Dihydrogen Monoxide

[Obi2Kenobi]

Dihydrogen Monoxide is a potentially deadly substance. It is a cause of vomiting and sweating. It is also found in the tumors of cancer victims. It is the leading cause of the erosion of vital nutrients in the soil. It reduces the power of a car's brakes, thus causing many accidents. Every single criminal in America has used Dihydrogen Monoxide prior to the crime. If it comes in prolonged contact with the skin, it causes wrinkles and swelling. Although it is a major component of acid rain, it has not been added to the dangerous toxins list. Poor storage of this dangerous chemical leads to numbers measured higher than 10% of the air mass in some homes. If too much gets into your lungs, you die. Due to bad laws on containment, Dihydrogen Monoxide has gotten into oceans and fresh water reservoirs. It kills an undisclosed amount of people every year.
I got 42 signatures at my school to support the banning of this substance, and I polled 45. Two people didn't want to talk to me :huh:

More facts that weren't included on that paper are:
Its solid form can cause tissue damage, and its gaseous form can burn you. It is used as a nuclear coolant, yet it is still allowed around schools. It is even found in toilet bowls at public gas stations.

[Rhydderch Hael]

I once had a horrible work-related mishap with such substance. It was some eight years ago. I was a sandwich peddlar, working my way through my high school senior year. One day, near my work station, I hear a loud crash and hiss. A complex piece of machinery had suffered a breach in a pressure-bearing vessel. This apparatus took dangerous dihydrogen monoxide and mixed it with poisonous carbon dioxide gas in order to produce carbonic acid. It was this acid that was being spewed out of the breached vessel at high speed in a fine spray. And I was the worker ordered to approach the broken machine and ascertain the level of damage.

I was forced to endure a steady showering of carbonic acid as I endeavoured to locate some sort of cutoff valve. The substance rained upon me, soaking into my clothing and clinging to my skin. The horror of the experience stays with me to this day. :(

[Archon_Wing]

I believe I have just consumed said substance. Shall I contact poison control? :lol:

[WarLocke]

If you make frequent use of the substance (we call it Di-Mon around here) I wouldn't bother. Over the years I've developed an immunity to its' toxins, similar to how a snake handler becomes resistant to venom.

If you feel an uncomfortable pressure in your abdomen, however, rush to the nearest facilities. Di-Mon can have messy (and sometimes gaseous, if you've ingested the carbonic variety) side effects.

[Destroy-Titus]

I was forced to endure a steady showering of carbonic acid as I endeavoured to locate some sort of cutoff valve. The substance rained upon me, soaking into my clothing and clinging to my skin. The horror of the experience stays with me to this day.   :(

any worker's comp?

if not ... there's a really good lawyer in VA, he's the guy that tom cruise portrayed in a few good men :D

He's all over Virginia's phone books. I think his firm is called Joynes and Gaides, hehe.

[Occhidiangela]

Dihydrogen monoxide is the key substance in hygene. Without it, the incidence of diseases caused by poor hygenic practices would skyrocket. It is also the key chemical required for proper food digestion, and therefore cannot be banned without creating a serious famine problem worldwide.

A further social benifit of Di Mon is its use as an environmentaly friendly coolant in hot summer climes. Typically, applying it via immersion is both a social activity and a simple way to avoid over heating.

However, no lesser an authority than W.C. Fields asserts that Dihydrogen Monoxide is indeed poison, and he recommended rye or scotch whiskey, neat, as a suitable antidote for any unintentional contact with it.

Di Mon: It's not just dangerous, it's useful!

[Obi2Kenobi]

There are much safer substances that can be used for those purposes. For hygene, there is a thing called salacilic (misspelled, since I have no idea how to spell it properly) acid, which is in fact not as harmful as it sounds. Digestion is actually done by Hydrochloric Acid.

It is not environmentally friendly, unless you count losing nutrients and causing unknown numbers of houses ruined by it. And if you mean applying it by immersion as sitting a cess pit of this stuff, then you are obviously forgetting that prolonged contact can cause swelling of the skin, wrinkles, and in some severe cases, complete splitting of it.

And, in response to the last paragraph...

Originally said by Homer Simpson
Alcohol. The cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems.

//edit: Oh, and has anyone here seen Erin Brocovitch (or however it is spelled)? It was one of the chemicals in their reservoirs. Look what happened to the people who lived there!

[Sourskunk]

Poor, poor person. I feel for you, I'll even take a whole case of them off your hands assuming it didn't leak too much for free so as to spare you from the horror. On a sidenote, what brand? :D

[Sourskunk]

Can you believe there are quacks out there that actually recommend that you drink a gallon of dihydrogen monoxide per day?! They'll give anyone a license these days :blink:

I heard something even more frightening just the other day though. Now, I'm sure this is just a vicious lie meant to scare little children but did you hear anything about vast amounts of dihydrogen monoxide has been stored in our very bodies poisoning them even now? Personally, I'm calling the CDC to find out if they know about this because if this is true, I'm going to write my congressman demanding that he get the EPA working on this. Forget global warming, this could be catastrophic!!

[Occhidiangela]

Dear Sourskunk:

If you feel your Dihydrogen Monoxide concentration is too high, use either caffeine or Guinness, or both, in liberal dosages to rebalance the proportions. :D

[Sourskunk]

Ahh yes, another drink it is!

[Nystul]

This reminds me of a Tom Green bit. He went out on the streets with a petition for a Constitutional Amendment to End Women's Suffrage. He would walk up to women on the streets and say something like "Women have been suffraging too long. We need to put an end to this." Needless to say, some ladies got a bit angry with him, but plenty of them signed the petition.

Moral of the story: If you want to confuse people into having no idea what you are saying, be sure to use big words and jargon without explaining their meaning. And the corollary, if you want people to actually understand what you say, make sure you are talking their language :)

[Rhydderch Hael]

Careful there. That stuff's laced with dhmo.

[Obi2Kenobi]

Surely not in America! A gallon? A single tablespoon could kill you!

[Striker]

You got most of that stuff from here, didn't you ;) :

www.dhmo.org

[whyBish]

I wonder how many terrorists use it? ;)

[Obi2Kenobi]

Never heard of the place. I got it all from my memory. As soon I learned what the stuff can do.

[Tarlok]

Summer alert! I hope this message isn't getting out too late to be useful. It seems that this year dihydrogen monoxide has been added to EVERY SWIMMING POOL in America! What can this mean for our children???

Bob

[Obi2Kenobi]

Forget global warming, this could be catastrophic!!

When in it's gaseous form, this gas, of all found in our atmosphere, is the most insidious. It contributes to more fluctuations in temperature than any other gas. It has the greatest impact on local and global climate, and it too is emitted by industry and by numerous natural sources, due to poor containment.

[JustAGuy]

> This reminds me of a Tom Green bit.

It reminds me of a Chris Rock bit. He wanted people to sign a petition to change a street name to Tupac Shakur Boulevard. A lot of people signed it, surprisingly. I would have signed it...

As for the over-all gag, I think it makes its point quite nicely. A bit of saddening, though, as the point it makes demonstrates how moronic the cattle -- I mean, general public, is. Normally, I'd say THE AMERICAN PUBLIC, but it applies to all countries...