I am formulating a diabolical plan.

[Doc]

Ok. So, I have this evil plan bubbling away in my brain to pull a holiday stunt. A social statement. Maybe social punishment. And I need some opinions, maybe even ideas to make it, well, more evil.

This is the time of year where people are asked to donate to food banks and what not. And it strikes me that the people that can afford to give the most tend to give the least, and the ones that can afford the least tend to give the most. The poorer folks not only tend to donate more food, but better food. Perhaps because many of them have had to get food from food banks and realise just how awful food bank donations can be.

So, I started plotting, how do I punish those that should be giving more, and giving better? I am devious, and plotting is in my nature. And after a lot of coffee I started perculating a plan for a little justice.

My plan is simple. Contact the elite and high society types with an offer. A small donation of food will secure for them an invitation for a black tie formal social affair. Probably at the Hyatt ballroom or someplace overly fancy and prickish. A big charity ball where the society reporters are bound to show up and people will be lining up to donate food and get in because they want the public to know just how good they are and that by giving away that dusty swollen can of creamed corn from the very back corner of the pantry shelf makes them some glorious saint. Er, back on track. People will want to go because it will be a chance for them to show the world just how good they are. People will bring entire flats of creamed carrots with Asian writing on the can bought from the surplus dollar store just to get bragging rights that they brought the most food.

Anyhow, my plan is to hold the food drive a week or two before the actual formal dinner.

And then the plan goes devious. Take all of the food collected during the food drive, and use the very worst of it to make dinner for the people coming to the black tie formal event. Serve them the very crap they want to pass off on the poor. And let them know what they are eating. And when they don't want to eat it, pointedly ask them why would they donate food they wouldn't eat themselves to the poor and expect them to eat it. Because, you know, I am an asshole and all that.

And to be a real bastard, have a photo-op planned before the actual dinner, so I can get the faces of everyone involved, the names, all of which they will gladly give because they think they are being toasted for being the high and mighty saints that they are, and then maybe, just maybe, run some stuff through whatever media outlets about how these people refused to eat the food they themselves donated to the poor. A long list of faces and names. Because, you know, punishment just isn't punishment with out embarassment and pain.

So. Any thoughts, opinions, or improvements on the plan?

[Zippyy]

A grand scheme! Just shy of perfection. Try to work in a way to not only shame the rich but also aid the poor. Better to be Robin Hood than just a hood.

[Roland]

A grand scheme! Just shy of perfection. Try to work in a way to not only shame the rich but also aid the poor. Better to be Robin Hood than just a hood.

What Zippyy said.

[Doc]

Yeah, the poor need to get something from this. Somehow. As of right now, I am so pissed off that I am honestly not thinking of their needs at the moment... I am feeling incredibly pissy and vindictive today after going over some estimate reports. Food banks are damn near empty. T-Day is coming. The food is actually leaving the food banks faster than it is going in, which is a REAL problem. Just about every community ministry I know of is having some difficulty, even the Catholic charities are experiencing some shortages, and they are brutally effective at squeezing their flock for donations using the dual scourge of guilt and duty. (Not a bash at Catholics at all. I may not agree with their theology much, but they are, by and far, some of the most charitable people around and they are well organised for distrobution) Part of it is the terrible economy, part of it is that poverty is overwhelming everyone and everything in sight, and from what I hear part of it (From the Catholic side at least) is that a lot of the charitable workers are getting old and retiring. Nuns and such. And there are not enough of the younger generation replacing them. There is a lot of problems right now. Oh, and the whole war thing, where so many of our locals (And everybody elses) are off in the sandbox and their wives and children are straining our resources to the point of something critical breaking. There are a lot of factors this year. Going to be even more problems in the coming years. Wal Mart is using all of this to their advantage, building more and more stores in this area, while local business owners are away in the sandbox. When those guys come home, they are not going to have a business to return home to. Which means in a few years, there is going to be even more strain. No end in sight. Total economic collapse is happening right now this minute around here. Parts of this area are rapidly turning in to ghost towns... Mass evictions of people who can no longer make ends meet. Mill workers who had mill housing... Well, with what few mill jobs that are left, which aint many, but a lot of those guys joined the National Guard to make ends meet and get benefits, etc, and they are all gone now, and their wives and children are losing thier homes because it is impossible to make ends meet with the husband gone. It is downright scary seeing an entire neighborhood die. Nothing but empty houses in some areas. God, it is awful here. The ripple effect is destroying everything around me. Wages are actually going DOWN around here. So many people looking for work that employers are dropping wages lower knowing that people will take the job. Wal Mart is bottomed out at min wage for most of its workers... About a year ago it was a dollar or two over min. Quick stores and gas station clerks, which used to pay about 8 to 10 and hour, maybe more on high risk shifts, has gone down to barely a buck over min. A lot of the fast food places have dropped full timers from their rosters, staffing themselves entirely with part timers, all of which are working at a flat min wage. It is crazy watching all this happen and get worse.

And the people that could be helping the most, they are doing the least. What good is money if you don't do anything with it? I am feeling powerless and angry, two feelings that make me prone to being irrational and dangerous.

I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with some long term solutions to combat everything that has been happening, and all I have come up with is blanks. Nada. I aint got nothing.

