The Corrupted Wish Game

[Lady Vashj]

Hey... you didn't grant my wish! Cheater!

Granted. The snow has stopped falling and instead of it radioactive waste is falling all over the place mutating everything it touches.
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You forgot yer wish, doofus. *pelts Tai with radioactive snowballs* And I did grant your wish. Read it over. And remember, this is the CORRUPTED wish game. We're not playing fairy godmother, we're playing harpy godmother.

I wish I had a job that paid money. Real money, that I could walk into a store and exchange for useful stuff. Because my current job only pays job satisfaction, and not bloody much of it.

[Doc]

You forgot yer wish, doofus.  *pelts Tai with radioactive snowballs*  And I did grant your wish.  Read it over.  And remember, this is the CORRUPTED wish game.  We're not playing fairy godmother, we're playing harpy godmother.

I wish I had a job that paid money.  Real money, that I could walk into a store and exchange for useful stuff.  Because my current job only pays job satisfaction, and not bloody much of it.
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POOF! You get a job managing FenrisWulf's Granny Panties collection from his admiring fanclub. It pays a lot of money, but you spend many hours looking for skidmarks shaped like ex presidents, so you can sell them on eBay to Goldenpalace.com.

I wish I wasn't locked in the basement of an outhouse in July.

[Ashock]

I wish I had a job that paid money.  Real money, that I could walk into a store and exchange for useful stuff.  Because my current job only pays job satisfaction, and not bloody much of it.
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Your wish is granted. You are the writer of "Satisfaction", Keith Richards. With that of course goes the fact that you are 65 (going on 95) and look like Skeletor (from He-Man).


I wish I was James Bond.



-A

[FenrisWulf]

Curses, Doc, you beat me to it again. Here's what I would have said:

I wish I had a job that paid money.  Real money, that I could walk into a store and exchange for useful stuff.  Because my current job only pays job satisfaction, and not bloody much of it.
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Granted! You have a job that pays money, except it pays all of your money to Bob Grampton, bum-of-all-trades, who lives a comfortable, idyllic life in Poheekum, Idaho, supported by the generous salary garnered by your hard work. On a plus note, this job pays a bunch more job satisfaction. On a minus note, all the job satisfaction is sent over to Bob, too.

And here's what I'll say instead:

I wish I wasn't locked in the basement of an outhouse in July.
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Done! You're now locked in the basement of an outhouse in August. The contents of the basement have been given an extra month to...mature. It is dark. You may be eaten by a grue.

I wish I weren't so tired.

EDIT: And, of course, can't leave Ashock out! Ashock, you're now James Bond. Ergo, you're a fictional character. You poof out of existence. And really, the movies about you will never be as good as when Sean Connery starred. It's all downhill from here.

[Doc]

I wish I was James Bond.
-A
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The wish fairie grants your wish... Only you are Rick James Bond!

"I said shaken, not stirred... Biatch!"

One ticket to Hell please.

[Darian]

One ticket to Hell please.
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Granted. Of course, you didn't specify round-trip...

I wish I didn't have to do this farking DB re-index.

[Lady Vashj]

I wish I weren't so tired.
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Granted. You're wide awake. And you'll continue to be wide awake for a good long time, because the Secret Service is not putting you back in your cell until they get a good explanation for why you got caught with nothing but a badger, a roll of duct tape, and a suitcase full of counterfeit $20 bills.

I wish I didn't have to do this farking DB re-index.

Deal. Get me out of here and you can do my calc homework. I'll be taking my calculator with me.


I wish Ferris would take my AP test scores.

[Doc]

I wish Ferris would take my AP test scores.
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Granted!

Ferris Bueler takes your test scores and your dad's Ferrari and has a day off. Both are completely destroyed. He brings you a baseball as a consolation prize.

I wish I wasn't having so much fun so I could get back to work.

[FenrisWulf]

I wish Ferris would take my AP test scores.
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As you wish. Ferris Bueller has taken your AP test scores. He won't give them back.

Also,

I wish I didn't have to do this farking DB re-index.

Done. You do not have to re-index this library of Dragon Ball VHS tapes, though many will suffer for being unable to find their favorite super-powered anime episodes. However, you still have a database re-index to take care of.

Grar, and another:

I wish I wasn't having so much fun so I could get back to work.

Certainly. You're not having fun. You're locked in the basement of an outhouse. Apparently, it's your new office. Get to work.

I wish that our replies didn't keep getting crossed.

[Lady Vashj]

I wish I wasn't having so much fun so I could get back to work.
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Granted. You're miserable. But the idea of going back to work makes you even more miserable. So you're still having the same problem, but you're miserable now instead of having fun.

I wish that our replies didn't keep getting crossed.

Granted. A sadistic pod person takes over Bolty's body and locks this thread for no good reason, so our replies will no longer get crossed - we can't make any.

I wish class started an hour from now instead of five minutes.

[Doc]

I wish class started an hour from now instead of five minutes.
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Class now starts an hour from now. Unfortunately, it is now tomorrow, meaning you missed class completely, and must report to Griselda's 3l337 primer. And she is a harsh mistress.

I wish I had the fattest dreadlock in all of history.

[Count Duckula]

I wish class started an hour from now instead of five minutes.
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Granted. However, your class will end three hours later to make up for lost time.

I wish I had pants that fit.

[Lady Vashj]

Class now starts an hour from now. Unfortunately, it is now tomorrow, meaning you missed class completely, and must report to Griselda's 3l337 primer. And she is a harsh mistress.

I wish I had the fattest dreadlock in all of history.
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Granted. It's so big you can't stand up or walk. And you look pretty stupid with it.

I wish I had pants that fit.

Granted, but your shirt has abruptly shrunk so much as to crush your ribcage.

I wish my ex was in a different country and had no way of contacting me, directly or indirectly.

[Count Duckula]

I wish I had the fattest dreadlock in all of history.
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Just for taking mine...

Granted. However, since you never specified where that dreadlock hangs...it now swings in the breeze every time you flatulate.

I wish I had Nicodemus' helm.

[Count Duckula]

ARGH I WISH I COULD BE FIRST.

[Doc]

I wish I had pants that fit.
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Your pants now fit, but they are baby puke avacado green bellbottoms from the 70s. Courdoroy. And when you walk, they make that teeth grinding "swish swoosh swash" sound that only courdoroy makes. Cheap courdoroy from Sears. Toughskins.

I wish I could forget the damn 70s. What a horrible decade!

[Lady Vashj]

I wish I had Nicodemus' helm.
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Granted. It don't fit, so ya can't wear it. Now grant my wish.

For reference, it was:

I wish my ex was in a different country and had no way of contacting me, directly or indirectly. Ever again.

[Doc]

Granted.  It don't fit, so ya can't wear it.  Now grant my wish.
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I could grant your wish. Re-unite with your ex. Play kissy kissy for a while. Come down South where I live. I'll be your tour guide. We go out to the fens. We go gator fishing. Gators love the live bait you know. I'll use duct tape, so he wont scream much.

The bad? The skeeters might eat you alive.

[Archon_Wing]

I wish I could forget the damn 70s. What a horrible decade!
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You forget the 70's but one month from now, there suddenly is a "70's revival" fad. You are invaded by disco balls, bell-bottoms, big hairstlyles, and whatever corny fads were popular of the time. All of them will be back. The worst thing is you can't remember the 70's to be disgusted at it! Oh yea, and it will be mixed with the worst of the 80's and 90's. -_-

I wish I wasn't so tired.

[TaiDaishar]

I wish I wasn't so tired.
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Granted! You're now not tired for you're a mindless zombie with a thurst that can never be quenched.

I wish I was able to sing good.