Just Another Political Post.

[Doc]

Remember when I made that joke about Republicans? And everybody flamed me and started second guessing my political stance, and a bunch of people made themselves look like Jackasses?

Well, now, it's time for me to thumb my nose at Democrats. I told you I was fair and balanced.

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but urban activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that having self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

21. You have to believe that John Kerry’s Purple Hearts are legitimate, and that a Massachusetts Senator more liberal than Teddy Kennedy can be elected President of the United States.

22. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

And to all those people that accused me of being a Democrat during my last political joke post, you can get bent.

Flame on!

[--Pete]

Hi,

I have to believe that a Nordic bridge has been left without its tenant. I guess some trolls moved to SC where they could get net access.

--Pete

[Doc]

Hi,

I have to believe that a Nordic bridge has been left without its tenant.  I guess some trolls moved to SC where they could get net access.

--Pete
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Yes Pete, they have. :P

[Minionman]

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
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I've never understood how Hillary Clinton became such a big deal. She seems like a plain vanilla standard congressional democrat, nothing more, nothing less, from what I keep seeing.


Personally, I don't care if someone is "normal" or not, I want someone who agrees more with what I'd like the country to be like, and can do the job well. "Normal", or "friendly" fall very far behind. Hillary clinton is o.k. if no one else was available, but doesn't really stick out.

[Doc]

The very worst sort of troll is one that presents the truth in a pretty package.

Hmm just thought I'd say that.

:D

And Godzillary Clinton would totally wreck this country if she was ever president.

[jahcs]

Great list Doc.

I got a good chuckle out of this one. (Your Republican joke was pretty funny too. ;) )

[Brother Laz]

There is only one small problem in this whole list: 'You have to believe that' in front of each sentence. Otherwise, you are almost spot on.

......

> You have to believe that having self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

Isn't this exactly the same as the Republican dogma that 'poverty is a state of mind'? I thought the left wing was supposed to reward personal effort, not results (biased by social background, random luck, etc.).

Ergo, attempting to improve one's situation (but failing) would be more important than having high self-esteem (due to being born rich and having been to MIT at daddy's expense).

> You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

As far as I know, guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are not the problem. Pity not every gun owner abides the law...

Also, it may sound funny but in Europe we aren't constantly afraid that China will nuke us, and strictly speaking, they have no reason to do so anyway, because they are *ding!* ECONOMIC PARTNERS.

> You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

Ad hominem arguments, eh? This is the reverse version of the 'Bush can't speak in public' jokes.

Edit: I dislike H.C. too, but a party is not defined by the one muppet they choose to promote to presidential candidate (usually because of hair colour, nice voice, etc.).

> You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

... before you bash socialism, learn the difference between socialism and communism in real world politics kthx. Most of Europe is socialist, and quite different from Marx' idea of socialism. (that isn't cheating. Remember what the REPUBLICans and DEMOCRATs were originally about?)

Also, China isn't communist any more, it is now a a capitalist dictatorship, like Singapore, Thailand etc. etc. Last time I checked, communist governments are supposed to at least provide a pension to the workers.

> You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

If you're Republican, you have to believe that illegal funding of right-wing terrorists in third world countries by the Republican party to overthrow the legitimate government is somehow in the best interest of the inhabitants of said countries... remind you of a certain president?

......

Yes, people, the original poster is a gigantic troll. Don't waste your time replying to this. I sacrificed myself. ;)

[Doc]

Yes, people, the original poster is a gigantic troll. Don't waste your time replying to this. I sacrificed myself. ;)
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Flattery will get you everywhere.

There was entirely to much reason in that post. With all the tension around here lately over various political potholes, I thought I would help release that tension by allowing people to blow off much needed steam. All that well practiced reason and not enough outrage or anger.

Thanks for mucking up that effort. You noodlehead.

[Archon_Wing]

Hey, that's not funny. That's more like the truth. :lol:

But, anyhow, I should just be narrow minded and declare you a communist nazi anarchist capitalist fascist.

[Doc]

Hey, that's not funny. That's more like the truth.  :lol:

But, anyhow, I should just be narrow minded and declare you a communist nazi anarchist capitalist fascist.
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You bastard!

[Minionman]

Hey, that's not funny. That's more like the truth.  :lol:

But, anyhow, I should just be narrow minded and declare you a communist nazi anarchist capitalist fascist.
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communist nazi anarchist capitalist fascist pig. Get your meaningless political insults right! :)

[Minionman]

And Godzillary Clinton would totally wreck this country if she was ever president.
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A lot of people have said that, but I don't get how they got to thinking that way.

[Doc]

communist nazi anarchist capitalist fascist pig.  Get your meaningless political insults right! :)
[right][snapback]89576[/snapback][/right]

The pig bit went to far. You heartless wanker. :unsure:

Why did you have to be so hurtful?

I'm telling Bolty on you and reporting that post. :glare:

[Minionman]

Instead of arguing/agreeing with the rest of these points designed to get people on edge, which would be pretty pointless in this thread, and I've argued some of this before, I'll make up my own list.


