The Corrupted Wish Game

[Jeunemaitre]

I wish there was more to do besides a bunch of "social" junk.
[right][snapback]94383[/snapback][/right]

Fear not my friend, for the internet shall grant your wish. "Social junk" be damned, you've got all you'll ever need to do right before your dried out, blood-shot, unbelieving eyes. Just a two feet or so in front of your face is the most powerful (-ly depressing) form of personal (degradation) entertainment known to (un-) civilized man. You've got page after page of (soul scarring) entertainment at the beck and call of a few key-strokes or mouse-clicks. And it's all only as social as you want it to be (in a ridiculously fraudulent kind of way). You can, in fact, watch as society (-ies) crumble before your very eyes as the shining pillars that support it (Truth, Justice, and the Non-Country-Specific Way™) are replaced with the flimsy buttresses of Assumed Digital Identity, Consumption Based Economy, and Porn. There's so little to do, and so much time... scratch that, reverse it. But make me a promise: never forget that the internet makes you stupid.

I wish that I had more time to read.
If you take the easy route (by making me un-employed), I'll spam your inbox with pictures of badgers (or lamas, or terrible ayb photoshops), so help me.

[Minionman]

Fear not my friend, for the internet shall grant your wish.  "Social junk" be damned, you've got all you'll ever need to do right before your dried out, blood-shot, unbelieving eyes.  Just a two feet or so in front of your face is the most powerful (-ly depressing) form of personal (degradation) entertainment known to (un-) civilized man.  You've got page after page of (soul scarring) entertainment at the beck and call of a few key-strokes or mouse-clicks.  And it's all only as social as you want it to be (in a ridiculously fraudulent kind of way).  You can, in fact, watch as society (-ies) crumble before your very eyes as the shining pillars that support it (Truth, Justice, and the Non-Country-Specific Way™) are replaced with the flimsy buttresses of Assumed Digital Identity, Consumption Based Economy, and Porn.  There's so little to do, and so much time... scratch that, reverse it.  But make me a promise: never forget that the internet makes you stupid.

I wish that I had more time to read.
If you take the easy route (by making me un-employed), I'll spam your inbox with pictures of badgers (or lamas, or terrible ayb photoshops), so help me.
[right][snapback]94478[/snapback][/right]

Granted. i have a way for you to keep your job and read at the same time. Just take a cup of cofee with increasing amounts of amphetemines when you start feeling sleepy. You now have between 6-8 hours each day for extra reading, though you will go a little nutty and probably forget what you read. You will also probably get fired, though not as a direct effect of my wish. :)


I wish I could be looked up to as more than just the guy who gets good chemistry grades.

[Jeunemaitre]

I wish I could be looked up to as more than just the guy who gets good chemistry grades.
[right][snapback]94483[/snapback][/right]

Hey man, don't sell yourself short. You may not know it, but people also look up to you as the fashion leader for your striking look in safety goggles and a lab coat.

I wish I was not required to attend 10 hours of training in the next two days.

[Minionman]

Hey man, don't sell yourself short.  You may not know it, but people also look up to you as the fashion leader for your striking look in safety goggles and a lab coat.

I wish I was not required to attend 10 hours of training in the next two days.
[right][snapback]94509[/snapback][/right]

granted. both the hours and the amount of days are changed, you now have to only do 9.5 hours of training in 1/2 days.

I wish I could guess better what people are going to do.

[Lady Vashj]

Granted. You can guess what people are going to do based on their mood at the moment, which you are now unusually keen on picking up. However, people are now remarkably moody and temperamental, so their moods keep changing, along with their intentions. So right now, they're going to, say, use their roommate's towel as toilet paper sometime in the near future, but in thirty seconds they're going to buy their roommate's boyfriend ice cream (going from "pissed" to "calculating" here). Thirty seconds later, they're going to throw some of their roommate's laundry in with their own to finish off the load.

I wish "Mythbusters" was on more often, at times when I'm able to watch it.

[Jeunemaitre]

Granted.  You can guess what people are going to do based on their mood at the moment, which you are now unusually keen on picking up.  However, people are now remarkably moody and temperamental, so their moods keep changing, along with their intentions.  So right now, they're going to, say, use their roommate's towel as toilet paper sometime in the near future, but in thirty seconds they're going to buy their roommate's boyfriend ice cream (going from "pissed" to "calculating" here).  Thirty seconds later, they're going to throw some of their roommate's laundry in with their own to finish off the load.

