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Hello :w00t: <...I need to get a Life :P
![[Image: pressone.jpg]](http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b167/johnsonkeithhunt/pressone.jpg)
Quote:Questions we refuse to answer:
OK, so we did the "why do we park in the driveway and drive in the parkway" thing. That doesn't mean we're going to answer every crackbrain question some comedian dreams up. In particular, if you ask one of the following, we'll track you down and do things so bad they scare even us.
Why do we need a hot water heater? If it's hot it doesn't need to be heated.
How can we have jumbo shrimp?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
Why does quicksand work slowly?
Why are boxing rings square?
Why, when lights are out, they are invisible, but when the stars are out, they are visible?
Why do we call them apartments when they are all together?
If cows laughed, would milk come out of their noses?
Why does Denny's have locks on the door if it's open 24 hours?
Why do ships carry cargoes and cars carry shipments?
When will a building actually become a built?
Idiotic questions that repeatedly crop up.
The Straight Dope.
Why is there braille on drive-up teller machines?
________________
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Jim...aka King Jim
He can do more for Others, Who has done most with Himself.
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Why do we need a hot water heater? If it's hot it doesn't need to be heated.
Never actually *called* them that, so I can't account for stupidity.
How can we have jumbo shrimp?
Because the connotation of the word 'shrimp' has absolutely nothing to do with literal size, especially of peopleâ where the word is most often employed that way. If shrimp were, by default, larger than a man then we'd never use the word 'shrimp' to decribe small people.
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Because must folks think 'phone' means an electrical device you can talk through.
Why does quicksand work slowly?
I've bitten my nails dow to the quick trying to sort out the quick and the dead among those who have had long-term exposure to quicksilver.
Did you know that 'fast' also means 'stuck in place'?
Why, when lights are out, they are invisible, but when the stars are out, they are visible?
Confusion among the truncated, it be. Light go out of commission/service/order, but no one ever bothers with the extra words any more.
Why do we call them apartments when they are all together?
The fact that a single building has anumber of dwellings that are completely isolated from internal communication does tend to keep the inhabitants apart, no?
Political Correctness is the idea that you can foster tolerance in a diverse world through the intolerance of anything that strays from a clinical standard.
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Well, you piqued my curiosity. :P I am not a fan of spectator sports, so haven't squandered any time watching boxing matches. The square ring question had not occurred to me.
But now, thanks to Wikipedia, I know that:
Quote:The name ring is an atavism from when contests were fought in a roughly drawn circle on the ground. The name ring continued with the Jack Broughton rules in 1743, which specifed a small circle in the centre of the fight area where the boxers met at the start of each round. The first square ring was introduced by the Pugilistic Society in 1838. That ring was specified as 24 feet square and bound by two ropes. For these and other reasons, the boxing ring is commonly humorously referred to as the "square circle."
And you may call it righteousness
When civility survives,
But I've had dinner with the Devil and
I know nice from right.
From Dinner with the Devil, by Big Rude Jake
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Quote:
![[Image: national_language.jpg]](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/national_language.jpg)
:P
When in mortal danger,
When beset by doubt,
Run in little circles,
Wave your arms and shout.
BattleTag: Schrau#2386
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Quote:
This is pretty standard in Canada, but of course we have 2 official languages up here.
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04-05-2008, 06:14 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-05-2008, 06:17 PM by Rhydderch Hael.)
Honestly, I've never heard the words "Press '1' for English..." but I always hear "Para Español oprima numero dos..." The menu is always given to you, by default, in English. You have to actively push a button in order to get another language.
Political Correctness is the idea that you can foster tolerance in a diverse world through the intolerance of anything that strays from a clinical standard.
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Hello :w00t:
Call toll free and hear, "Press '1' for English" & "Press 2 for Spanish [Para Español oprima numero dos]", 1-800 229 6542 Cox Cable, it's a free call :P
Quote:Honestly, I've never heard the words "Press '1' for English..." but I always hear "Para Español oprima numero dos..." The menu is always given to you, by default, in English. You have to actively push a button in order to get another language.
________________
Have a Great Quest,
Jim...aka King Jim
He can do more for Others, Who has done most with Himself.
