be dead, but I'm not old (source: see lavcat)
The gloves come off, I'm playing hardball. It's fourth and 15 and you're looking at a full-court press. (Frank Drebin in The Naked Gun)
Some people in forums do the next best thing to listening to themselves talk, writing and reading what they write (source, my brother)
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Occhidiangela,Apr 5 2005, 01:24 PM Wrote:None. I ain't afraid of heights. :D
Occhi
[right][snapback]73049[/snapback][/right]
Its not the heights that is the problem sir. Its the sudden stop at the end of the drop. :)
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Tal,Apr 5 2005, 02:09 PM Wrote:Its not the heights that is the problem sir. Its the sudden stop at the end of the drop. :)
[right][snapback]73074[/snapback][/right]
AH, but you see, I do not subscribe to the chicken little school of home safety.
Risk management is something I exercise. One does not need two people to do the job if one sets the ladder up correctly, and one repositions it as work progresses.
Falling off of ladders is usually the consequence of incorrect positioning or reaching for an area you should have repositioned the ladder for in the first place.
My two lire
Occhi
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 87
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2003
Jarulf,Apr 5 2005, 02:28 AM Wrote:And a slightly different one that I leave up to you to answer:
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
[right][snapback]73013[/snapback][/right] You can't unscrew a pregnant woman. :rolleyes:
--Copadope
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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hey, let's go ride bikes!
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation - Henry David Thoreau
Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and at the rate I'm going, I'm going to be invincible.
Chicago wargaming club
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How many Doc's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. I ignite my own farts to light the way. :w00t:
All alone, or in twos,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall.
"Isn't this where...."
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04-06-2005, 07:21 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-06-2005, 07:43 AM by Archon_Wing.)
How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ask yourself, does the light bulb really exist?
How many secret agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
How many music industry exectutives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to actualy change the light bulb, another to copyright the term "light bulb," another to copyright their light bulb screwing method, and finally a last one to go out and sue infringers.
How many Peons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well that depends; you could get away with one, but the optimal number is usually five. Any extra peons have no additional effect.
How many Grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Grunts are meant to destroy light bulbs. Use peons instead.
How many Gheeds does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why bother? He'll sell you three and hire a mercenary to do it for you for 1000 gold and that Windforce.
How many Blizzard employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the light bulb, and nine to "patch" problems caused by the changing of the light bulb.
How many battle.net players are needed to screw in a light bulb?
Five? Duh, noob.
How many Everquest players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. They just need to type ghtbulb
How many RPG players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seven. One to tank, one to heal, two to cast buffs, one to cast debuffs, one to use ranged attacks, and finally one to leech.
How many Affirmative Action advocates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes so that every ethnicity is properly represented and credited with changing this light bulb.
With great power comes the great need to blame other people.
Guild Wars 2: (ArchonWing.9480)
Battle.net (ArchonWing.1480)
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