The Corrupted Wish Game

[kandrathe]

I wish I knew everything that was wrong with the Warcraft III map I've been creating, and how to fix all of it without creating any other problem I can't identify and fix.
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Granted, in fact you now know everything there is to know about WCIII and are recruited by Blizzard to work on their new expansion. However, you no longer have any free time to even think about WCIII due to their 80 hour work week, and intellectual sweatshop conditions. You also only get to wear ill fitting jeans, tee-shirts and leather sandals or flip flops, and must interlace your speech with surfing lingo. Cha!

I wish the construction equipment and huge piles of dirt outside my office window would go away.

[Jeunemaitre]

I wish the construction equipment and huge piles of dirt outside my office window would go away.
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Granted. The pieces of construction equipment and piles of dirt have left the space outside your office window, but they've started moving toward your home (not the piles of dirt of course, they have much more pressing things to accomplish today, not least of which is tracking down the company that installed the sewer lines through the patch of ground that they previously constituted). If I were you, I'd start heading for that mud puddle in front of your door. If you're lucky you'll get there in time to stop the bulldozer. Hopefully, you're friend will come by and talk the forman into lying down in place of you so the two of you can pop down the pub for a pint or two...

(You know, I have a harder time trying to think of what to wish for than trying to think of how to answer the previous wish.)

I wish that I had some happy news to brighten my day.
(Remeber the rules: the corruption can't undo the granting!)

[kandrathe]

I wish that I had some happy news to brighten my day. 
(Remeber the rules: the corruption can't undo the granting!)
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Granted. You have some incredably happy news, so happy in fact that you walk around the entire day with a HUGE grin on your face. Everyone thinks you have swallowed the canary, or worse. Everyone else is suspiciously muttering now, "Why is he so fricking happy?" and they begin plotting on how to bring you down to their level. You are also blissfully ignorant of the rip in your trousers, the fact that your fly is open, and there is a small trail of toilet paper extending from the back of your pants. :D Smile! It doesn't matter and nothing can bring you down today!

Interestingly enough... I wish my driveway at home were not all ripped up and muddy due to a water pipe failure.

edit: sperling errur

[Lady Vashj]

Granted. It's now a pile of rubble due to an earthquake. Your car is in there somewhere.

I wish that my math teacher would realize that any way that gets the right answer consistently is the right way. Even realizing that there is more than one right way would be a start.

[NiteFox]

Granted, your maths teacher realises that there are multiple solutions to any problem, however your maths teacher still believes that his/her way is always the right way. Even if it's wrong.

I wish that, following the tweaking guides and applying all the relevant patches and drivers, Black & White 2 runs at a playable framerate on my PC.

[Jeunemaitre]

edit: removed for having been beaten to the punch

[Jeunemaitre]

I wish that, following the tweaking guides and applying all the relevant patches and drivers, Black & White 2 runs at a playable framerate on my PC.
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Good news: after patching B&W2 to the most recent version and updating all of your drivers, the game will run at reasonable framerate on your PC. The thing is, you also had to turn off all of the pretty lighting effects, as well as all of the audio, and in fact, most of the textures, so basically all you've got left are the unskinned 3D models. You'd hoped to rule over an extremely intricate and detailed world, but instead, your polygons don't seem to obey, and you can't tell whether it was your creature or someone elses that just chomped down your villager. At least it looked like your villager. Maybe it was a cow. I don't know.

I wish my employer didn't have such a high turnover rate.

[Minionman]

Good news: after patching B&W2 to the most recent version and updating all of your drivers, the game will run at  reasonable framerate on your PC.  The thing is, you also had to turn off all of the pretty lighting effects, as well as all of the audio, and in fact, most of the textures, so basically all you've got left are the unskinned 3D models.  You'd hoped to rule over an extremely intricate and detailed world, but instead, your polygons don't seem to obey, and you can't tell whether it was your creature or someone elses that just chomped down your villager.  At least it looked like your villager.  Maybe it was a cow.  I don't know.

I wish my employer didn't have such a high turnover rate.
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Granted. Your employer has a special law set up that prevents people from ever leaving the job. You now have to deal with an incredibly large mob of people who want to get out of doing whatever nasty things the company was making them do in the first place.

I wish I could do things more effeciently.

[ima_nerd]

I wish I could do things more effeciently.
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You become the most efficient computing machine on the planet and am heavily sought after (see "hunted") by the US government to become a one man IRS. Have fun.

I wish my corruption wasn't so weak due to me being so tired.

[Minionman]

You become the most efficient computing machine on the planet and am heavily sought after (see "hunted") by the US government to become a one man IRS. Have fun.

I wish my corruption wasn't so weak due to me being so tired.
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Granted, your corruption is now very strong. You are now being hunted by the FBI, as well as various mafias that you forgot to return favors to.


I wish I could get rid of this several week cold.

[NiteFox]

I wish I could get rid of this several week cold.
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Granted. It's replaced with a several month cold.

I wish I could make more imaginative wishes.

[Minionman]

Granted.  It's replaced with a several month cold.

I wish I could make more imaginative wishes.
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Granted. You make a wish involving a unicorn, target, some sushi, a new car, and something to do wih arms. Unfortunately, no one understands this wish, and assumes it is a description of sex, so you get banned from the lurker lounge.

