Fibs my grandpa told me

[LochnarITB]

My grandpa was adored by a great number of people. Almost every time I was around him, there were friends and family as well so I couldn't always have the time with him I would have liked. Some of my best times, as a kid, were those summer weeks that I got to stay at the grandparents house having their attention all to myself. We would do and talk about a lot of things. He would tell me stories that I had to believe were true and he would tell me fibs that ranged from "nah, I don't believe it" to "wow, really?". Last night, as I was eating some donut holes, I remembered a fib he often told.

Long before people actually cut, fried and ate donut holes, the hole was truly that, the empty spot in the middle of the donut. Grandma often made donuts that are still the best I have ever tasted. While eating a fresh warm one, with the smell of the fryer still in the house, Grandpa would warn me not to get too close to the hole because eating the hole in the middle could make me sick. That was, of course, a "nah, I don't believe it".

Then, there were the times when we would get in the car to head into town for something or other. It was a small, one stoplight town. We would be sitting at the light and he would tell me he could change the light to green when he wanted to. Sure enough, he would flash his lights and the stoplight would change. That was a "wow, really?". It took a while for this gullible kid to figure out he was watching the other lights to time his action.:blush:

What were some of the fun fibs that your Grandpa (or crazy aunt Sue or drunk neighbor Billy or other adored childhood figure) told you that you remember to this day?

[DeeBye]

My Opa insisted that my Oma invented scrambled eggs. He was also a pretty awesome Santa Claus.

I miss my Opa :(

[Occhidiangela]

Granpa

Few memories of Grandpa:

He was bald.

Old.

Rarely laughed (though I later learned he was quite the joke teller)

Ate ketchup on his scrambled eggs.

He called my mom, a very pretty lady, Butch, which I found out was due to her being the second child, and the son he never had.

He refused to fly on airplanes, but always took the train from New Jersey when he came to visit us. He and grandma would not come to visit us together. She flew down. The train allowed Grandpa more time to drink, I guess.

He never owned a car. Took the train to New York each day, and back, an Organization man, and would be in the bar car in the afternoon. He'd then walk home. As kids, he'd take us on walks to see the train. We'd try not to step on sidewalk tracks.

I remember he said "in this world, there are more horses behinds than there are horses."

No stories told, my older brother got all of those.

He died when I was six.

Mom later told me he was an alcoholic, or at least a heavy drinker.

Occhi

[DeeBye]

Ate ketchup on his scrambled eggs.

Is there any other way to eat them? :huh:

[Doc]

Is there any other way to eat them? :huh:

Yeah.

Salsa verde. With sour cream.

[--Pete]

Hi,

Yeah.

Salsa verde. With sour cream.

Right on! And a little sharp cheddar scrambled into the eggs. Mmmmmm!

--Pete

[Taem]

Both of my grandfathers are still alive. One is 94 or 95, and the other is in his 80's. As I grew up, I really never felt comfortable around either of them. Neither of them were/are very funny, both seem serious, with an adult sense of humor although this doesn't help me much now because I never really established a relationship with either one.

One was a smoker/alcoholic (stopped both for a few years) that now suffers from diabetics, yet now that he knows his life is dwindling away, decided to start up smoking and drinking again. He was a simple man, a gardener. I found out that he prevented my grandmother from many good-paying jobs because he was jealous of her abilities to surpass him as a woman.

The other, the 94/95 year old, is a womanizer whose wife died from cancer 14-years ago and suffered excruciatingly from shingles during her bout with cancer before she passed away. He was married again within a year to a 43-year old woman. My mother told me he was a real "firecracker" growing up, but left that life behind to become a pastor. As a pastor, he felt the need to constantly move his family from rural area to rural area; state to state every other year or so. This was extremely hard on his family, and he always chose to settle in the most destitute of civilized areas to teach the word of god - you can imagine the effect this must of had on his children (my mother). When he couldn't cut it as a pastor, he would sell insurance door to door. Like Occi, this grandfather of mine loved eggs with ketchup.

I guess you could say I didn't have very good role models as grandfathers growing up. Perhaps this is why my parents divorced when I was young? Who knows. The only thing I really remember about my smoker/alcoholic grandfather when I was young is how much of a bad temper he had. I can't really recall any instances in particular, but I do remember he never smiled. This changed as I aged, and he smiles now and then when he sees my children, but he never smiled with I was a child. The 94/95 year old told a slew of adult jokes, but was very "person-person" oriented, who paid no heed to children. I guess you could say I never really had any relationship with him as a child. That about sums up my youthful experiences with my grandfathers.

