Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Beans.

[Doc]

Acid
Apple
Avocado
Bacon
Bagel
Baked Beans
Baking Soda
Banana
Beanstalks
Biscuit
Blackcurrant
Bread
Brown Sugar
Brussel Sprouts
Butter
Buttermilk
Candy Floss
Carrots
Caterpillar
Cauliflower
Caviar
Celery
Centipede
Cheese
Cherry
Cherry Tart
Chewing Gum
Chicken
Chocolate
Chocolate Mousse
Cinnamon
Coconut
Cod
Coffee
Compost
Cookie Dough
Copper
Corn
Cough medicine
Cucumber
Curry
Custard
Diesel
Dirt
Earthworm
Earwax
Egg yolk
Eucalyptus Leaves
Flowers
Fried Beans
Frog Legs
Glue
Grass
Ham
Honey
Honeydew
Horseradish
Hot Sauce
Ice Cream
Ink
Iron
Kidney Beans
Lamb
Latex
Leather
Lemon
Lettuce
Lima Beans
Lime
Liver
Lucozade
Mango
Maracana Nuts
Marmalade
Marshmallow
Marzipan
Mayonnaise
Meatballs
Menthol
Milk
Mince
Mucous
Mud
Mustard
Noodles
Onion
Orange
Paint
Paper
Paprika
Parsley
Parsnips
Pasta
Peanuts
Pepper
Peppermint
Pepperoni
Perogies
Petrol
Pina Colada
Plaice
Potato
Prawns
Prune
Raisin
Raspberry
Rotten Egg
Rubber
Rum
Salad Dressing
Salmon
Salt
Sand
Sardines
Sausage
Shampoo
Shrimp
Soap
Soda Water
Sour Cream
Spinach
Squid
Strawberry Jelly
Strawberry Mousse
Sugar
Sulphur
Sushi
Sweetcorn
Syrup
Tartar Sauce
Tea
Thyme
Toast
Toe nails
Toffee
Tomato Ketchup
Tripe
Trout
Turnip
Urine
Vanilla
Varnish
Vinegar
Vomit
Walnuts
Wildgrass
Wood
Worcestershire Sauce
Yoghurt
Zucchini

There, I hope I listed them all, I may have missed one or two. Maybe three.

Ok. To be completely honest, some of them are very, very bad. Soap for example, is utterly REVOLTING. It will leave a taste in your mouth for a very long time.

Some of them smell after you bite them. Like... Erm, lemme think. Rotten egg. After you bite it, you get this smell that fills your nostrils from inside your mouth. The stench is incredible. Some of them, like grass, actually smell quite pleasant. Squid smells... Oceany. Like the faint smell of rotten fish on a hot summer's day.

Some taste different than you think they would. Menthol tasted more like I was eating a menthol cigarette. Diesel actually tasted (and smelled) more like kerosine. The milk flavoured ones neglected to mention that they were, in fact, sour milk and this is unforgivable. I was caught completely by suprise.

And some of them have some sort of odd chemical residue. My mouth for example, still tastes like a rubber tire, right now this moment as I write this. And I had the rubber bean last night, a little after midnight.

The mucous beans, or booger flavoured, really are quite bad. No lie. The horrific taste of a freshly hawked loogie filled my mouth, and caused the gag reflex to kick in. So realistic in flavour that I almost reflexively spit it out as if I was hawking out a real loogie.

Copper to me, well, tasted more like blood. Then again, blood is coppery flavoured.

Caviar. Make no mistake, caviar is every last bit as revolting as it sounds.

Tartar sauce was strangely good. Had a strong pickle flavour.

Tripe. Jesus failed to have mercy on my soul as I repeatedly requested after eating this bean. You have been warned.

Sardines. Well... **Faints**

Compost... Should I warn you about compost? I feel that I should... But would hate to spoil the suprise. Compost... How do I put this delicately... Compost smells, and tastes, (Or at least as I would imagine based on the smell) like #$%&. It's truly feculent. The stink was really rather bad. Like being baptised in a septic tank sort of bad. On a hot day. Ugh. Once again, Jesus left me high and dry after I begged him to spare me of this horrific flavour. It was like grabbing a spoon and devouring the contents found in the basement of an outhouse. On a positive note, the parrots learned a couple of new colourful obcenities from the grand master.

Toe nail has an earthy fungusy flavour. Sort of like eating a really bad mushroom with a side of rotten meat left in the sun to spoil.

Liver. Liver. Liver. Believe me, serving it with some favre beans and a nice chianti would be a waste of your time.

Vomit. I did not bother calling Jesus, he had left me high and dry twice already, and I had realised I am on my own. Sort of salty, with a strong hint of bile.

I did not realise that caterpillars were so bitter. Almost aspirin-like to me. Wretched really.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like Worcestershire sauce. I use it for cooking all the time. But a Worcestershire flavoured bean was suprisingly revolting. I mean, it was seriously bad. I honestly had doubts about my ability to keep gumming it and choke it down. I was a little shocked by this one, and since the encounter, have not been able to look at the bottle of Worcestershire sauce in my fridge with out feeling rather green and queasy. I do not know why, but this one was really very bad. I had to lay down on the cool pottery tiles of the kitchen floor for a while and close my eyes to fight back the waves of nausea. There was no way I was making it to the couch. There was no way my wife could have assisted me, as she was clinging to the porch rail, still incapacitated by the cod flavoured bean, blowing chunks noisily in to the flowerbeds. She informs me that the cod flavoured is really more like cod liver oil and is most unpleasant. It could be that the effects of several beans had caught up to me, and Worcestershire was the catalyst that had set everything off. I would really rather not think about it thank you.

Some beans, like cauliflower, salad dressing, lettuce, etc, I am sure would have made a nice salad had they been eaten together.

