Joke Thread Alert! Joke Thread Alert!

[jahcs]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE:
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> What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
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> The position of the dirt bag.
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> Why is divorce so expensive?
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> Because it's worth it.
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> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
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> Doughnuts.
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> What do you call a smart blonde?
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> A golden retriever.
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> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
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> 45 lbs.
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> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
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> 45 minutes.
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> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
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> Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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> Why do men want to marry virgins?
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> They can't stand criticism.
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> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
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> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving
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> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
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> Mace will do that to you.
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> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
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> Breasts don't have eyes.
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> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
> Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
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> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
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> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
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> A different bar.
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> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
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> A speech impediment.
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> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
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> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
> along with... "a recipe".
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> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
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> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
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> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
> fairytale?
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> A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
> A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this #$%^..."