The Corrupted Wish Game

[LennyLen]

I wish that I could get a call notifying me of a start date for my new job.

Granted. You're due to start the day after the Earth is destroyed by the Vogon construction fleet.

I wish beer was free.

[Sabra]

I wish that I could get a call notifying me of a start date for my new job.

Granted. You're due to start the day after the Earth is destroyed by the Vogon construction fleet.

I wish beer was free.

Granted. Beer is now free, in Iceland, for women.

I wish I were going to Israel very soon.

[kandrathe]

I wish I were going to Israel very soon.

Granted. You are going to Israel, but only for a week. Your plane experiences some trouble on the ground at your stop over and you are delayed in Frankfurt for 48 hours. Meanwhile, your luggage goes on ahead of you and gets forwarded to a barracks in Shivta, and a guest house in Shaharut by mistake. By the time you get a fresh set of clothes, it's time to head back home.

I wish I had an intern to help me with my work.

[--Pete]

Hi,

I wish I had an intern to help me with my work.

Granted. He makes Forest Gump look like a genius. Between trying to train him and fixing his mistakes, you are now working 18 hours a day and getting less done.

I wish I could get away with murder -- (I've a looooooong list).

--Pete

[Jester]

I wish I could get away with murder -- (I've a looooooong list).

Wish granted! Sadly, they get you on tax evasion, and throw away the key.

I wish that the good times would roll.

-Jester

[kandrathe]

I wish that the good times would roll.

Granted. Everywhere you roll, you run into Jimmie Walker, and he bellows out "Dy-no-mite!"

I wish my new intern was smart enough to help out around here.

[Sabra]

I wish that the good times would roll.

Granted. Everywhere you roll, you run into Jimmie Walker, and he bellows out "Dy-no-mite!"

I wish my new intern was smart enough to help out around here.

Your wish is granted. Your new intern is Nancy Grace.

I wish I could just check my ego at the door.

[Taem]

I wish I could just check my ego at the door.

Granted!

You no longer step on peoples toes at invites, however in the process, you become sickly introverted to the point of literally hiding in closets until the gathering ends.

I wish I had enough to pay off my dentist bill and get a new computer right now!

[kandrathe]

I wish I had enough to pay off my dentist bill and get a new computer right now!

Granted.

Your sexual prowess grows to the point where you earn a handsome living turning tricks, and you pay off your dentist. However, most of those near you do not understand your new profession and distance themselves. You have a pimp named Bubba, who gives you an allowance allowing you to afford a new computer, fancy new clothes, and a hot little sports car.

Oops. I wish I had a better memory.

[Tal]

I wish I had enough to pay off my dentist bill and get a new computer right now!

Granted.

Your sexual prowess grows to the point where you earn a handsome living turning tricks, and you pay off your dentist. However, most of those near you do not understand your new profession and distance themselves. You have a pimp named Bubba, who gives you an allowance allowing you to afford a new computer, fancy new clothes, and a hot little sports car.

I wish Kandrathe had remembered to put in his wish. :/

[Bob]

I wish Kandrathe had remembered to put in his wish. :/

Granted. Kandrathe constructs the holy grail - the uncorruptible wish - leaving you looking like a bit of a fool.


I wish I hadn't missed out on this place all these years.

[Zippyy]

Granted: you are stuck in a room for eternity with ac[INFERNO]

I wish I had more time to play videogames!

[LavCat]

I wish I had more time to play videogames!

Granted! You are banished to a desert island where the only activity is Pong. Unfortunately the monkey broke the paddle, and the bananas are too soft.

I wish Zippyy would post more often.

[kandrathe]

I wish Zippyy would post more often.

Granted. Zippyy turns into a Marxist, becomes the new forum troll, runs afoul of Admins, and gets a week ban.

I wish the city and police would get off "Orlando's Food not Bombs" backs and let them feed the homeless.

[Zippyy]

Granted! Orlando's Food Not Bombs serves nightly banquets to the homeless who become well-fed, healthy, productive members of our society. Look what you've done! I hope you're happy...

I wish my friends would still play Starcraft 2 with me.

[Louise Hagstrom]

It is hard to calculus, my high school of time, learn calculus, let me very headache.

[LavCat]

It is hard to calculus, my high school of time, learn calculus, let me very headache.

Granted....

[shoju]

He was an exceptionally bad bot.

[Lissa]

I wish my friends would still play Starcraft 2 with me.

Granted, you have no friends.

I wish I could solve Boltzmann's Transport Equation with no assumptions.

[LochnarITB]

I wish I could solve Boltzmann's Transport Equation with no assumptions.

Granted. The solution leads to the creation of a weapon that, at it's first test, tears apart the fabric of time and space. The maker of the universe (however you may choose to represent or reject such entity) plucks you from the resulting mess, wads the rest up and chucks it into his trash can. He then sits you down in front of a blank universe and says "fine, smarty, see if you can do better!"

I wish eating were completely optional.