I wish I could see ythe weight of something when I looked at it.

[Jeunemaitre]

I wish I could see ythe weight of something when I looked at it.
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Your vision undergoes a radical change to something with an HUD-like feel. Not only can you read the weight of an object but also the volume, composition, strengths, weaknesses, and even the hit-points. In addition, relavant links to other similar items are provided, indeed, a listing of relevant links appears on the left hand side of your visual field. You may have some difficulty though, as these displays subtend about 80% of your visual field, leaving precious little space to actually see out of, and each shift of your glance results in a re-population of the display, and the accompanying flashes of text and loading bars. You might want to take some time off before you go back to your regular activities until you get used to the new things in your head, otherwise, you'll probably find it difficult to get around without tripping over things, or running into things you can't see. Did I forget to mention the crawl at the bottom which alternates stock prices and sports scores? Sorry...

I wish that the winter would hold off for another few weeks.

edit: punctu-cation

[Minionman]

Your vision undergoes a radical change to something with an HUD-like feel.  Not only can you read the weight of an object but also the volume, composition, strengths, weaknesses, and even the hit-points.  In addition, relavant links to other similar items are provided, indeed, a listing of relevant links appears on the left hand side of your visual field.  You may have some difficulty though, as these displays subtend about 80% of your visual field, leaving precious little space to actually see out of, and each shift of your glance results in a re-population of the display, and the accompanying flashes of text and loading bars.  You might want to take some time off before you go back to your regular activities until you get used to the new things in your head, otherwise, you'll probably find it difficult to get around without tripping over things, or running into things you can't see.  Did I forget to mention the crawl at the bottom which alternates stock prices and sports scores?  Sorry...

I wish that the winter would hold off for another few weeks.

edit: punctu-cation
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Granted. Even better, winter dsappears. However, more misquitoes show up, and give everyone malaria.

I wish my roommate would just shut the TV off instead of channel surfing.

[Lucky Barbarian]

I wish my roommate would just shut the TV off instead of channel surfing.
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Your roommate tries to shut the TV, but the on/off switch is stuck. He then gets a baseball bat and smashes the TV. It ignites and the fire spreads. 12 nearest power stations suddenly shut down and the firemen don't have the foggiest idea about your little fire because their alarms don't work. After an hour, everything in five kilometer radius is in ashes.

I wish somebody would buy me Anarchy Online expansion packs and pay them for the next few years.

~Lucky

[NiteFox]

I wish somebody would buy me Anarchy Online expansion packs and pay them for the next few years.[right][snapback]91964[/snapback][/right]

Having played AO, I'm tempted just to leave the wish granted as is :P

Granted. You find yourself with a fully-decked out AO account, paid for in advance for the next few years. However, the person that paid for the account goes by the name of Mr. O. B. Laden, address A Cave, Somewhere, Dontcomelookingformeherepleaseville. Funcom call in the FBI to investigate, and you've been implemented in international terrorism, successfully tried for treason, and executed on live television. Such is the venom directed towards you, the electric chair is overcharged to a degree of some five billion, causing a massive global power outage. If the whole world didn't hate you before, they do now.

I wish I get this temporary job selling games 'til Christmas.

[Minionman]

Having played AO, I'm tempted just to leave the wish granted as is :P

Granted.  You find yourself with a fully-decked out AO account, paid for in advance for the next few years.  However, the person that paid for the account goes by the name of Mr. O. B. Laden, address A Cave, Somewhere, Dontcomelookingformeherepleaseville.  Funcom call in the FBI to investigate, and you've been implemented in international terrorism, successfully tried for treason, and executed on live television.  Such is the venom directed towards you, the electric chair is overcharged to a degree of some five billion, causing a massive global power outage.  If the whole world didn't hate you before, they do now.

I wish I get this temporary job selling games 'til Christmas.
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Granted. You now have a game hell answering simple questions from people figuring out games. for exapmle "Is monopoly money real?", "Are bows in guild wars ranged weapons?", "What are necromancers?", "What is that horse thing in chess?". You now get to do this over and over for two months.


I wish I could find more good taco places around here.

[BruceGod]

I wish I could find more good taco places around here.
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Granted. All taco places within a ten mile radius are the best taco places on the planet. Of course, you can't get into them without a five-year advance reservation, and all those people visiting them makes you late to work every day, so you get fired and can't afford the high prices anyways.

I wish Jar-Jar Binks had been killed in Episode 1.

[Minionman]

Granted. All taco places within a ten mile radius are the best taco places on the planet. Of course, you can't get into them without a five-year advance reservation, and all those people visiting them makes you late to work every day, so you get fired and can't afford the high prices anyways.

I wish Jar-Jar Binks had been killed in Episode 1.
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Granted. To fill up the space, the next two movies both have 30 minute long scenes between Anakin and Amidala. (speaking of which,what makes so many people hate Jar-Jar Binks? I've never really understood this.)


I wish I could control ghosts.

[NiteFox]

I wish I could control ghosts.
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Granted. However, your enemy is playing Zerg, has liberally sprinkled detectors around his base, and you're also prevented from building a Nuclear Silo. You can control Ghosts, but they're practically useless.

I wish I made sense most of the time.