This Thing You Call Aggro.

[Darian]

If the mage isn't AoEing, the secondary mob doesn't even know the mage exists.

Sure it does, unless it's not tied to the primary mob in any way, and even then if the mage is within the secondary mob's aggro radius he sure does know about him.

It may know the healer exists because of healing the tank, but it's not going to pull to me by healing the mage/rogue.

Seen it happen...

Don't just do the "I'm going to let him die" UNLESS you have cleared it with your healer first.

Thing is, I Do Not Party with healers I don't know. I never even 5-manned with Flyn until I'd gotten used to him in raiding circumstances. To me, the symbiosis between healer and tank is too important to be wasting time with unknown quantities. My worst experiences in this game have had one thing in common: I didn't know the priest.

you're going to aggravate your healer too and whether or not it's your fault, you'll still be blamed for it and tarnish your rep.  And rep does matter in MMOs.
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Nobody's ever taken issue (to my face) with my anger management, and pretty much everyone I group with seems to make a point of asking me to do so again later, so I'm not too worried about my rep... :)