Cough syrup. Ooh. Vile.

Sushi. Smells like bait. It will leave that not so fresh feeling in your mouth. So really, it's quite handy that there is a vinegar flavoured bean.

Consume with caution. Really, these beans are really quite bad. I mean, there are plenty of good flavours, but if you have a morbid sense of curiousity, sooner or later, you are going to reach for one of the bad ones, and you will find out just how far in to the depths of hell you can spiral.

[Jeunemaitre]

-- snip --

Consume with caution. Really, these beans are really quite bad. I mean, there are plenty of good flavours, but if you have a morbid sense of curiousity, sooner or later, you are going to reach for one of the bad ones, and you will find out just how far in to the depths of hell you can spiral.
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Two things I must ask: do they come with labels, or were you and the Mrs. going back and forth daring each other to keep reaching into the bag of pain? Second, how was "wood?" I'm wondering if it tastes much like the pencils I used to snack on in elementary school.

[Doc]

Two things I must ask: do they come with labels, or were you and the Mrs. going back and forth daring each other to keep reaching into the bag of pain?  Second, how was "wood?"  I'm wondering if it tastes much like the pencils I used to snack on in elementary school.
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There is a colour guide... But it is not accurate. So really, it is a crapshoot. And some tastes, a guide doesn't do much good. For example... Soap and shampoo. I am betting not to many people could tell the difference.

Wood tastes sort of well, cedary. But my wife says it smells more like pine to her.

Why? Longing for a taste of delicious grade school pencils?

My poor wife has been mumbling about "earwax" in her sleep. That one didn't go down well.

[Jeunemaitre]

Why? Longing for a taste of delicious grade school pencils?
[right][snapback]98320[/snapback][/right]

I'm not sure that I'm longing for the taste again, just reminiscing a little. I won't say they're good memories, but interesting at least. Thanks for the info. Something tells me that I might want to try this gastronomic experience, but every part of my being tells that something to be quiet and go away.

[Doc]

I'm not sure that I'm longing for the taste again, just reminiscing a little.  I won't say they're good memories, but interesting at least.  Thanks for the info.  Something tells me that I might want to try this gastronomic experience, but every part of my being tells that something to be quiet and go away.
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Well, take this as you will, but you should listen to that still small quiet voice.

Life, as a whole experience, is all about learning to deal with both the good and the bad. Life is not always pleasant. On some deep philosophical level, I love these beans, and cherish them all, even the bad ones. They are a fine representation of how life is. Good, bad, and suprising. If all of life was pleasant and good, we would go numb to the sensations of living. It would become meaningless and devoid of reward. It is because of the bad that we appreciate the good that happens. And so it is with jelly beans. The rum and the coconut beans were outstanding. The coffee flavoured beans were an experience in ecstacy and delight. But had I not experienced the horrors of evil beans beforehand, I doubt that the pleasant beans would have tasted so sweet. Just another lump of sugar like all the other lumps of sugar in life. Ho-hum.

[aaa]

The mucous beans, or booger flavoured, really are quite bad. No lie. The horrific taste of a freshly hawked loogie filled my mouth, and caused the gag reflex to kick in. So realistic in flavour that I almost reflexively spit it out as if I was hawking out a real loogie.
[right][snapback]98317[/snapback][/right]

Hmm I tried a booger flavoured one, wasn't really that bad, didn't taste much like boogers either...

Or so I hear...

[Doc]

Hmm I tried a booger flavoured one, wasn't really that bad, didn't taste much like boogers either...

Or so I hear...
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The ones labled "booger" really aren't that bad from what I hear. There are two very different sets of beans. The ones you can buy off of the shelves here in America offer fewer flavours and are less intense.

The ones from the UK offer lots more flavours. They also cost more, and there was for me, a 13 dollar import fee.

There are, as should be noted, different series of beans as well, and they change frequently here in the states. I understand they are up to series four, and have tamed the flavours considerably, and are down to maybe a dozen flavours now. Hot buttered popcorn is an American only flavour I am trying to track down and find, as I am a big fan of hot buttered popcorn blowpop suckers.

Still awaiting my cockroach clusters. And they are not the gummy cockroaches either. These are real honest to God cockroach clusters. I hope they are viewed as an exotic confectionary rather than an attempt to smuggle vermin in to the country.

Edit. DumDum suckers. Not blowpops. DumDum makes the hot buttered popcorn suckers, and I think they stopped doing it, I can't find them any more.

[LochnarITB]

Acid...
...Zucchini
[right][snapback]98317[/snapback][/right]

Interesting list and fun descriptions of the experience. I offer you one more thought to ponder. Somewhere out there is a taste tester for each of these flavors... :blink: :wacko:

[Doc]

Interesting list and fun descriptions of the experience.  I offer you one more thought to ponder.  Somewhere out there is a taste tester for each of these flavors... :blink:  :wacko:
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If I were young, and needed a job, I would so totally do that for a living.

How would one go about finding a job like that though?

[Concillian]

Hot buttered popcorn is an American only flavour I am trying to track down and find, as I am a big fan of hot buttered popcorn blowpop suckers.

Edit. DumDum suckers. Not blowpops. DumDum makes the hot buttered popcorn suckers, and I think they stopped doing it, I can't find them any more.
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Buttered Popcorn is a Jelly Belly flavor, is that what you mean? It's by far the least favorite Jelly Belly flavor I found in my informal polling.

[Doc]

Buttered Popcorn is a Jelly Belly flavor, is that what you mean?  It's by far the least favorite Jelly Belly flavor I found in my informal polling.
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It's also a Bertie Botts flavour, these are made by Jelly Belly.

I am told the Bertie Botts version is more buttery.