A Freebie Worthy of Deebye

[LochnarITB]

You can lead a person to erotica, but you can't make 'em do that trick with the ostrich feather, the zucchini, and the electric toothbrush.
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Geez!! Someone has been giving away my secrets. Now I'm going to have to come up with something else that gives it my own special twist, beyond the unique experience given just by being me.

As to the question of the knowledge being available (I think that is the question, kind of hard to sort it out of the flames): I see it as coming down to whether you are in it for yourself or for the other person. Those just in it for themselves will continue to do what works for them. Those in it for the other will continue to improve by becoming more knowledgeable. Heck, my google-fu is only a little above average. If I can find new information, anyone can, and it just keeps getting better.

[Minionman]

If she says "Play Chess" you may remain a virgin (and most likel AIDS free) but if she insists you both play on the chess board "without any pawns" as she sweeps the pieces away with her hand (Ostrich feathers and post #1 product are optional). . .  :w00t: 

Occhi

PS:  Remember, it is safer to wrap that rascal.
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The irony of that joke is that I do fall for people who seem kind of brainy.

[Occhidiangela]

The irony of that joke is that I do fall for people who seem kind of brainy.
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Well there ya go, a golden opportunity for a date: suggest a chess and wine picnic. :D Good luck.
Occhi

[LemmingofGlory]

Death.  Full circle, we come since la petite morte is what started this thread. :)
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That was awesome. (nt)

[Count Duckula]

Wow. I skip a day and I miss Sex Ed.

Dammit.

How come the only other female posting in this thread happened to stop by with a helpful correction? No responses to Doc's orgasm queries? I understand; I'm not really sure I want to go balls to the wall--so to speak--on this topic either.

There's this keep-it-in-the-bedroom attitude that prevents people from talking about sex, and that attitude doesn't necessarily have a religious bent to it. My mother sat me down for the sex talk after I found the word "rape" in a dirty joke book. I already knew what sex was and how it was accomplished--I was a well-read ten-year-old--but the concept of forcible and nonconsentual sex was foreign to me.

If I had my way, the schools would teach safe sex, promote same sex, cover rape by both genders (because it happens), and things like childbirth and contraceptives. Sorry BrianLeichty, but sex happens whether or not people are married or even of the age to do so legally or even within society's acceptance. God may provide, but he's not providing the Trojans.

[Doc]

I never did understand the concept of "rape."

Methink's Ol Doc is stupid or something. But I just don't get it. My mind fails to grasp the reasons in the act. I can not comprehend how or why somebody would want to do that to another human being. For somebody that has been repeatedly accused of being the Antichrist, I am awfully dumb on these evil issues. :( :huh:

I don't even begin to understand how it would be sexually gratifying... I just don't get it. And I am not sure I want to get it. Thinking about it makes me want to reach for the pistol sitting in the drawer under my mousepad... I dunno what I would do with it... But something about the idea just makes me want to shoot something. Or somebody. Or maybe just bury them up to their neck in the clay and leave them for the fire ants. Let's see how they would like something invading their orifices...

I don't like this subject. Not at all. Rapists are not even worth the dime and the nickle worth of lead it takes to send them to meet God.

Gotta go. I should cool off before I type something truly inflamatory.

[whyBish]

A feather is neither -- it used to be part of an entity.
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I don't want to get drawn in to this topic, but I do see a problem with your definition here... when does a part of an entity become the entity.

One feather?

What if I cut an Ostritch in half? I've only got a part of an entity, so it is no longer zoophilia?

What if I just cut off the head, or pluck out a single feather?

[Griselda]

What this thread needs is clearly some more corn porn, er, erotica.

Since most of my posts these days seem to be literary quotes only vaguely related the the subject, I offer this one, by Toni Morrison:

Paul D couldn't remember how finally they'd cooked those ears too young to eat.  What he did remember was parting the hair to get to the tip, the edge of his fingernail just under, so as not to graze a single kernel.

The pulling down of the tight sheath, the ripping sound always convinced her it hurt.

As soon as one strip of husk was down, the rest obeyed and they ear yielded up to him its shy rows, exposed at last.  How loose the silk.  How quick the jailed-up flavor ran free.

No matter what all your teeth and wet fingers anticipated, there was no accounting for the way that simple joy could shake you.

How loose the silk.  How fine and loose and free.

[ShadowHM]

Ducky -

I have, to be truthful, been ducking right out of this thread, just because I feared the incredible time committment that participation would bring. Occhi and Lemming were holding an interesting conversation that covered a lot of what I might have said too.

However....

Doc - Methinks you are being deliberately obtuse in this one:

I never did understand the concept of "rape."

Methink's Ol Doc is stupid or something. But I just don't get it. My mind fails to grasp the reasons in the act. I can not comprehend how or why somebody would want to do that to another human being.

Rape is not about sexual gratification. Rape is about domination and humiliation of someone else, with sex being the instrument.

