Tales of the Single Player
#1
Welcome to part two of a seven part series. I present to you my experiences with the barbarian (barb). Not my first barb. He couldn’t beat Diablo. Didn’t exactly put any points into vitality. Big no-no for tanks. So here is my second barbarian. He is one of only two characters who made it to Hell.

Act 1, Normal 1.00: Enter the Garden Weasel

Having gone through this act with my necromancer, there wasn’t going to be any surprises. I choose to go with swords this time around. I figured that one of the unique abilities of the barb was the cool duel wielding thing. I already tried it with axes, and we know how that turned out. Sword time! Since there were only two big skills for duel swords, Double Swing and Frenzy. I don’t remember what Frenzy did back then, but I didn’t think that it was worth it. I remembered the Ranger from AD&D, and thought back to his duel sword name: the garden weasel. Double Swing it is. The first few levels were uneventful. Unlike my necro, I could just whack the quill rat with any thing and get some gold. As always, it took me an extra two minutes trying to find where the last fallen ran to in the Den of Evil. But by the time I reached Blood Raven, I had achieved level six. Chop chop! I was dumb enough to pick up the “strategy guide”/Guide to being Blizzard’s Bitch, and knew that Double Swing (DS from now on) didn’t improve with added points except for AR. AR? I don’t need no sticken’ AR! What a fool I was. But when your build is done at level six, I was free to burn points like Enron documents. But what fun! I ran into Blood Raven and started to DS her. Her, and her cohorts died fast. Real fast. Now, if I can only keep that blue orb full…Easier said then done. Getting good Mana Leech meant sometimes using lesser weapons. I picked up Leap at level seven, having Inquest tell me it was good. And it was. Nothing more fun than Leaping into a carver camp, and DSing them to dust. At least, if it had some range to it. For now, all I could do with it is jump up instead of using stairs. Leaping used precious mana. Thank you, but I’ll walk. That was what this act was. Trying to be at the middle of a mob, and then attacking all of them at once. No one said that barbs were smart. Hell, even Anderial was squished easily.

Act 2, Normal 1.00: Incoming!

Well, here I was. Level 11, and in the desert. Maybe the hunky barb will be more lucky with Atma…Nope. Once I found that Horadrum Scroll, I added yet another point to Sword Mastery. Number nine, in fact. More damage and more AR. Can’t go wrong with a mastery. Thinking about it, those Horadrum scrolls are pretty handy. Wish Cain could write some more. Anyway, I soon learned that running into corpse gas left by crushed mummies was not so bad. I must have been green for at least half of act 2. O well. By this time, I was buying some nice big swords from Lady Paladin with mana leech. I could even DS all day without a drop in mana! The next highlight was when I hit level 16. As normal, I was assaulting the Arcane Sanctuary. I got Leap Attack. Hmm…I don’t like it. It’s slow. But it does launch me across the screen. Or over the gaps in the Sanctuary. Incoming! I would leap into a group of vamps and DS and move on. By this time, I was somewhat bored, so I would yell my own war cries. Not the tree. At home. You do weird things when the medicine wears off and it’s 11 o’clock at night. Yatta! I even did my own sound effects. The act didn’t really change much. Whack a mob and move on. I got to Duriel and smacked him around too. But you know what that means. Act 3. Somebody shoot me.

Act 3, Normal 1.04: Death to All Who Oppose Me!

Same crap jungle. Strangely, it wasn’t as hard/annoying as with my necro. Flayers like to gang up on me. I like to charge gangs. Hehe. Good hunting. I almost had fun chasing flayers around. I can almost pity the flayers. Here they were, without a shaman, and here’s this 300 pound beast charging at you with swords flailing screaming at you. More than one flayer #$%& their pants, that I guarantee. I could do this since one point in Increase Stamina allowed me to run forever. I said I almost had fun. The twists and turns, dead ends and ambushes; they started to take their toll. And that damn flayer dungeon. But Kurast. Ah, Kurast. What a fun place. So much profitable things too. Grabbed me a Sigon’s Wrap. This goes well with the Sigon’s Gage I found earlier. The end of act 3 was the same as act two. I ran around, and DS anything that moved. Hmm…One skill has carried me through three acts…I think I’m on to something. Mephisto went down just like any other punk before me.