[protoshoggoth]

My grandmother used to insist that socks came in right and left pairs. Who knows, maybe at one time they did, but she imposed this weird sock-sorting regimen on everything. :whistling:

[Griselda]

Hi,
Right on! And a little sharp cheddar scrambled into the eggs. Mmmmmm!

--Pete

If Doc and Pete agree, doesn't the world have to come to an end?

[Lissa]

Hi,
Right on! And a little sharp cheddar scrambled into the eggs. Mmmmmm!

--Pete

Holy crap! The second seal has been broken... :ph34r:

[ShadowHM]

One of my grandfathers was of the 'children should be seen and not heard' school of thought. Hence, I have very little recollection of him at all, since he died when I was ten. I always escaped outside when the family visited them, and wandered the farm. He probably liked me a lot more for that than he would have had I stayed indoors. :rolleyes:

My other grandfather, however, liked kids. I 'drove' his tractor during the haying as a toddler by clinging to the steering wheel from his lap. I cut my feet on the teeth of the conveyor belt that took the hay bales up to the loft of the barn, as I snuck rides up there on it. I climbed fences, teased the cattle, raided the pea patch, snuck berries from the berry patch, you name it. He sang Hank Williams songs to me. :wub: He never told me one fib - it was ALL the truth ! ;) And, bless his heart, to the day he died, he was certain that my husband wasn't good enough for me. :lol:

[Doc]

One of my grandfathers was of the 'children should be seen and not heard' school of thought. Hence, I have very little recollection of him at all, since he died when I was ten. I always escaped outside when the family visited them, and wandered the farm. He probably liked me a lot more for that than he would have had I stayed indoors. :rolleyes:

My other grandfather, however, liked kids. I 'drove' his tractor during the haying as a toddler by clinging to the steering wheel from his lap. I cut my feet on the teeth of the conveyor belt that took the hay bales up to the loft of the barn, as I snuck rides up there on it. I climbed fences, teased the cattle, raided the pea patch, snuck berries from the berry patch, you name it. He sang Hank Williams songs to me. :wub: He never told me one fib - it was ALL the truth ! ;) And, bless his heart, to the day he died, he was certain that my husband wasn't good enough for me. :lol:

I am not exactly a grandparent, but I am a godparent.

I am positively convinced that there will be no men good enough for my Goddaughter. I am already making plans on where to stash the bodies when the time comes. I am so happy that she thinks boys are icky.

I've told a fib to her though. I told her that the moon gets full because it is pregnant. When it gets very full, the full moon, it gives birth to a new star in the sky. And then it goes back to being normal.

And Pete and I agree on a great deal of things... No big deal. :blush:

[TaMeOlta]

My grandmother used to insist that socks came in right and left pairs. Who knows, maybe at one time they did, but she imposed this weird sock-sorting regimen on everything. :whistling:

Shoggoths wear socks ... on their tendrils ??? :blink:

[protoshoggoth]

Shoggoths wear socks ... on their tendrils ??? :blink:

Hey I never said they were my socks. But yeah, it does get pretty cold in our Antarctic city...not that I'm admitting anything.

[krishta]

What were some of the fun fibs that your Grandpa told you that you remember to this day?

Actually, my maternal grandfather told a lot of wild stories, but according to my Mom, they were true.

During the Depression Scoop (my grandpa) did his best to feed his family, even so far as to steal if he had to. He went with a friend out along the railway line into the country on a cold winter night. They found a herd of cows, killed one, butchered it and they each carried a side of beef home. The cops were pretty sure they knew who did it, so they came knocking at the door. The policeman asked some pointed questions, and Scoop says to him "Sure, I carried a side of beef 5 miles through the snow. I got it hangin' in the front room." He invited the cop in to look for himself. He looked at Scoop, shook his head, and left. My grandfather was about 5 ft 6 and 98 pounds soaking wet. No way he could have carried that much weight that far. The side of beef was indeed hanging in the front room, which being unheated and winter time, made a good refrigerator.

Scoop worked at the International Harvestor plant for 30 odd years, operating a paint sprayer. He held the spray gun in his left hand and sprayed all day long. He had Popeye arms, well the left one anyways. He'd arm wrestle for beers at the local pub (with anyone who didn't know him that is). Scrawy little guy would naturally lose the first round, and then bet double-or-nothing left handed. Guess who wins, eh?

Krishta

[Flymo]

I am positively convinced that there will be no men good enough for my Goddaughter. I am already making plans on where to stash the bodies when the time comes. I am so happy that she thinks boys are icky.

Just break the legs of the first one. Word will soon get around.