The Matrix Retold

[Chaerophon]

We are incapable of determining truth.

Damn straight. As far as I, and many others are concerned, perfect certainties are an impossibility (with one possible exception: that being that 'I' exist as a thinking thing...) and we must only be satisfied with practical certainty. That being said, I'm not sure that you can infer from that that humans are idiots! In order to believe in something, a leap of faith, large or small, is necessary. That includes scientific 'fact' as well as religion. Thus, the 'purpose' of your existence is certainly subjective as we are incapable of empirically defining what that purpose may be; however, in the act of EXPLORING THE QUESTION we may be able to come to better understand what we WANT the purpose of our lives to be. That is to say that we may come to define what it is that we think is worth living for.

Existence in such an environment in which God is not empirically provable may appear to not be worth living. In my opinion, the task of existentialism, then, is not to say:

The road gives itself purpose

The road, instead, HAS NO empirically definable purpose.

Rather, existentialists tend to make the case that we must create our own reality in order to provide life with purpose and from this and only this will stem human happiness or at least satisfaction. In a world devoid of certainties, we must create our OWN certainties. Two major points to be considered in contemplating existentialism:

1.) Existence precedes essence. In other words we are born into the world without a difinite path, meaning, goal, etc. There is no discernible purpose to life before we are born. Existentialism is centered on the belief that we are thrown into a world where there is no meaning except that which we create ourselves.

2.) The world is absurd. If we are to believe that the only real meaning in the world is that which we create, we must first assume that the world is absurd and ridiculous. Ideas like "the meaning of life" are thrown out the window when we realize that the world has no meaning on its own.

And from this stems (well, preceded, really, but, I digress...) the Nietschean notion of creation, or the expression of the Will AS purpose.

Now then, in this context, Doc's words both seem to gain as well as lose some meaning. On the one hand, he is expressing purpose as an intensely personal experience which is extremely difficult or even impossible to relate with which I cannot argue; however, on the other, he seems to making the argument that there is a single purpose to be found with which I would strongly disagree unless he means by this that each must come to this existential realization.

All of this being said, if we are to accept that there is no empirically confirmable "truth" to be found in our world, a 'leap of faith' is a necessary component in order to believe in ANYTHING, scientific, religious, or other. In making such a 'leap', one cannot be defined as "wrong", as any and all things are plausible to a certain extent. I would argue, however, that one WOULD be wrong in making such a leap without extensive contemplation. This is where the opinions of PhD's and those of some depth of understanding come into play. They guide contemplation. In my opinion, the ignorant bible-thumper is WRONG not to question his religion. How can one be considered firm in one's convictions if one has never considered the alternative. After such a contemplation, one's beliefs, whatever they may be, take on a meaning, and thereafter, the virtues expressed by one's belief system may say a great deal about the nature of one's will. The "meaning of one's life" only becomes real through consideration and CHOICE. If the world has no intrinsic meaning, then it is up to the choices that one makes to create a meaning.

This isn't all perfectly clear to me, but I'm working on it ;)

[Doc]

Do I spill my guts and take the risk of getting laughed at and made ridicule of? It's never stopped me before.

Such a daunting task. To ask such a question of such a deep and personal nature. And to expect an answer, simple or otherwise, neatly typed out and presented in a simple forum post. You either not know what you ask or know not the scope of your curiousity.

To understand me is to understand my time. What I grew up in. The times I grew up in. How I grew up. Those are complicated things.

Allow me to start some place. To understand my paradoxial nature, one must first understand that I am a Christian. I am also an Existentialist. Yes, I am fully aware that one should not exist inside the other. I am also a staunch Iconoclast. And yet still a Christian. What a mess you must be thinking. I am a pragmatist. So, I am a practical smasher of idols existing in a hostile universe alone. Existentialists also deny the existence of God and preach the concept of Salvation From Within. Lost yet? I believe strongly in the Bible and yet hold fast to the ideals of existential salvation from within.