Act 4, Normal 1.04: Force = Mass * Velocity

Here, at last, is act 4. None of my characters have beaten Diablo yet. This is where my last barb died a horrible death. Not this time. This time I’m pumped. This time I’m decked out. I’m out for revenge. It didn’t hurt that I hit level 24 and added Increase Speed to my list of feats. I like fast run/walk. I don’t have the time to walk from one fight to the next. Places to go, people to kill. I put maybe four points into this. I picked up some bigger, faster swords here, too. Good thing they both had mana leech. I also picked up some Goldskin armor in this act. It gives defense and resists. Remember, this is 1.04 here, so it wasn’t as good as the new version of it. Made me look good. I was an ass kicking machine by the time I reached the Chaos Sanctuary. Again, this place was much easier than with my necro. When the packs popped up when activating the switches, I focused on the leader and let DS do the rest. Diablo was awakened. He wasn’t going down as fast as his brother. I knew this because he chilled me often. I try to get away from his Lightning Breath of Death, but I normally need to drink a potion or two before I went back to demon slaying. I am proud to say I killed him. I did it without using a town portal. Time for some cow killing.

Secret Cow Level, Normal 1.04: Oops.

This isn’t pretty. So died in this level. 10 times. I made the mistake of getting the red portal surrounded. I died trying to reach it. When I tried to retrieve my body, the cows killed me. I tired leaping to it, but the cows killed me before I landed. After an hour of futile poison damage, I gave up. Good thing there wasn’t an experience penalty.

Act 1, Nightmare 1.04: Slow Going

I finally made it to Nightmare. What challenges await this battle tested warrior? Boredom. Nightmare fallen isn’t all the different from Normal fallen. More hit points. Big deal. Mostly, Nightmare is slow. I gained one level in Act 1. Level 27. Boring. But, I bought something that would change that.