I wish "Mythbusters" was on more often, at times when I'm able to watch it.
[right][snapback]94897[/snapback][/right]

Vashj, I really hope you're not describing a personal roommate situation here. If so, I wish you a quick improvement in the situation (quick to arrive, but permanent, like re-assignment). As to your wish:

"Mythbusters" is now going to be 5 nights a week (the unfortunate sign that new episodes are not going to be made for much longer, and the series is not in good shape) at a time just after you get home, and before you can get involved in something else. The problem is, they only show the old episodes that you've already seen. Not much suspense in myths you've already seen de-bunked.

I wish my wife and I had less interesting plans for Thanksgiving. At the moment, we're expecting her sister to join us for dinner on Thursday and that means I have to be a referee and cheerleader, rather than watching football.

[Minionman]

Granted.  You can guess what people are going to do based on their mood at the moment, which you are now unusually keen on picking up.  However, people are now remarkably moody and temperamental, so their moods keep changing, along with their intentions.  So right now, they're going to, say, use their roommate's towel as toilet paper sometime in the near future, but in thirty seconds they're going to buy their roommate's boyfriend ice cream (going from "pissed" to "calculating" here).  Thirty seconds later, they're going to throw some of their roommate's laundry in with their own to finish off the load.

I wish "Mythbusters" was on more often, at times when I'm able to watch it.
[right][snapback]94897[/snapback][/right]

Granted. However, to incrase the amount of myths to show on T.V., and to get the shows produced faster, the people making it have to make worse shows. You hardly enjoy mythbusters anymore because it has gotten so bad.

I wish I could learn information about people just by looking at their forum name. Information such as where they live, how they act in real life, what they like doing, etc, so no "you now know hairstyles" kind of stuff.


Edit; to grant Jeunemaitre's wish, you now have a very boring thankgiving. You do the same thing you do everyday, go to work, come home, etc. Same as usual.

[Lucky Barbarian]

I wish I could learn information about people just by looking at their forum name.  Information such as where they live, how they act in real life, what they like doing, etc, so no "you now know hairstyles" kind of stuff.
[right][snapback]94928[/snapback][/right]

Granted. You now know how people live and act in real life by just looking at their forum names. You also get to know their past. In fact, you have a vision-like experience of their past. Experiencing all their years of life in a few seconds drive you nuts, especially when it happens several times a day. Also, you find out there are surprisingly many murderers and depressed people.

I wish I could levitate.

~Lucky

[Minionman]

Granted. You now know how people live and act in real life by just looking at their forum names. You also get to know their past. In fact, you have a vision-like experience of their past. Experiencing all their years of life in a few seconds drive you nuts, especially when it happens several times a day. Also, you find out there are surprisingly many murderers and depressed people.

I wish I could levitate.

~Lucky
[right][snapback]95359[/snapback][/right]

Granted. Problem is, the force keeping you up is in your head, so while your head gets pulled up quickly, the rest of your body is dangling from your neck. Be careful about "hanging" yourself.

I wish There were more ways to corupt wishes than "It drives you nuts".

[NiteFox]

I wish There were more ways to corupt wishes than "It drives you nuts".
[right][snapback]95366[/snapback][/right]

Granted. Added to the roster is 'it causes insanity', 'it mentally scars you', 'it makes you crazy', 'you brain will be scrambled after this', 'welcome to Straightjacketville, population: You', and others.

I wish a wish wasn't corrupted on this thread.

[Premezilla]

Granted.  Added to the roster is 'it causes insanity', 'it mentally scars you', 'it makes you crazy', 'you brain will be scrambled after this', 'welcome to Straightjacketville, population: You', and others.

I wish a wish wasn't corrupted on this thread.
[right][snapback]95375[/snapback][/right]

I found this thread and am bringing it back to LIFE!

Granted. A wish magically becomes un-corrupted. It was, however, the first wish ever, and this causes a domino effect, causing all others wishes (in other words,all the wishes in this thread) to be un-granted. This may or may not rip a hole in the space-time continuom.

I wish I knew chemistry better.

[Jeunemaitre]

I found this thread and am bringing it back to LIFE!