I grew up in the sleepy South. During the days of segregation. Jim Crow Laws. Dark times. I was raised in honty tonks, whorehouses, and road houses. My mother was little more then a dime a dance whore. I grew up with folks who called themselves "Christians." Every so often, my mother would cart me off to church cause it was good for me... And on Sunday I would see folks in the church who had been in the whorehouses just the night before. On occasion, I might have even rolled them outside and emptied their pockets for small cash after they had got rip roaring drunk and passed out. I heard about sin this and sin that and how we should love one another and avoid vice and all this other crap. Funny... On more then one occasion it was the preacher himself who had been out on the town just the night before. Love one another? With all the segregation, I didn't see much love. I saw a lot of hate though. One group of so called Christians burning down another group of Christians churches. Bombs. Beatings. All done in the name of the Holy Jesus.

I grew up. I ended up smack in the middle of the Civil Rights Movement. I was one of those who was neither black nor white, and, as such, was often caught between the two. I knew I needed creditentials. So, I went to college. I had strange ideas of how to work at this gigantic problem. But I lacked direction. Life had been pretty bad up to that point, and, was only getting worse. I was filled with hate. Anger. All those things which poison the soul. I was haunted by the things I had seen growing up. Things I will not go into here. Old ghosts would not go away.

Oddly I ended up in Bible college. Was I a Christian? Not at the time. Nope. I just figured I would be like everybody else and use God to further my own ends. I needed clout in my line of work. And having some sort of religious title would really help out. I wont go into all of the things that happened, but, a lot did. I am not going to use this post to convince people to believe in God, but, for those that already do, allow me to say, God spoke. I ignored him. God spoke a little louder. I ignored him. God got my attention. While I had acknowledged Him, I was not ready to make my peace with Him. We disagreed for a long time. I picked apart His Word. Seeing what sort of Christians I had grown up around, I found my self in an unusual position. A skeptic who found himself acknowledging God, yet denying faith. Paradoxial.

So what did I realize? I realized I was more then the sum of my parts. Seems so simple eh? And mayhap it is simple. At the time though, it was what I needed to nudge me in the right direction. It started me on the Journey. The right one this time. It brought me into the light, which is what I needed.

God helps those who help themselves. So often I had heard this. And yet I never once found it in the Bible as people had claimed. Faith? What faith? All I saw around me was religion. Man reaching out to God. I saw corrupt churches. I saw hate. I saw lots of religion. I saw a lot of evil. I saw no faith. But what was faith? I did not know. I have always been a pragmatist, even before I knew what the word was or meant. I turned to that part of me for answers. I found a few. One should always work as though all of the results depended on himself. (Or herself) And yet, one should have faith as if all of the results depended on God. But what of Salvation Within Self? What of the things that Religion has taught us? Religion was wrong. The whole concept stunk. The Bible spoke of Grace and Grace alone. Not baptism, no clutter, no fuss, no kneeling down for hours scraping your self with potshards begging for release. Just Grace. Faith. So... Everything, and I mean everything I had been taught was a lie. All of it. Lies. Not works, not good deeds, not tithing, none of that mattered. Just Grace. Man and God. With nothing in between. I was more then the sum of my parts. Salvation did come from within, not from without.

So I chose the path of the most resistance. I found purpose, direction, and a sense of meaning. I became self aware... Or aware of self. I became aware of purpose. To live. More then exist.

I took a new direction after that. I put my own kind to the torch. Here is where the Iconoclast part comes in. Found out many of the churches where being used to gain new members for a force of hate. Money was being siphoned out to fund this hate. The Churches of the South Were ROTTEN. I became involved in a group and we put many of those churches to the torch. No, no act of arson. I attacked my own kind with no concept of mercy. A lot of churches and church sponsored schools lost their tax exempt status. A lot of pastors went to jail for fraud. I was busy burning down all their idols of worship. I flung rocks at the proverbial stained glass. Families were torn apart, whole communities, lives were ruined. Including my own. I was hated like few are. I had walked through the fire and ruin and had come out from the other side as a different creature.

I don't have the answers. I am still taking the journey. I have no idea where it will lead me. What do I know? I know we must face the very thing that we fear becoming. Or, at least that is how it was for me and so many others. This is still based on the individual, so, I reckon in some cases it could be very different. My existence is defined by who and what I am, which changes as I grow older. Have I become wiser or more foolish? Hopefully both, as there is balance in between.

