Your daily "What the heck are they thinking?" post

[Archon_Wing]

Hey, I was a bit curious about something, Archon. I'm not flaming, ok? :-) Anyway, I was just curious why you put "I think". If you don't wish to answer here, that's quite ok.

Well, there was once a while where the thought: "Wouldn't I just be better off, if I ended it now?" crossed my mind. Quite a bit. I think I was depressed over something that I now see as kind fo trvial. (I felt my life was going downhill...) But yes, the thought had crossed my mind. I did not act on it, as I would not be alive to respond to you. When I look back at it, I think "Gee, that was dumb." :) I'll leave it to you to fill in the blanks.

Why the heck did I typed " I think?" Well, that's a very good question. The weather here is rather hot then and still now and maybe I was using the wrong words. (As compared to the regular weather around here) The truth is, I still find it rather confusing. Maybe it is because I had these thoughts but I never actualy made any attempts or actualy commited suicide? So perhaps I don't know the exact feeling. You don't really have to make an attempt to be considered suicidal. *Spins in circles*

As for the subject of this thread, I find it strange that people actually have to reference online on how to kill themselves. Are they just drones that need to actually read how to kill themselves because they're too stupid to think something up on their own? You'd think they had never seen the half a dozen movie and tv shows where people kill themselves (the movie "Bringing Out the Dead" is a prime example...they actually in the movie tell a guy how to kill himself the "right way" and somewhat show him how...they don't cut him, but they did that to try and scare him, which worked 'cos the guy got freaked and ran off, lol).

One would think it's not the only thing that they would have looked. Most likely they were browsing for other depressing stuff.

I don't exactly agree with that (in some ways I do). There are people who will keep things like that from other people for whatever reason (could be just someone who normally keeps things inside or they just want to spare people the details and pain of what they're going through) and the only way people ever know there's a serious problem is after that person is dead.

Ick... That is very true. It is very difficult to pry stuff out of people. For some of my friends, there's obviously something going wrong, but they'll try to hide it. If you ask them about it, they just get really defensive. It's almost if they project this barrier around themselves. That is why usually these events tend to be very shocking.

Also, I do agree that her actions were selfish. Something I recommend to any suicidal person (well, kind of), though it is disturbing, is to think through what happens after you die. Imagining a parent or a lover finding your dead body and their reaction. It really is disturbing to think about that.

Yes, I do think this is what kept me off the deep end.

Moving back above to something while I remember it now: generally depression is not very easy to hide. So I'm curious if this girl was depressed if anyone, like Roger, her family, or even friends noticed a change in her that indicated depression.

My speculation tells me that they would have detected something, but it would not be conclusive. usually an excuse such as "I'm having a bad day" tends to throw people off. They also wouldn't be able to imagine that this person would commit suicide, as it a very extreme thing. It's just not one of that things you would look for. Change would probaly be shrugged off by the person.

[Axispoint]

Hello, Archon. First of all, thanks for answering the question. I also sometimes say or do things that make no sense, so I can understand completely. And also, to some extent, I can compare what you said to people who say, "I think I am in love." They have had feelings they think are love, but they don't exactly know if it was the real thing, so to speak. Odd comparison, but it's the best I can think of in my tired state tonight. Unfortunatly, I wish I could say I think I've been suicidal as well, but I can ditch the I think part. Which is sad and hypocritical of me (had a friend murdered when I was younger...he didn't get a choice of life and death and yet here I had been, mulling over that choice voluntarily). A lot of my problem is severe depression, though. Trying to get rid of it through medicine and therapist visits, but I feel I have a while to go before I'm ever able to be ok (I've found the meds only make it to where if I get depressed, I don't stay depressed...they don't prevent it...in fact, I've noticed lately I'm starting to do the things I did before I was on the medicine...that is not good 'cos I can't afford a higher dosage and besides, I think a higher dosage would only work so long and then I'd need higher and higher and obviously it's pointless...have to talk to my therapist about possibly consulting with my doctor and taking me off the meds). And yes, I am known for being a rambler, lol.

And it is possible the people could have been looking for other depressing stuff. Maybe for comfort. I don't really know (I failed mind-reading class ;)).

I had a friend of mine that went through something and for over a year he wouldn't tell me what it was and he finally told me 'cos I guess he got tired of me asking. Honestly, even though it was something pretty bad, I wish he had told me sooner 'cos you know, when I kept asking him, alls I was doing was dredging up very bad memories (which still cause him nightmares to this day), but at the same time, there was no way for me to know this. Truthfully, I'd imagine there's more things that go on in his head I'd have a devil of a time trying to pry from his mind, but well, just my little example of how people can be secretive with things, though you obviously understand :) (maybe someone reading doesn't, but I would suspect most do).

I do think you can tell someone is depressed, but not totally conclusively and there's no way to tell if they are suicidal unless they have cuts or say something (which I did tell a family member my probs and they did seem a little surprised, but not as surprised as I would have though...humm...).

[LemmingofGlory]

I don't exactly agree with that (in some ways I do). There are people who will keep things like that from other people for whatever reason

Which is why I said there was too much distance between her and her husband. She didn't/wouldn't open up to the very person she should be able to. She was, in effect, dodging perhaps two issues: the depression and whatever mental block prevented her from talking to hubby about it. I don't see closeness there. I see avoidance and, ultimately, a lashing out.

Something I recommend to any suicidal person (well, kind of), though it is disturbing, is to think through what happens after you die. Imagining a parent or a lover finding your dead body and their reaction. It really is disturbing to think about that.

For some suicides, I think inflicting emotional harm might be partly the drive behind it. An exceedingly morbid fantasy, if you will.

[o: *LEMMING* :o]