--snip--

I wish I knew chemistry better.
[right][snapback]100579[/snapback][/right]

Bring it back to life... chemistry... I think you know just about all you need to.

Next. Oh, sorry, not satisfied by your corruption? Have another...
You become a chem-vaccuum, sucking up all the chemistry knowledge that is available. Bad news, your cranium expands along with your knowledge intake and ends up exploding due to the increase in content.

Damn. It looks like I'm out of practice, lets try this one last time:
As you get to know chemistry better, she decides that it would be best if the two of you were "just friends."

Oh, well. It looks like more practice will be needed to get back into good form, and I would think the same for all the others who were active in this thread before the hiatus, but practice is practice, so here's some more...

I wish I could design a better organization system for my desk at work. I loose too many pens and binder clips.

edit: expanded quote to make a little more sense for the non-linear viewers in the hizzle..., uh, liz-ounge? all-up-in-hea'? Holla!
Edit 2: can you tell I'm excited that this thread has gotten attention?

[BruceGod]

I wish I could design a better organization system for my desk at work.  I loose too many pens and binder clips.

Granted. Your desk is now so well organized you know exactly where everything isn't.

I wish that wishes were horses, so that beggars can ride.

[Occhidiangela]

Granted. Your desk is now so well organized you know exactly where everything isn't.

I wish that wishes were horses, so that beggars can ride.
[right][snapback]100663[/snapback][/right]

Granted. Now that more beggars are riding about on horses, the rapid increase of horse manure piling up on streets and sidewalks attracts flies by the billion, resulting in a major public health crisis.

I wish my dog would refrain from puking on the carpet. (It is a mess to clean up.)

Occhi

[Premezilla]

I wish my dog would refrain from puking on the carpet.  (It is a mess to clean up.)

Occhi
[right][snapback]100682[/snapback][/right]

Oh goody.

Wish granted. Instead of puking on the carpet, it pukes on your pillow. Moments before you lay your head down to rest. *SQUISH*. And to add injury to insult, it poops on the carpet instead.

I wish that I didn't get such god-awful scores for my quizzes that I actually studied and took notes for.

[GenericKen]

Oh goody.

Wish granted.  Instead of puking on the carpet, it pukes on your pillow.  Moments before you lay your head down to rest.  *SQUISH*.  And to add injury to insult, it poops on the carpet instead.

I wish that I didn't get such god-awful scores for my quizzes that I actually studied and took notes for.
[right][snapback]100823[/snapback][/right]

Wish granted. Those quizzes were actually finals.


I wish for the sweet embrace of sleep to ease my addled mind.

[Premezilla]

Wish granted. Those quizzes were actually finals.
I wish for the sweet embrace of sleep to ease my addled mind.
[right][snapback]100829[/snapback][/right]

Granted.

Except Sleep is the nickname for a 500 lb. grizzly of a man. Thankfully, he has drizzled honey over his shaggy chest-hair locks, and his embrace is both sweet AND sticky.

I wish that females weren't so hard to understand.

[Taem]

I felt like looking at all the posts with the most views and saw this untouched jewel from ages forgotten. It might be fun to resurrect something like this for the Lounge.

I wish that females weren't so hard to understand.

Granted! In the process of better understanding women, you yourself transforms into one overnight. Now all of your deepest questions have answers.

I wish I could develop a one-gimmick marketing scheme that makes millions - like Pogs or Silly-Bands - then walk away with my riches while the fade fades away.

[shoju]

I wish I could develop a one-gimmick marketing scheme that makes millions - like Pogs or Silly-Bands - then walk away with my riches while the fade fades away.

Granted! On the downside, everywhere you go after the game dies people will only remember you as the guy who made "that game", no matter what else you do.


I wish that my job paid more. This job I do right now.

[Maitre]

I wish that my job paid more. This job I do right now.

That's not hard at all, I can do that with real life in the local economy:

Like a number of current employees of the Commonwealth of Virginia, you will receive a 5% increase in your base pay. You will also be required to contribute 5% of your new base salary to the state employees pension fund. No adjustments will be made to the vesting/seniority/experience criteria that earn you access to the pension plan, however, so good luck in keeping the job long enough to see a payout from the plan.

I wish that I could get a call notifying me of a start date for my new job.