Oddly enough, one of the first moments of my realization came while fishing. I was standing on two rocks. My toes curled around the wet stones for grip. The water tickled my toes. There were fish passing by below me in a creek. I was naked as the day God made me, standing in the sun, still as a statue holding a bow. Flies were biting my back and shoulders, but they were mere distractions that I ignored. I waited for the right fish, at the right time, waiting for the water to flow in just the right way so that the bright white reflections did not obscure my vision. This is going to sound very corny... But my mind drifted there for a moment and I realized that life was a lot like this. Time and water flowed. Each were a power unto their own. And life it self was a lot like the fish in the creek. They got bounced around and taken where ever the flow might take them. And occasionally, a fisherman might come along and end their existence to sustain his own. I then asked my self something which at the time, was a mind blowing revelation... Where did I fit in? Was I the Fish? Or the Fishermen? Or was I perhaps a force that caused the water to alter it's flow somehow? If I was a fish, I was doomed to face the fisherman some day. That did not apeal to me. If I was the fisherman, I was to dependent on just the right conditions to catch my prey. To much I could not control. Between the water and the fish, I was merely an outside force. Christians were to be fishers of men, or so the saying goes. But I was not content with those choices, I figured the better choice was being some sort of force that affected how the water flowed, thus effecting the fish, the water, and the fishermen. I dismissed it all as nonsense and went about catching my dinner.

I have spent my whole life still trying to figure this out.

[Occhidiangela]

Cannot win. -=John Paul Jones=-

But you already know that. :D

By the way, do you still fish?

[Doc]

Now then, in this context, Doc's words both seem to gain as well as lose some meaning. On the one hand, he is expressing purpose as an intensely personal experience which is extremely difficult or even impossible to relate with which I cannot argue; however, on the other, he seems to making the argument that there is a single purpose to be found with which I would strongly disagree unless he means by this that each must come to this existential realization.

Oooh clever. Somebody figured it out. Very wise or very foolish you must be. I salute you. Oh my, so terribly clever. I am honestly impressed. Makes this whole post worth while if just one person got it. :D

They guide contemplation. In my opinion, the ignorant bible-thumper is WRONG not to question his religion. How can one be considered firm in one's convictions if one has never considered the alternative. After such a contemplation, one's beliefs, whatever they may be, take on a meaning, and thereafter, the virtues expressed by one's belief system may say a great deal about the nature of one's will. The "meaning of one's life" only becomes real through consideration and CHOICE. If the world has no intrinsic meaning, then it is up to the choices that one makes to create a meaning.

Yeah... That's what I was trying to touch on in my above post. Only you said it much better. Thank you.

[Chaerophon]

Truly remarkable. Thus far, a life well-lived, (well-searched...?) from the sounds of it! Thanks so much for sharing, Doc.

[Doc]

By the way, do you still fish?

Occhi, why do you ask such an open ended loaded question? Did you intend to leave it open ended? There are no accidents...

Do I fish with a bow? Sadly no. I have gotten weak from my illness. I like about 70 to 80 pounds of pull on a bow for fishing. Needs oomph to punch through the water and the fish. I can barely pull a 50 pound bow now. I can do it, but, my hands tremble and shake badly, and I can feel my back and shoulder muscles quivering from the strain. Aim still fairly good though inspite of that. I could use a any numbers of the crossbows I have.... But it's not the same. There is something clean and beautiful in the pull and draw of a good bow, the arrow striking the fish, and then pulling in your dinner. Crossbows are good for hunting large game, not for fish. I can't explain it, it's just not the same.