Act 5, Normal 1.07: Home Sweet Home

Well. Here I am, Arreat’s finest, returning home after killing not one, but TWO Prime Evils. I am a hero of heroes, known from the Western Kingdoms to the jungles of Kurast as the baddest of badasses. What do the townspeople think of me? To the blacksmith I am a punk, to the elder I am a troublemaker, to the healer I am a child who needs cuddled, and to the master of arms I am someone to hire. But Cain, oh, he’s the wise one. Backstabber. He’s been riding my coattails to Hell and back and he gets the glory? From my people? Not to mention he hits on Anya every time he gets. Here I am, saving the universe, and there he is, banging the only young chick on the mountain. Hmm…Maybe Cain has more “arcane lore” than he’s letting on. Typical. Well, off to kill Shrek. The first thing I noticed leaving the gates of town was that enemies give nice experience. This make me happy. I cleared the Bloody Foothills, watched the pretty explosions, and preceded to save my fellow beatsticks who are held hostage on the plateau. Remember how I hate the flayer jungle? The imp plateau isn’t much better. I’m conflicted as to which I hate more. On one hand, the imps teleport, while the flayers run away fast. The flayers have shamans that revive them and use flamethrowers, while the imps have imp machines that pump them out. Neither imp nor flayer really does much damage. Imps only do range combat, while flayers come into melee range. Flayers group up for easy DS, while imps tend to space themselves out. Imps also have tricks, like jumping on a beast for a mobile artillery platform or man a tower for a big ass flamethrower. I guess the biggest difference is the terrain. The plateau gives me plenty of room to move around or run by the imps, while the flayers turn into walls to chop down. So that’s what I do. I run through the plateau, stopping only to free my people. My reward is being able to hire my brothers to join my fight against Baal. Oh my God. The mercs are useful! My fellow barbarian bashes and stuns! He attacks with swords! He can were these funky new hats! If you thought one of me was bad, two of us is downright evil. Well, the healer wants me to visit the frost caverns or something. So I do so. More plateau, but less imps. Instead I get Shrek like critters that are fun to kill. They have the coolest death animation in the game. And the sound they make is so satisfying. I breeze by into the frost caves. This and the other icy caverns are my favorite place to level up. Yeah, there are minotaurs, but I like them. Straight up beat ‘em up action. Except for the Harpies. Don’t like them. I can’t remember how many levels I gained there, but I gained Berserk, Whirlwind, Natural Resistance, and four more skill points. Maybe I saved some; I don’t know. But I learned that Whirlwind sucked. Oh, maybe not for you, but when I used it, the game would crash. That equals suck for me. Berserk didn’t do it for me, but Natural Resistance did wonders. I put a point into Find Potion and Find Item some time around level 28. I like Find Item. It increases my cash flow and chance to get good stuff. Having seen the minotaurs, I decided to put a point into Frenzy. Dear God, why haven’t I done this sooner?! This is so cool for a speed freak like me! I was convinced that it attacks two at once, like DS, but now I’m not so sure. Bleah. Chop chop! I saved Anya, got the super cool resist scroll, and then was told to kill the elder. Umm…OK. I also like the catacombs place. Those zombies are pretty cool. I do not like the necromancer. I do not like corpse explosion. But I did kill him, and killed him good. I was then given my next goal: climb Mount Arreat and take on the guardians. How hard could that be? Harder than I thought. First I had to hack my way through another imp infested area. Yay. Imagine if you had another flayer jungle to wade through after the bazaar. So I ran through it. I was happy to see a new ice cavern level greet me. More leveling up! I was around level 45 when I met the guardians. Those are mean people. Bah! Behold the power of Frenzy! Two minutes of potion chugging and clicking, and I gained two more levels! Time to face Baal. I soon learned that I needed to keep moving in Worldstone Keep. Which is something my barb likes to do. Except for the exploding minions. Those things do a lot of damage, and are hard to avoid. Let’s just skip to the gauntlet that Baal set up for me. As someone who likes leaping into mobs and letting loose, I was feeling happy. Fallen Shamans, dead. Radament Clones, squished. Council Members, cleaved. Balors, banished. Lister…oh crap. Quote Sir Robin of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. “RUN AWAY!” #$%& man, those dinosaur things are nasty little cans of whupass. I took a moment to consider my options. 1. I could charge Lister and DS him like I did every thing else since the Stony Field. 2. Frenzy and run. 3. Lure stranglers out and pick them off. 4. Buy a big crossbow and try range combat. 5. Level up more and try another plan. 6. There is no six. Guess which one I choose? If you picked something that involved tactics then you’re wrong. Frenzy, DS, Town Portals, and chugging potions like a frat boy going for a world record. Hey, it works. And it is more fun then changing the way I play. Hint: If you ever see me on b.net, know that I don’t care about builds and will be player a brabazon. That is a barb that likes bows. Hmm…Might try that some day…Back to the Tale. It was time to end this little game. Baal is going down! Charging in the red portal, (what is it with red and blue portals? How about a green one?) I found myself in the heart of Wordstone Keep. Before me was the holiest object to my barbarian tribe. Before us stood that which we were tasked so long ago with guarding. It was up to me and Yrmenlaf to save the world and live up to this sacred oath handed down by our forefathers. After we stopped drooling at the size of that beautiful gem, of course. I wonder what Gheed would do if he saw that? Better yet, I wonder how much he would pay for it? I’m going to need a bigger stash, and a lot of town portals…But first I had get through Baal. How hard could that be? After all, I did kill his brothers. Oh crap! There’s two of them! NOT FAIR! Well, there are two barbarians fighting him, so maybe it is fair. I town portaled out of there. I returned and the clone was gone. Must have scared him with my vanishing act. Wimp. Psst…Hey Baal. Know what time it is? It’s Frenzy time! Chop, chop kill, kill! Not even his force wedgie could stop me. He went boom just like his brothers and then the entire Keep started to shake. Tyreal appeared, gave me the “Good job soldier” speech, (does this guy ever give a real reward for saving the world?) and talked about the Worldstone’s corruption. That got me thinking. That ruby thing is the Worldstone. This place is called Worldstone Keep. Something is telling me that the sacred treasure isn’t the 1000 gold in back. (Damn, what a reward for destroying the most powerful evil demons in the world.) And then Tyreal said he has to destroy it. Wait. I thought it was my job to protect the damn thing and now you’re going to destroy it? After all I did to save the world, you are going to destroy the Worldstone and Sanctuary with it? And you think I’m just going to turn my back to it? Well, I did get a rare ring from Baal, and I do need to get it identified…What could Tyreal possibly do? He couldn’t kill one Prime Evil, much less three. So I stepped into the shiny portal. Next thing I know, I’m treated to a movie of Tyreal destroying the world. Cute. Might as well let Baal do it.

