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08-13-2005, 06:05 AM
(This post was last modified: 08-13-2005, 06:06 AM by DeeBye.)
Burying a corpse in a field somewhere doesn't seem to be a viable option. You always read about news stories in which someone unearths the remains and the police eventually track down the killer. Statute of Limitations for Murder and all that. The same goes for tying a heavy weight to the body and dumping them in a body of water. Eventually an identifiable part of the body will be found and the killer is arrested.
So how would you dispose of a corpse so that no one could ever trace a murder back to you?
Let's assume that you live in a single-family dwelling. Let's also assume that you have neighbours that would wonder about any odd smells.
Here's what I would do. I would immediately place the body into a large chest freezer. If I didn't already own one, I could probably pick one up second hand for pretty cheap. I'd set it to the coldest setting and freeze the body.
I'd then get to work lining my basement or garage with plastic building wrap. I don't want any stray DNA stuff to fly around, and I want to be able to contain the evidence.
Once the body is frozen solid, I'd go to work with a grinder. I'd pay particular attention to the fingers and teeth. It would probably be a week-long process. Everything would be ground to dust, and I'd cart it out nightly in small grocery bags and dump it along the sides of little-used roadways. The wind would carry the evidence away to freedom.
I dont think you hvae used a grinder much.
Grinding stuff makes heat - you would just have a big sloppy mess.
Im not sure but a 50 gallon drum and a lot of Draino might work.
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You chop up the body in to sections and drive out to a hog farm.
The hogs will dispose of every last scrap of evidence, even the bones.
How do I know this? I live in the South. People come up missing all the time. They never find the bodies.
All alone, or in twos,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall.
"Isn't this where...."
I think that only works in the south.
Hog farms arent easily accessable most places.
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*picks up the phone and calls the Canadian Police* :whistling:
Cheers,
Munk
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Congratulations on demonstrating the loss of the last shred of both good taste and of human decency. Is it your hope that in the future the Lurker Lounge be known as the repository of "How-To" information on this topic?
I have seen what I thought was worse before here.
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Well you know, some times, like it or not, you wind up with a body on your hands. It's good to know how to dispose of it. :whistling:
Also, gator infested swampland is great for disposing undesireable corpses.
All alone, or in twos,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall.
"Isn't this where...."
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Incinerator. Clean it out afterwards.
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You do know that each and every single suggestion so far has been foiled on CSI, right? :whistling:
When in mortal danger,
When beset by doubt,
Run in little circles,
Wave your arms and shout.
BattleTag: Schrau#2386
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NiteFox,Aug 13 2005, 01:48 PM Wrote:You do know that each and every single suggestion so far has been foiled on CSI, right? :whistling:
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How about making a really big slingshot and shooting it to the moon!
I bet those sneaky crime busters at CSI can't crack that one :)
Cheers,
Munk
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If you're squeamish, I guess you shouldn't have killed someone.
Step 1: Freeze the body. Less mess.
Step 2: Get rid of those pesky teeth. Pull them out and crush them up.
Step 3: You need to burn the body. Best way to destroy all possible DNA. With the hypothetical, either A) take up camping and buy an extra-large cooler, or B) build a firepit in your backyard and start having regular barbeques. After the food's all cooked, dump a bit of victim in the coals and build a little bonfire around it. Small pieces at a time. Keep your old newspapers in the garage near that freezer for ease of use as "kindling."
Thawing time: 10 minutes on Defrost.
Step 4: If you went camping, bury the bones. Bury them away from eachother, no more than a couple bones to a hole. Deep holes. If you went the at home route, crush them up and discard them with the ashes.
If you've managed to do all that and not get caught, you're probably getting away with murder. Simple is always best, though. I wouldn't doubt there are more people who have gotten away with murder by stuffing the body in a hole or a dumpster than there are people who have gotten away by keeping a corpse by the fudge-pops, destroying it a bit at a time.
"AND THEN THE PALADIN TOOK MY EYES!"
Forever oppressed by the GOLs.
Grom Hellscream: [Orcish] kek
Mostly everything on CSI is foiled because people are sloppy.
There would be a couple of obvious points/
1 Make sure you arent a suspect before their is evidence. If the police suspect you did something and search your house quickly chances are will find something.
2 Most of America doesnt have the uber team from CSI investigating murders.
3 Dont leave anything to chance.
Im by no means a criminologist(nor a criminal) but just watching TV shows and the evening news its clear most people are caught because they made a mistake.
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Rinnhart,Aug 13 2005, 09:30 PM Wrote:Simple is always best, though.
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Another fun option is to dress the body in a hat and sunglasses and pretend he is alive while you enjoy your whacky weekend hijinx!
Rinnhart,Aug 13 2005, 08:30 PM Wrote:I wouldn't doubt there are more people who have gotten away with murder by stuffing the body in a hole or a dumpster than there are people who have gotten away by keeping a corpse by the fudge-pops, destroying it a bit at a time.
[right][snapback]85936[/snapback][/right]
I suspect most people who get away with murder dont hide/move or even touch the body. Its probaby easier to limit your connection to a crime than it is to hide or obscure the crime.
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Ghostiger,Aug 13 2005, 10:42 PM Wrote:I suspect most people who get away with murder dont hide/move or even touch the body. Its probaby easier to limit your connection to a crime than it is to hide or obscure the crime.
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You're probably right, but that kinda takes the fun out of it.
What about home-brewing an incinerator like they use at funeral homes? You wouldn't need a full-size one if you kept the body frozen and then lopped parts off. I figure that you probably wouldn't want to hook it into your home's gas supply because the gas company would have a record of a huge jump in fuel used. Wood as fuel would be easiest, but it might be problem buying enough wood in bulk without leaving a paper trail. If you had a fireplace and you lived somewhere cold, having a few cords of firewood dropped off in your driveway wouldn't seem out of the ordinary.
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wakim,Aug 13 2005, 01:20 PM Wrote:Congratulations on demonstrating the loss of the last shred of both good taste and of human decency. Is it your hope that in the future the Lurker Lounge be known as the repository of "How-To" information on this topic?
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Oh I think DeeBye could sink lower. :D
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DeeBye,Aug 13 2005, 06:39 PM Wrote:Another fun option is to dress the body in a hat and sunglasses and pretend he is alive while you enjoy your whacky weekend hijinx!
[right][snapback]85942[/snapback][/right]
Then you could use the carpool lane!
The Bill of No Rights
The United States has become a place where entertainers and professional athletes are mistaken for people of importance. Robert A. Heinlein
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jahcs,Aug 14 2005, 01:09 AM Wrote:Then you could use the carpool lane!
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GENIUS!
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Never trust a man who owns a pig farm.
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