[Munkay]

You really think that's going to result in them giving more? Or is this just a stunt to 'get back' at the upper crust regardless of the result?

Sounds like you're going to be pushing away the people who have the highest potential to make a large impact. I know I certainly wouldn't drop a big sum of charity money after being duped like that.

The idea itself is fine, sans the trickery. Make it a public event, let it be known and then ask people why they won't partake in such an event. Treating people poorly is only going to result in making you more poor - especially where it matters, in the foodbank.

Cheers,

Munk

[Doc]

You really think that's going to result in them giving more? Or is this just a stunt to 'get back' at the upper crust regardless of the result?

Sounds like you're going to be pushing away the people who have the highest potential to make a large impact. I know I certainly wouldn't drop a big sum of charity money after being duped like that.

The idea itself is fine, sans the trickery. Make it a public event, let it be known and then ask people why they won't partake in such an event. Treating people poorly is only going to result in making you more poor - especially where it matters, in the foodbank.

Cheers,

Munk

You are of course, partially correct. I will give you that.

That said, do you understand how hard it is to give away dozens of cans of glazed carrots or generic dollar store canned peas that nobody wants, people don't want to take, and it winds up taking up shelf space where better food could be stored? Ever tried to give away a can of stewed oysters? What exactly does one do with hundreds of cans of dollar store value brand bamboo shoots and sliced water chestnuts? Do you have any clue how many man hours are wasted having people sort through the canned goods and removing all of the cans of dog and cat food that wind up being slipped in? People do that intentionally! What exactly does one do with an entire flat of canned pork livers? Would you eat it? How about canned pork brains in milk? Anybody hungry yet? Who wants cans of beef tripe? Mmmm tripe, it is what's for dinner.

It may be difficult to understand, but there are actually donations that hurt the food banks.

And I would love to sit down and feed these people some of the "vittles" they donated. It is their way of insulting and injuring the poor.

[LochnarITB]

And I would love to sit down and feed these people some of the "vittles" they donated. It is their way of insulting and injuring the poor.

While I applaud the evil genius turnabout is fair play sentiment behind your plan, I also agree that doing so would more likely stifle future donations. I don't believe that most people make such donations with the intent of insulting and injuring the poor. More so, I think such donations come from the thought that buying cheap allows high quantity, thus "filling" the shelves that are said to be empty. Their thought process needs to be changed. To that end, I do think it is a good idea to have a dinner made of a small portion of the donated goods. If the dinner was made strictly of the donated goods, missing or poor quality items would be apparent and I think most people would get the point.

I also think that part of the reason people donate as they do is buying such items in bulk is easy. Perhaps it would benefit everyone if the food shelves met them half way. It would take some volunteer effort, but how about setting up a food donations registry just as a couple would set up a wedding registry? When the invitations are sent out, include a small flier outlining a few days/evenings when a volunteer would be stationed at a certain local grocer. I would guess the grocer would allow a table to be set up and truck parked for the promise of extra sales. The volunteer would be there not only to suggest and check off items as they are donated but could also recommend brands that allow the most bang for the buck while still being of a quality that we would all expect of our food. If it would only require a few minutes of their busy lives to grab a short list of items and quantities, I think people would be willing to open their pocketbooks. Another suggestion is something that is done by at least one of our local chains up here. They actually have a rack of pre-shopped bags full of donations in different quantities. If you felt like you could afford $10 this week, you would grab the $10 bag and run it through the checkout. There is then a drop box near the exit where these are dropped off to be gathered and taken to the food shelves. When I have done this, it seems that the drop box is usually full, hopefully because of high participation rather than slow pick ups.

[the Langolier]

And I would love to sit down and feed these people some of the "vittles" they donated.

I can read the headlines now: "Supposed food donations for the poor fraudulently used to cater to the wealty!"

What good is money if you don't do anything with it?

What do you mean don't do anything with it? A summer condo in Hawaii, private planes (or at least first class), 10,000 sq ft homes, Jaguars, Porshes, BMWs - one of each, of course - 100 ft yachts, designer fashions, wardrobes for pets, jet skis, snow mobiles, custom design motorcyles from OCC, hookers, dedicated T1 lines, etc. All these things blow through their cash as fast as they can make it. I was flipping channels the other day, and came across some TV surgery and paused for a moment. Actually, it was some surgery on a woman's breats, and I thought it was interesting that they would bother to film this proceedure since everything was fuzzed out anyways. Turns out the show was "Dr. 90210", which is kinda like a reality show that follows a few plastic surgeons in California. After the surgey, it showed this doctor talking with his wife at home about this home (presumably some kind of mansion) they were planning on buying. They actually could not afford it, and so the wife would have to work for the first year at least. These people are stupid. A plastic surgeon in the most vain part of the country (so lots of work) who lives so far beyond what he needs that he can't make ends meet? It's almost beyond reason.

Anyways, perhaps all we can do is learn their lesson for them, be more giving ourselves, and be content with what we can do. And finally, this little gem from Seinfeld (concerning me betting you whether or not you will do it): "I know you can't do it, and I am positive that you won't."

[eppie]

So. Any thoughts, opinions, or improvements on the plan?

No to me it looks as perfect as it can be. I wish I could be there to help you.