I'm steaming....

[GenericKen]

You ever get hit by a 2% suckout? Ever get hit by two in a row?

Ever miss a 55% chance to win... 14 turns in a row (a 0.01% suckout)?

Ever #$%& up a test you had prepared for for hours on end... incorrectly?


Welcome to my last 2 weeks. I'm not the *most* unlucky person, but I'm unlucky enough, and I'm frickin *STEAMING*.

:angry::angry::angry::angry:
:angry::angry::angry::angry:
:angry::angry::angry::angry:
:angry::angry::angry::angry:

[Guest]

Other than this line,

Ever #$%& up a test you had prepared for for hours on end... incorrectly?

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I cant even figure out what you are talking about.

[Munkay]

Other than this line,

I cant even figure out what you are talking about.
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UrbanDictionary.com helped me find the answer:

Suckout: Poker term. When a frikkin idiot calls a huge bet with nothing and proceeds to catch two or more miracle cards for the win.

Example:"Wow, you had AK? When the flop came AK9 and you went all-in I was sure you were bluffing so I called with my 72. Good thing I caught running 7s for the set!"

Urban Dictionary Dot Com

I guess he lost some money. And did poorly on a test. Or... something. I'm lost too.

Feel better?

Cheers,

Munk

[DeeBye]

I know man. I once farzelled a 20-10 split hanksnob, but then the next guy dead-on fries it. What are the odds?

It was like that time I fiftyshot the flank from the red, only to come up 6 guages short.

:angry: :angry: :angry:

[Doc]

A while back ago, I was steaming. I was outside, and carrying sumptin, and the strain made me f-a-r-t.

It was just cold enough that the fart caused a little puff of steam.

[Occhidiangela]

A while back ago, I was steaming. I was outside, and carrying sumptin, and the strain made me f-a-r-t.

It was just cold enough that the fart caused a little puff of steam.
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Thanks for sharing. Metamucil or Tums may help with that.

Occhi

[whyBish]

A while back ago, I was steaming. I was outside, and carrying sumptin, and the strain made me f-a-r-t.

It was just cold enough that the fart caused a little puff of steam.
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2 User(s) are reading this topic (0 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
2 Members: whyBish, Griselda

[Doc]

Thanks for sharing.  Metamucil or Tums may help with that.

Occhi
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Who says I need help? Or want it?

It's my own land. And I'll do what feels good.

And if the EPA shows up, I got sumptin for them.

[Premezilla]

You ever get hit by a 2% suckout? Ever get hit by two in a row?

Ever miss a 55% chance to win... 14 turns in a row (a 0.01% suckout)?

Once, not so long ago, during a cross-country meet, I was playing poker with some of my friends. (No-Limit Hold'Em, FYI)

I was dealt a decent hand of a Q8 (or something like that) and put in a dollar to see the flop. Out comes Q88. I'm ecstatic, but want to play it cool, so I call. My friends raises $5, and I snicker to myself, what with my full house hand winking up at me. I bet $20, thinking that my friend would fold and I could pick up an easy $5. But he calls.

I'm more confused than worried. I have a full house, and it's solid. The next card comes out 9. I'm relieved. I raise another $5, and my friend counter-raises me another $15, so the total in the pot is now $40. By now, I know my friend is either trying to buy his way out of the hand or is seriously bluffing. The last card comes out a 9.

I'm overjoyed. I got this. This is MINE. I flip my hand over, congratulating my friend and smiling to myself....

....as my friend turns over Q9.

I kid you not.

I had QQ888, he had QQ999.

$40. Gone. Wasted.

To this day I still think he rigged the deck.

[eppie]

I kid you not.

I had QQ888, he had QQ999.   

$40.  Gone.  Wasted.

To this day I still think he rigged the deck.
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Jup, the old QQ999 rig..that is the oldest one in the book....you should have been prepared for that one.

[Munkay]

Once, not so long ago, during a cross-country meet, I was playing poker with some of my friends.  (No-Limit Hold'Em, FYI)

I was dealt a decent hand of a Q8 (or something like that) and put in a dollar to see the flop.  Out comes Q88.  I'm ecstatic, but want to play it cool, so I call.  My friends raises $5, and I snicker to myself, what with my full house hand winking up at me.  I bet $20, thinking that my friend would fold and I could pick up an easy $5.  But he calls.

I'm more confused than worried.  I have a full house, and it's solid.  The next card comes out 9.  I'm relieved.  I raise another $5, and my friend counter-raises me another $15, so the total in the pot is now $40.  By now, I know my friend is either trying to buy his way out of the hand or is seriously bluffing.  The last card comes out a 9.

I'm overjoyed.  I got this.  This is MINE.  I flip my hand over, congratulating my friend and smiling to myself....

....as my friend turns over Q9.

I kid you not.

I had QQ888, he had QQ999.   

$40.  Gone.  Wasted.

To this day I still think he rigged the deck.
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Twice I was in a 6 person game with a twenty dollar buy in. First time I had QJ and a 10 down straight flopped. I figured I'd at worst split if someone had my hand. What happened the first time? Got beat out by a flush.

Second time? Beat out by a flush.

I decided after the second time I should take it as a sign, and stop playing poker for money. :P

Cheers,

Munk

[kandrathe]

A while back ago, I was steaming. I was outside, and carrying sumptin, and the strain made me f-a-r-t.