You support "family values" if:

You believe that government laws can cover every possible situation in every possible interaction between millions of parents, kids, married couples, relatives, boyfriends/girlfriends, siblings, stepparents, etc.

You think that the telepathic power of someone else's decisions on sex and marriage and such has more power on a person's own relations than anything that person themselves does.

You count family success by how much the kids kick and scream when being dragged to meals.

You assume that anything with sex is more dangerous to kids than anything with violence in it, and that fake violence is more of a problem than real violence.

If someone were to say the word "gay" into your ear at night, you would jump up, grab a knife, and stab them to death.

You do not understand that big words can have more than one definition.

Any kind of music released after 1990 is bad. Even those newer U2 Cd's are bad.

You assume that sitting around listening to relatives talk about other relatives is a much more wholesome and useful experience than, say, things with computers.

Swearing isn't as bad as sex, but comes pretty close.

You do not understand that words can have more than one meaning. "conservative" in the sense of "cautious" doesn't have anything to do with 'conservative" in the sense of "relligious nut".

You think gayness is a bad virus spread through air from vocal cord tissue infections.

(and for the really mean spirited one) You have so little self control over your own violence and sex issues that you need the government to do it for you.

[Doc]

Now that was some first class trolling right there.

I can't compete with that.

[Minionman]

Now that was some first class trolling right there.

I can't compete with that.
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HA! I Win! Where do I pick up my $1,000?

[Chaerophon]

You know what I find most irritating about pundits from 'the left'? The notion that one must believe in the moral acceptability of abortion if one is to be logically consistent. I am anti-abortion, I think that it is morally wrong. I'm not 100% sold on the idea that the government should be legislating it either, so I guess I'm a bit of a fence-sitter. I'm not going to get into why, that's not the point, and I don't want to start the mother of all troll threads.

All that I WILL say is that I believe that those of a more liberal bent can believe in that abortion is morally wrong and remain logically consistent in their beliefs. To state the obvious, the dogmatic reductionism of the Ann Coulter's (or the Al Franken's) of the world does no service to real political discourse.

Remember when I made that joke about Republicans? And everybody flamed me and started second guessing my political stance, and a bunch of people made themselves look like Jackasses?

Well, now, it's time for me to thumb my nose at Democrats. I told you I was fair and balanced.

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but urban activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that having self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

21. You have to believe that John Kerry’s Purple Hearts are legitimate, and that a Massachusetts Senator more liberal than Teddy Kennedy can be elected President of the United States.

22. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

And to all those people that accused me of being a Democrat during my last political joke post, you can get bent.

Flame on!
[right][snapback]89552[/snapback][/right]

[--Pete]

Hi,

. . . 'the left'?  . . .
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Did you mean 'the right'? Or am I totally misreading your post?

To state the obvious, the dogmatic reductionism of the Ann Coulter's (or the Al Franken's) of the world does no service to real political discourse.

The extremists of all types are usually narrow minded idiots that add much heat and little light to any topic. However, it is the greater idiocy of the whole population which buys their books and their ideas that causes the real problem. Why should the American public, the product of fifty years of a failed school system and incapable of understanding one side of an argument (much less appreciating the fact that all arguments have two sides) have any popular representatives other than moronic demagogues?

--Pete

[Minionman]

You know what I find most irritating about pundits from 'the left'?  The notion that one must believe in the moral acceptability of abortion if one is to be logically consistent.  I am anti-abortion, I think that it is morally wrong.  I'm not 100% sold on the idea that the government should be legislating it either, so I guess I'm a bit of a fence-sitter.  I'm not going to get into why, that's not the point, and I don't want to start the mother of all troll threads.
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You are sort of in "the mother of all troll threads".


However, this post about abortion can apply to anything really. I ted to think "liberal", and my one voting experience went that way, but that doesn't mean I agree with every stereotypical "liberal" position and stereotype. Almost no one actually does. But somehow I still see people voting or agreeing with an idea just because it's "liberal" or "conservative", and not worrying about whether it makes sense or not.

To add the equivalent "conservative" annoyance, I mentioned it in my "family values" bit, but it is a real thing I see, where people will think a certain way because "I'm conservative and hard working, so I'll vote for conservatives", without thinking anbout actual conservative policies, and whether, say, lots of religion really effects how cautious people are.

[Doc]

You are sort of in "the mother of all troll threads".
However, this post about abortion can apply to anything really.  I ted to think "liberal", and my one voting experience went that way, but that doesn't mean I agree with every stereotypical "liberal" position and stereotype.  Almost no one actually does.  But somehow I still see people voting or agreeing with an idea just because it's "liberal" or "conservative", and not worrying about whether it makes sense or not. 

To add the equivalent "conservative" annoyance, I mentioned it in my "family values" bit, but it is a real thing I see, where people will think a certain way because "I'm conservative and hard working, so I'll vote for conservatives", without thinking anbout actual conservative policies, and whether, say, lots of religion really effects how cautious people are.
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Wow. Mother of all troll threads?

I feel flattered.