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This link leads to a revolutionary new product...
http://www.under-tec.com/index.php
A friend sent it to me and I thought I would share it with you all :huh:
I would be interestested to see some other revolutionary new (USELESS) products besides patch 1.10, so post your links in this thread.
Oomph-aak
Posts: 426
Threads: 26
Joined: Feb 2003
:blink: ...hilarious! :lol:
I really don't know what to say. I know.... My dog could REALLY use one of them. Seriously.
Greetings,
Refrigerator
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At last, a product that allows grandpa to play the old "pull my finger" game without requiring a gas mask and filter for the entire family. I must say, you can buy anything on the internet! For better or for worse.
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 3,498
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I dunno...
It sorta takes the fun out of it.
-DeeBye
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Disgusting... what an idiotic product...
"Turn the key deftly in the oiled wards, and seal the hushed casket of my soul" - John Keats, "To Sleep"
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10-01-2003, 02:45 AM
(This post was last modified: 10-01-2003, 02:46 AM by Doc.)
My farting makes me socially confident.
I have several stomach ailments, IBS with Constipation, etc. I have ulcer type wounds in my intestines and stomach caused by a nervous disorder. They bleed. I eat a lot of delicious goat cheese and breads of all kinds. I eat a pound of oatmeal just about every morning.
When I fart, I have brought hardened proctologists to tears. I have cleared out an entire doctors office. I have loud, long, smelly farts, farts that can last in excess of 45 to 60 seconds on average. Because of my rectal rippers, I have dreams of beating the world's record for flatulence. With effort, and the right food, I can just about break 2 minutes.
Be not ashamed of your flatulence. Be proud. It's the one thing all human beings have in common. It's one thing that with a little effort, we can all be good at. Flatulence should be a celebrated art form. Stand up and be proud my brothers and sisters, and toot your own horn!!
Edited for slight typo
All alone, or in twos,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall.
"Isn't this where...."
Posts: 6,430
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Joined: Feb 2003
1. If the people of the world were to embrace, per your suggestion, flatus as both a necissity and an avocation, there'd be no wallpaper left on any wall anywhere. Result? More paint, more noxious fumes of a different sort (VoC's anyone) and hence more environmental damage potential.
2. The methane in human flatus, similar to bovine flatus, is just as much of a danger to the global warming problem as the infamous bovine windbreaking we have discussed elsewhere. So, beyond the dreaded threat of an outbreak of Brown Lung, we'd have the green house gasses, lousy pun, to deal with.
Hey, don't strike that match!! EEP!!
*kaboom!*
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 1,991
Threads: 103
Joined: May 2003
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create an atomic bomb.
I bet I could shorten that a good bit. My RBD post about lighting my own farts should serve as a reminder.
All alone, or in twos,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall.
"Isn't this where...."
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
But we again have two problems.
1. How do you keep it in one place? What is the storage tank sized at? As you store gas, you have to have a considerable over pressure to keep packing the extra gas into the container. Think of it as trying to inflate a bicycle tire by belching into it. If the gas dissipates over that period, you never reach critical mass-volume, no atomic bomb equivalent explosion (yay for world peace) and no destruction of the dreaded SoBap menace which I am sure would be your target! :)
2. If you break wind for that long, would that not be a lonely six years and 8 months? I mean, even the lovingest spouse is gonna walk out after one month of non stop flatus, and most long before that!
:D
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 1,991
Threads: 103
Joined: May 2003
Spouse? Hell!!
My wife eats cheese, eggs, oatmeal, and bread just like I do. The two of us together are the Gruesome Twosome, a husband and wife tag team. She does the pretty girls don't fart fart. You know, the ones that never make a sound but sear your lungs from chemical burns.
As an interesting side note, I have been declared a "Medical Oddity" because of my excess flatulence. I seem to produce more gas then is humanly possible, and I have the medical tests to prove it.
All alone, or in twos,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall.
"Isn't this where...."
Posts: 857
Threads: 12
Joined: Feb 2003
This whole thread is just wrong.
Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.
:huh:
The Bill of No Rights
The United States has become a place where entertainers and professional athletes are mistaken for people of importance. Robert A. Heinlein
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... I knew I shouldn't have clicked this thread. :blink:
I've been known to drop a few "stealth bombs", but sheesh, 2 whole minutes Doc? No offense, but I'm glad I don't live with ya. ;)
Posts: 1,991
Threads: 103
Joined: May 2003
10-02-2003, 01:46 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-02-2003, 01:48 PM by Doc.)
http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/artic...84153-1,00.html
Hmm. Something tells me I could really screw the Flatus Odor Tester's day.
Odor judges are common in the research labs of mouthwash companies, where the halitosis-inflicted blow great gusts of breath in their faces to test product efficacy. But Minneapolis gastroenterologist Michael Levitt recently took the job to another levelâor, rather, to the other end. Levitt paid two brave souls to indulge repeatedly in the odors of other people's farts. (Levitt refuses to divulge the remuneration, but it would seem safe to characterize it thusly: Not enough.) Sixteen healthy subjects volunteered to eat pinto beans and insert small plastic collection tubes into their anuses (worst-job runners-up, to be sure). After each "episode of flatulence," Levitt syringed the gas into a discrete container, rigorously maintaining fart integrity. The odor judges then sat down with at least 100 samples, opened the caps one at a time, and inhaled robustly. As their faces writhed in agony, they rated just how noxious the smell was. The samples were also chemically analyzed, andâeureka!âLevitt determined definitively the most malodorous component of the human flatus: hydrogen sulfide.
Levitt defends his work against the reflexively dismissive by noting that doctors have never studied flatulence and that smell is a potentially critical medical symptom: "The odors of feces and intestinal gas and breath could all be important markers of gastrointestinal health," he says. Hydrogen sulfide, for instance, is an extremely toxic gas to mammals, potentially playing a role in ulcerative colitis, among other diseases. And so Levitt has dedicated his career to the study of the myriad fragrances produced by the human gut and imprudently ignored by the medical establishment.
On a side note, Occhi should get a kick out of the Barn Yard Masturbator bit. Expect caffeine fueled critical mass folks.
All alone, or in twos,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall.
"Isn't this where...."
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
That this whole thread stinks? ;)
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
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