Skill Allotment

Isn’t this what got me into so much trouble with my Necro Tale? Oh well. As you can see, I like Double Swing and Frenzy, can’t use Whirlwind, and use Berserk for special occasions. In 1.10, I see that additional points into Double Swing reduce its cost, and points into Bash increases damage. Let’s just say I’m happy with that. What don’t I like? Warcries. Shout just doesn’t last long enough without pumping it. Recasting it drains the mana. Same thing with Battle Orders. And you know my stance: if it’s not good at first level, than why bother? Yes, I have a nice helmet that increases some skills. I like those skills to be the awesome Natural Resistance, Frenzy, and Increase Speed. But that’s just me. Given that by the time I get to Act 2, Nightmare I’m very bored with the character and try a new one, I don’t have the time to do item runs. Speaking of items, Find Item is great! I like to have about 25% in it. Try using it on Council Members.
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#2
force = mass x acceleration

Tedious pedantry, just one of the many services I offer. :)

What version are you playing?
"Yog-Sothoth is the key to the gate, whereby the spheres meet. Man rules now where They ruled once, but after summer is winter, and after winter summer. They wait patient and potent, for here shall They reign again."
- Abdul Alhazred

Warcraft characters
Stormrage:
- Naphta, 70 Warlock, 350 goblin engineer
- Xinth, 60 Warrior
Terenas
- Nezeramontias, 33 priest
- Boulderan, 13 shaman
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#3
YAHOO! :D The second one! :D I'm proud of you! :D Now all I have to do is read it!:D

I feel a little stupid!:D

(Soon to be edited)

EDIT: I have read it now. Verrry funny, I look forward to the next one. :)
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#4
Quote: I’m conflicted as to which I hate more. On one hand, the imps teleport, while the flayers run away fast. The flayers have shamans that revive them and use flamethrowers, while the imps have imp machines that pump them out.

T A U N T!

Also spiffy vs Abyss Knights (less casting) and birthers (Maggots, Grotesque), as it greatly decreases their young output. Note it doesn't work on the following:

Bosses/Champions/etc., Oblivion Knights, Water Watchers, Foul Crow Nests, Gargoyle Traps, Lightning Spires, Fire Towers, Stained Glass Windows, Mummy Sarcophaguses, Trapped Souls, Catapults, A5 battlements, those things in A5 that "impregnate" critters with Wyrms that spawn at death, and Minions of Destruction.

[o: *LEMMING* :o]
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#5
Superb write-up :)
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#6
Thank you everyone. My next will be my Paladin. Any suggestions about the write up itself, or about my advice?
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#7
A very entertaining read. Good job.
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