I have a pond on my property. It has fish in it. Was informed recently not to eat the fish. Water supply contaminated. Lousy anal sphincters polluted my water. I fish on occasion. Catch and release. With a fishing pole. Home made. Cane pole. Fishing is very zen. But I ache for the days when I could fish with a bow. Fishing with a pole just seems so, well, passive for a lack of a better word. Anybody can fish with a pole. Fishing with a bow takes skill. It is a game of patience. Skill. Aim. Knowing all of the right conditions, having deadly accurate aim, and knowing your prey is all good, but, you can still miss, and will do so on many occasions. It is more mental then anything else. Having the right arrow and the right line for the right kind of fish. You shoot the fish, but, it aint over. Depending on the fish, you might need to dive in and fight the fish. You reach in, grab the arrow through the fish, and get it ashore. The fish gets a fair fight for his life, and you get yours. There are fish capable of kicking your behind. Those kind taste better. Course, I am a crazy old coot. I have gone catfish grabbing, using my bare hands as bait. Reach down under the riverbank and if your lucky, grab a fatty catty. Or you might get a snapping turtle, a muskrat, or a snake. Catty bites down on your fingers, chews your skin off, you grab him by his lip, get him in a bear hug, and haul his 30 pounds of solid muscle ashore. Free dinner. Lots of people do it. Poor folks used to do it all the time, now it is becoming something of an extreme sport. Bah. I believe strongly in fair is fair concept. If you plan to eat something, you should not be afraid of something getting a bite to eat of you first.

Do I fish for people? All the time. I work in charity now. Shelters, soup kitchens, and various forms of aid. I manage a loaves and fishes trick and do a darn good job at it. Might say I have constructed a good net to catch folks, er, fish.

So yes and no on the fishing question.

[Vandiablo]

Where did I fit in? Was I the Fish? Or the Fishermen? Or was I perhaps a force that caused the water to alter it's flow somehow?

Maybe yer the bow. Or the arrow. Or maybe the arrowhead. Or the string! Or maybe yer the thwackoosh sound made by the arrow on the water. Or maybe yer the OW STOP BITING ME!

Another possibility is that yer one of the flies or mosquitoes. That is probably where most people fit in. (prolly not you tho) They spend their lives feeding off someone bigger than them until one day they get swatted.

As for me, I am the Walrus. Goo goo ga joob.

[garynk87]

WOW, did that ever make me think about the matrix again, i never had made that connection, i jsut liked the guns and stuff, haha thanks for that,

[Occhidiangela]

My buddy the cop, the one who works the family violence division.

He fishes. It brings him peace, and it also now and again brings in redfish that he knows how to cook up something wonderful. But he'd fish if he could never eat one again.

Me, I rarely fish, but I never regret the time spent doing so.

Thanks for the insight, Doc. :) Sorry about the loaded question.

[Doc]

We all have our own Matrix. It's a coping mechanism. It's our repression, our doubt, our denial, our fear, and our heads buried safely in the sand. We have a very fixed way on how we view the world. Hmm... Preconceived notions... Are those the words I want? Might be, but I find them lacking in the depth I want. We grow, and, we are taught, and for most of us, we live in multiple layers of a Matrix. Our parents add all their crap to ours. And we pass it on to our kids. It suffocates some, shelters some, and drives others to madness.

Free thinkers, smart folks, geeks, nerds, enlighned folks, philosophers, what ever you choose to call them, people who flex their thought muscles, are generally disliked. We question and cause the herd to panic. Some get picked on by bullies as children. We are conditioned from day one to fit in or else, and when we don't, our lives are made very uncomfortable. Some of us tumble down the rabbit hole on our own, others fall down after having the way pointed out to them. Others will try to cover the rabbit hole over and erase all traces of it. Why? Who knows... Fear? Loss of some illusion of control? It is very hard to rule or lord over people who are educated and have free minds... Just ask Pol Pot. He had people killed just because they wore glasses and looked smart. And he worried that the ignorant folks might look at these smart looking folks and feel inspired.

What does it mean to be free? If you have power, and fistfulls of money, and everything you could possibly want, but, no sense of self awareness, what is it that you have? Nothing. If you have absolutely nothing, but, have a concept of self, you have a good deal more. Believe me, I know. I came from the very bottom of the barrel of poverty. I fought and clawed for every single thing I have in life, I started with NOTHING but my wits. And I could lose it all and still be ok.

Occhi, you should tell your friend to try bow fishing. Very good therapy that. I believe he might get quite a bit out of it.

[Occhidiangela]

He bow hunts deer, and fishes with a pole. Given his expertise in fishing, I don't give him much advice there, since he is one of the best in the county. :) I imagine he's tried bow fishing, but I am not sure if the intracoastal waterway is the place for that.

[Doc]

But has anybody ever read "The Phantom Tollbooth?"

[Vandiablo]

PT is an excellent book. I can hardly wait for my daughter to grow old enough to appreciate it.