It was just cold enough that the fart caused a little puff of steam.
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What are the odds that you would take this incomprehensible post down to your level. :)

[kandrathe]

Twice I was in a 6 person game with a twenty dollar buy in.  First time I had QJ and a  10 down straight flopped.  I figured I'd at worst split if someone had my hand.  What happened the first time?  Got beat out by a flush.

Second time?  Beat out by a flush.

I decided after the second time I should take it as a sign, and stop playing poker for money.  :P

Cheers,

Munk
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Poker is a chance game you can win at by staying in it for the long haul. If you lose two hands in a row and quit the game, then you are right, you shouldn't play poker. I've been playing poker for quarters with friends every month for many years now and the consistent winners are the ones who save their big bets for the right moment.

[eppie]

and the consistent winners are the ones who save their big bets for the right moment.
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Yes this is very true. Just like marathons are won by the fastest runners.....

[Mithrandir]

By steaming, you're playing right into your opponents' hands. Poker is a game of chance, bad beats are going to happen. People always remember their bad beats and never the bad beats they put on other people though, so the statistics always seem slanted against you if you're just going off your memory.

Chris Ferguson once pointed out that the better player you are, the more bad beats you're going to take, since you're getting your money in with the best of it much more often. A bad player, on the other hand, is going to be dealing out lots of bad beats since they're going in with the worst of it so often.

In any case, roll with the punches and know that luck trumps skill in the short term but that in the long term skill is the deciding factor.

[Zarathustra]

You know, if you kill a man in the dead of winter, steam will rise up from the wound.

[Doc]

If you play, and you want to win... Invest.

First, you need a hold out device. A sneak. It's a little device that goes inside your sleeve, and with the right movement, it pushes some spare cards up your sleeve. These cards can be anything you like.

Dopplegangers. These cards are specially marked cards. They make them for all brands of card decks. They are marked in the pattern and you must train your self how to recognise. The Bicycle brand cards for example, will have a certain petal marked in a certain place depending on the type and suit of card. Or the vine may end in something other than a leaf. It may end in a heart, a club, a diamond, or a spade.

Eyewear. Invest in a pair of Eagle Eyes. Special type of glasses. They look like tinted reading glasses. These are very special, and expensive. And they go with:

Eagle Oil. It's called so many different names that you are going to have to hunt it. Snake oil. Cheater's Lube. It's a special little vial of a special kind of oil. As you play cards, seed your deck. When you have a king, moisten your thumb in the oil. How you do this is up to you, but do so cleverly. The thumb print will show up a bright blazing blueish purple through the Eagle Eyes. Once you have your deck seeded, you will know which cards are which as people hold them. Put two thumbs on a queen. Side of your finger on jacks. Work out your own system.

For people to cheap for Eagle Eyes, knicking works. Make a slight cut in to the edge of your desired card with your thumb. This is an old time honoured technique. It's been around longer than I have.

Other than a hold out device, you will need other means of dispensing. Belt buckles are probably the most common. You don't think those pro gamblers wear those big Texas sized buckles just to look sexy do you? Sucker. There's cards in those buckles. All the high cards of all four suits. Some even have multi deck, different brands. Some of those buckles are amazingly clever. Spring loaded and can pop a card up like a toaster with the right leg movement or sucking in your breath and forcing your gut out to push on a pressure plate the right way. Hats are another. Some hats have trick brims. When you see a gambler sitting in a thoughtful pose stroking the brim of his hat, he's retrieving! That cheating bastard. A little slight of hand later, he has the cards he needs. Then there are cowboy books with spring loaded holdout devices you activate with your toes, each toe releasing a different spring for a different card. And beware of neckties!

And then there is card counting. Between seeding the deck with your own marked cards and counting, you can run the game.

Make sure you play for an hour and make your self lose. This is important. You can seed a lot of cards in an hour, replace the working deck with your own, and you can watch for people's tells. And then wait for the right moment so that way it doesn't look like you are cheating. Wait till the best hand is a couple of jacks or something, and then help your self to three of a kind after working the other fellas over to fill the pot with some well placed buffs. It's not the big hands you win with a royal flush, it's the small steady unassuming flow of well timed little victories that rake in the cash.

And the most important thing I can tell you... Never play cards with Doc.

[Doc]

Oh, to help you get started.

Fake Bicycle brand cards.

They come marked and ready to tell you what each and every card is.

Yes, magicians use them too.

What, you don't think that guy that does those amazing magic card tricks actually has psychic powers to guess which card you pulled do you? When you hold up your card to look at it, he (or she) is seeing the back of the card, which tells him (or her) everything.

Never lose again unless you want to.

[kandrathe]

Yes this is very true. Just like marathons are won by the fastest runners.....
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Really? I thought they were won by the ones who had the best endurance, and didn't burn all their energy too early.

Good analogy though. Poker(gambling) is best played as a marathon. Better to bet small, win small repetitively than depend on dumb luck for a big score.

[Rhydderch Hael]

...Yes, magicians use them too.

What, you don't think that guy that does those amazing magic card tricks actually has psychic powers to guess which card you pulled do you? When you hold up your card to look at it, he (or she) is seeing the back of the card, which tells him (or her) everything. ...
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Is this really news to anyone? I own an invisible deck and a stripper deck, the staples of any half-competent magician's store.