I agree with Ducky on this:

If I had my way, the schools would teach safe sex, promote same sex, cover rape by both genders (because it happens), and things like childbirth and contraceptives. Sorry BrianLeichty, but sex happens whether or not people are married or even of the age to do so legally or even within society's acceptance. God may provide, but he's not providing the Trojans.

And, to BrianHeichty (sorry to pick on you, but...):

God may well want us to have good sex in our marriages, but the only way you find out before it is too late whether you are sexually compatible is to have sex. A good marriage has many strong underpinnings - shared values, communication skills and a willingness to compromise being important ones. But marriages can and do founder if the sex is not good.

Good sex needs good communication skills. But libidos differ and so do the cues that turn you 'on' in the first place. You cannot tell by mere talking about it whether you will indeed be compatible.

I have been with the same man now for 25 years. We both had numerous partners before we committed to each other. And I am convinced that it was the right thing to have done. We knew we were compatible on many fronts before we started out on that incredible adventure called parenting - which is the single most divisive one in any marriage.

As to the original product that launched this thread:

I echo DeeBye's comment. Offer not good in Canada, eh? :angry: I guess I will have to do what Dozer suggested, and have it sent to some American friends for delivery across the border.

And, finally, as to orgasms:

To be more personal than I am used to being in any forum, verbal or written, I have no clue whether I am getting 'uterine' orgasms. I really don't give a damn either. When my senses are overwhelmed and I am floating on air, the inner mechanics are utterly irrelevant. What matters is that hubby should not stop that good thing he is doing. :wub:


And now, speaking of parenting: Time to take the kids to school and put in some volunteer time in a classroom.

[Doc]

I know all about the psychology of rape. I am not being obtuse about anything. I deal with it almost on a daily basis due to my work. I understand it all to well at a sickening level.

My brain balks at the thought. I just don't get it. It's like trying to explain the colour green to a blind person that has never seen anything before. I don't care about the psychology involved or the mechanics... No matter how you slice and dice it, it is still an alien act to me. It's just plain wrong for whatever reason. It goes against my moral fibre. And thinking about it makes me positively livid.

I had more to say but the rape issue sort of soured the thread for me. Somebody started to touch on the point about the ostrich... And I had something clever at the ready.

Somehow, what was intended as a lighthearted romp through dangerous territory wound up landing to close to home and the sick sort of crap I have to deal with frequently. And there is nothing more sobering than being reminded of one's work. There has been a lot of bad crap going down at the women's shelters lately. With the economic problems, the recent closing of yet another mill, and all the various frusterations of daily life, it has been open season on the womenfolk, and many of them have become the victims of their SO's frusterations and rages. Crap. Damnit. Today most likely I am going to have to go into town and hold another meeting about all this load of bovine feces. I have been in a downright black mood lately. I have dealt with a handful of suicides, and one attempted invasion of the secure compound. I go online to try and get away from these things when I can... Nobody would believe the ammount of strain I am currently existing under. And it's nobody's fault, so don't feel that way. Stupid stuff can really set me off some times because I am an idiot that tries to carry the world on my shoulders.

And Gris, what the heck was that? Cornography? Somehow, that was strangely facinating. Meh.

[Griselda]

And Gris, what the heck was that? Cornography? Somehow, that was strangely facinating. Meh.
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Nah, it wasn't written as cROn; it's from a novel and fits perfectly in context. But, the image is strong enough that it came to mind when you guys were talking about wheat (actually, since it had been a few years since I'd read the book, I thought the passage was about wheat until I re-read it). Anyway, I decided we needed more lightheartedness in this thread, so I posted.

[Doc]

Whatever it was, it was funny as hell. Kudos, for making an old man laugh.

[LemmingofGlory]

I don't want to get drawn in to this topic, but I do see a problem with your definition here... when does a part of an entity become the entity.

One feather?

What if I cut an Ostritch in half?  I've only got a part of an entity, so it is no longer zoophilia?

What if I just cut off the head, or pluck out a single feather?

And you're assuming the definition is deterministic.

The wording "When does a feather become an ostrich?" bothers the hell out of me because the feather will never become the ostrich. To suggest that sounds really dumb, even in Doc's metaphorical flowery language. The better wording is "When is something so far removed from the organism as to be no longer considered the organism?" And my answer is that a strict definition here isn't useful, because I think this is something that varies by person.

PersonA with a really intense ostrich fetish might go nuts over an ostrich feather because it's associated with the ostrich.

PersonB else who's being tickled by an ostrich feather might not associate the feather with the bird at all.

But suppose you find PersonC screwing decapitated ostrich head. What will the casual observer say? One person might say it's necrophilia. One person might say it's a rape fetish. One person might say it's zoophilia. One person might combine different descriptions. Another person might say, "Damn, he's hard up, but he's not hurting anyone so I don't care." (This last person is assuming PersonC didn't kill the ostrich himself.)