Posts: 536
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Joined: Mar 2004
Hello :w00t:
In Quebec, French is #1 & English #2...there was a documentry about Quebec which I thought was Great...Signs Must have French on top and IF English is added it must be in a smaller font under the French wording. :P
At a Bank America drive thru in South Florida there was a sign for a Loan in Spanish...NONE in English :angry:
Quote:This is pretty standard in Canada, but of course we have 2 official languages up here.
________________
Have a Great Quest,
Jim...aka King Jim
He can do more for Others, Who has done most with Himself.
Posts: 536
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Joined: Mar 2004
04-06-2008, 01:41 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-06-2008, 01:56 AM by Jim.)
Hello :w00t:
All good points...Some are a Oxymoron rather than Idiotic questions :P
Quote:Why do we need a hot water heater? If it's hot it doesn't need to be heated.
Never actually *called* them that, so I can't account for stupidity.
How can we have jumbo shrimp?
Because the connotation of the word 'shrimp' has absolutely nothing to do with literal size, especially of peopleâ where the word is most often employed that way. If shrimp were, by default, larger than a man then we'd never use the word 'shrimp' to decribe small people.
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Because must folks think 'phone' means an electrical device you can talk through.
Why does quicksand work slowly?
I've bitten my nails dow to the quick trying to sort out the quick and the dead among those who have had long-term exposure to quicksilver.
Did you know that 'fast' also means 'stuck in place'?
Why, when lights are out, they are invisible, but when the stars are out, they are visible?
Confusion among the truncated, it be. Light go out of commission/service/order, but no one ever bothers with the extra words any more.
Why do we call them apartments when they are all together?
The fact that a single building has anumber of dwellings that are completely isolated from internal communication does tend to keep the inhabitants apart, no?
________________
Have a Great Quest,
Jim...aka King Jim
He can do more for Others, Who has done most with Himself.
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Quote:If cows laughed, would milk come out of their noses?
This one reminded me of a motivational speaker back when I was in high school. The entire high school was assembled for this guy. I have no idea what his topic was (drugs, I suppose), just this one thing has stuck with me. He said "I'm going to yell something three times and I want you to yell it back, and then I'm going to ask a question and I want everyone to answer." So he yells "White!" three times and we yell it back.
Then he yells "What does a cow drink?!" And we all yell back "MILK!"
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Here's some more.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
It does, as soon as it's dry. That's why you can't get dry glue out of the bottle.
Can fat people go skinny dipping?
I hope not.
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
No, I can't.
Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
To demonstrate need.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
No, but it's possible to be partially total.
What's another word for thesaurus?
Synonym-finder.
If a book about failures doesn't sell is it a success?
No; then it's an example.
If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
No.
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
Cardboard.
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
No, then you have double the problem.
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest is there a sound?
Sure -- if someone is there to hear it.
If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
Only if he loses.
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Lanolin.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
No, and neither should anyone else -- have you seen the ingredient list?!
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
No, since funeral processions never arrive at night.
What do you do when a endangered animal eats endangered plants?
Smile.
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Yes.
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands?
Only if she sees it.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Only if another personality calls for help.
Is there another word for synonym?
Yes -- check your thesaurus.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Yes, but it is accurate.
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Yes (they get printed before the strike).
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
No.
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
The beach, like the rest of us.
Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?
Because people buy cat food, not cats.
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
No. Mean flies call them "cripples".
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
No, they're afraid George Michael will try to sneak in.
If a turtle does not have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Neither; he's dead.
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
They don't. They just use new ones, which only come sterile.
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Because that's what their goggles were attached to, and they needed the goggles to fly.
Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
No; there's nothing funny about clowns.
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
Preferably.
What is the speed of dark?
Zero.
How come we never hear about gruntled employees?
Because there aren't any.
I apologize for the long post. Please note that this is not my work, but funny nonetheless.
Quality over quantity.
- BruceGod -
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Quote:Can fat people go skinny dipping?
I hope not.
Silly, fat people do ALL kinds of dipping.
Reminds me of two funnies...
The first from a poster I saw in a store:
WOMEN with SMALL CHESTS . . .
. . . have BIG HEARTS
WOMEN with BIG CHESTS
.
.
.
... FLOAT BETTER
.
.
The second was a little ditty that my grandfather's third (and final) wife had on a little knickknack in the kitchen:
Ma loved Pa
Pa loved wimmen
Ma caught Pa
with two in swimmin
HERE LIES PA
-V
Imp...
The....
"Try..."
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