Labels are up to the observer, and not all observers will apply the same label. As such, the description I gave is non-deterministic. It works much better if you think of it as a guideline instead.

-Lemmy

[Doc]

Lemmy, leave my poor metaphora alone... They have done no harm to you. :unsure: Metaphora and puns are the highest and lowest form of wit on the spectrum. :P

Mixing metaphora is like beating dead horses into plowshares.

[Occhidiangela]

Lemmy, leave my poor metaphora alone... They have done no harm to you.  :unsure: Metaphora and puns are the highest and lowest form of wit on the spectrum.  :P

Mixing metaphora is like beating dead horses into plowshares.
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Doc:

If I may sum up:
/caffeine induced rant
As the one who introduced the ostrich feather into the conversation

"Ostrich Feather, meet Lounge Thread started by Doc; Lounge Thread started by Doc, meet Ostrich Feather"

I shall object to your "possess the metaphor" gambit vis a vis my contribution to this esoterotic* discussion until I am hoarse. Per a Greek root, rather than any wheat stalk or other corn**, metaphora infers large fora, which forum class does not include The Lounge unless you consider the "wasted time division of Mensa" attribute, and the defining metric is the magnitude of intellect charted against quality. On that basis, giants bestride the Internet at The Lounge. The segue into matters of wit is a natural transition from the Mensael magnificence of the Lounge. This is not prima face evidence that size matters per se, though a wit is held as superior to a half wit axiomatically.

For every Lounge Alpha an Omega, providing us the lowest form of wit on any forum, the dimwit (Idioticus Internetus,) which organism would find an exemplar in the typical troll: one who deludes himself with presumptions of intellect when all he truly possesses is an ear separator, and an IQ equivalent to two ears of corn separated by corn silk, albeit huskily depicted.

I just wanted to tie the meta threads and sub-threads into a cohesive weave, all tie-me-up-fetishes put aside and tickled with wheat stalks for the moment, in order to add clarity to this serious topic before I get cornholed as an elitist (maybe that was pigeonholed, Ms Morrison's imagery is most distracting Gris) an undesirable end, even postulating your Post #1 product introduced as a dorsal labial defricative.

Any questions? Good, there will be a quiz on Friday, and I'll want a 500 word precis by next Wednesday from each of you on the pros and cons of corn cobs as erotic addendums to Ostrichian Erotica.

Count Duckula, I'll need to see you after class concerning your same sex education paper, since I have a hard time getting a feel for what is the same as sex. :lol:

Where was I? *flips through notes* Ach, memory fading, like my blue jeans. Zoophilology and Modern Heat Lubricants 101 class -- dismissed.
/caffeine induced rant

Occhi

* (a neologism, fusing esoteric with erotic, I made it up!)

** corn being the English English term for grain crops, versus the specific maize corn of American English. This leaves the corncob as a uniquely American, untransferrable lexicographically as wheatcob, for example, though with sufficient labial lubrication, most anythings is possible for cunning linguists.

PS: The merits and demerits of fora versus forums is left to those more gifted in Latin grammar than my humble self. Phora as Greek for fora is based on the base pH = f sound, which ascetic scholars have still failed to resolbhe.

[Doc]

Metaphora isn't Greek though. It's Latin. Plural for metaphore. :P Has nothing to do with the forums.

Metaphores is a bastardisation of the word, and technically, not allowed on the field of play since it is not actually a real word, only a contruct by folk that don't know no better.

[Occhidiangela]

Metaphora isn't Greek though. It's Latin. Plural for metaphore.  :P Has nothing to do with the forums.

Metaphores is a bastardisation of the word, and technically, not allowed on the field of play since it is not actually a real word, only a contruct by folk that don't know no better.
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No kidding? Tell it to the caffeines, bub. ;) (Nit: plural for metaphor. :) )

Purpose of the summing up: a flight of fancy into the air currents of malapropisms, horrid puns, and inane plays on words. :D

To misquote Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado

"To make each posting sent
Unwittingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment."

Occhi

[Any1]

Because nobody likes it dry Or cold for that matter.

Go from :o to :w00t:

Your welcome.

This stuff... Does unbelieveable things. I highly recommend that everybody try it.

I have tried the stuff with the last two girl-friends (18 months apart). I can tell you with some certainty it did nothing for her or for me. The rise in temprature was imperceptible. The GFs checked with their girl-friends that had also tried it and the vote was unanimous. It didn't make any difference.

[Occhidiangela]

I have tried the stuff with the last two girl-friends (18 months apart).  I can tell you with some certainty it did nothing for her or for me.  The rise in temprature was imperceptible.  The GFs checked with their girl-friends that had also tried it and the vote was unanimous.  It didn't make any difference.
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There's always the ostrich feather, zucchini, and electric toothbrush. :D

Or not.

Occhi

[Any1]

There's always the ostrich feather, zucchini, and electric toothbrush.  :D

Or not.

Occhi
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Ah, the "old school" approach. ;)