12-07-2004, 12:16 AM
Having worked for an internet helpdesk for a year, I know plenty of horror stories I tried to solve for poor customers (the company even was discussed on TV as being monopolistic and a non-existent customer care program), but I won't go into those. That was a few years back, but I still use the same provider myself (steady connection for 99% of the time).
The fun begins... (a bit of knowledge on the workings of the internet helps understand the story).
Chello (as the ISP is called) got this great order from UPC (megacorp owning cHELLo) to use one standard modem (external cable modem) instead of 3 different types. Having escaped the dance a long time, finally I got a letter a week or two ago that my modem would be picked up last Friday. They requested the customer to unhook it so the (3rd party) delivery guy can take the old modem and hand me a new one (which a user has to install personally). The letter stated it would all be as simple as connecting the new modem, going to a webpage (provisioning (when a new modem connects to the network it gets a 10.x.x.x internal (for the provider) ip address which only allows a user to connect to said webpage)), filling out customer info and you would be ready to go. I know the system, helped plenty of people through it years ago, so I thought "will be done in 5 mins".
And, as the casual reader can expect, it turned out to be a wee bit more than 5 mins.
The first thing that went wrong that was such a pain to me.... No 10. ip...
From my point of view the modem went through it's initialization perfectly (4 leds on it show it's status and all went well). it connected to my PC, so I went upstairs and booted up the PC. I checked the ip address. 0.0.0.0. ouchies. I did a ipconfig /renew... got a shiny 192.168 address (which is bad, as windows generates these when no internet is found (for short)). I reboot both the modem and PC, no luck.
And thus, the moment I dreaded and dread every time I dare consider it, came to pass. I had to call the internet helpdesk. That's right, the internet helpdesk I used to work for a few years ago...
The second thing that went wrong that was such a pain to me... getting a knowledgeable ISP internet helpdesk employee...
The first internet helpdesk employee (note: 'first') drones the megacorp slogan to me. I explain him my problem in perfect detail. I have a new modem, but I cannot get a 10. ip address. I have tried rebooting both the modem and PC, to no luck. I have disconnected my router prior to starting. Finally, I hand him my address and postal code before he can ask for it (the ISP helpdesk's #1 sign that this customer has been through the process about 100 times). I can hear (with some satisfaction) his mouse scroller rolling through the history. I must have made about 50 calls helping other people. Each one probably states 'this guy used to be in your seat for over a year, so he knows what he's talking about and he's not one of the FAKE ex-helpdesk employees'. And yes. it happened. He tried to do the standard procedure on me. "are you sure your modem is properly connected?".
I fall silent a small moment. I reply, in a casual tone.
"have you read my history?"
"yes"
"do you think you can skip the standard procedure and get down to the problem, as I DO know how to set up things at home?"
"mmmkay, no 10.adress... let's see...."
*soft sound of pages flipping over the phone, the sound of the worst sound a customer can encounter... A internet helpdesk trainee's manual...*
"You have to use the modem reading program, I have my MAC address ready"
"umm.. ok... let's see... yes... ok, what's your mac?"
*me reads up mac*
"ah, yes, I see, your request for an ip hasn't been sent back to your modem yet, you should wait for half an hour and if by then you don't have a connection, reset the modem again."
I was stunned. utterly stunned. not only was the 'support' he gave me nothing more than a cheap excuse to get rid of me, the advice he gave me would not help at all. Worst of all, the things he said were impossible. getting an IP request handled by the modem DHCP server equivalent takes place IMMEDIATELY on connection and takes less than a second. This guy was giving me bogus. And I knew it. and that's something a internet helpdesk employee trainee rarely encounters; a customer who knows you are giving him nonesense...
So I reply calmly.
"I'm sorry, I'm sure you are mistaking, the modem should immediately get a response. if the response hasn't been sent, but the request received, something went wrong on the server." (and there are numerous scenario's, most solved by a simple flush)
"I'm sorry sir, but what's I'm saying is true, you will have to wait for 30 minutes."
*senseless bla bla*
After 5 minutes, I give up on the guy. I request to him that he reenters me into the waiting queue so I can get another employee on the line. he declines and finally hangs up repeatedly stating he can't help me.
*scribbles down employee's name*
*dials internet helpdesk again*
The third thing that went wrong that was such a pain to me.... 15 minutes of waiting, waiting and boredom...
The second helpdesk employee sounded like a total nerd. This is good, mind, as these people can actually help you with even the most complex problems while they play various internet games on the 2 pc's in front of them, spontaneously. I envied them back in my glory days as internet helpdesk employee.
Needless to say, he got things fixed on the server, he did the flush and I was presented with my much needed 10. ip address in moments. Foreseeing no more problems, I was done with this nice fellow in 1 minute 34 seconds, short discussion about trainee included) (I happened to have looked at the times on my phone, which counts minutes and seconds you are calling). Happily, I reboot and proceed to the provisioning page..
The fourth thing that went wrong that was such a pain to me.... No 10. ip...
sound familiar? well, it is, I was puzzled. the flush should have resolved this, why would things go wrong after a reboot?
and thus, I call. 18 minutes of waiting (apparently, 121.000 customers were disconnected from the internet due to a major malfunction somewhere in Amsterdam). I got another employee. I explain the problem, he looks at the logs, and goes off to the senior agents at my request. (there's always a senior agent on duty. senior agents don't handle calls directly, instead, the monitor the network and help with the most complex of issues. I was lucky, the senior agent on duty was one I knew from the old days and was happy to make an exception for me and transferred the call to his telephone. whilst merrily chatting about how UPC had managed to screw the internet helpdesk even more with oppressive and useless forms, he managed to isolate the problem. My old modem had not been purged, therefore, my address was still linked to it, causing some strange interference with provisioning. As the modem would have to be purged by a different department, I dreaded another long trip of calls to the sales department (which has 100x the number of employees and still has an average IQ of 50 or so). Thankfully, the senior agent offered a shortcut by internally forwarding me to the supervisor on the Sales department floor. From there, things went fast, and I was able to connect.
End result:
2 hours 15 minutes on the phone.
135 minutes a 0.10 cents/min = 13.50 euros for what should have been a free replacement.
1 email to internet helpdesk supervisor complaining but one trainee (smart of me to keep those old addresses stored, complaints department is known for it's paper shredder approach to most problems (literally, this even went on TV))
one very tired me.
Yet I consider myself lucky. why? because an average customer (the average customer knows nothing about internet settings) would spend days, if not weeks, trying to have this problem resolved.
The fun begins... (a bit of knowledge on the workings of the internet helps understand the story).
Chello (as the ISP is called) got this great order from UPC (megacorp owning cHELLo) to use one standard modem (external cable modem) instead of 3 different types. Having escaped the dance a long time, finally I got a letter a week or two ago that my modem would be picked up last Friday. They requested the customer to unhook it so the (3rd party) delivery guy can take the old modem and hand me a new one (which a user has to install personally). The letter stated it would all be as simple as connecting the new modem, going to a webpage (provisioning (when a new modem connects to the network it gets a 10.x.x.x internal (for the provider) ip address which only allows a user to connect to said webpage)), filling out customer info and you would be ready to go. I know the system, helped plenty of people through it years ago, so I thought "will be done in 5 mins".
And, as the casual reader can expect, it turned out to be a wee bit more than 5 mins.
The first thing that went wrong that was such a pain to me.... No 10. ip...
From my point of view the modem went through it's initialization perfectly (4 leds on it show it's status and all went well). it connected to my PC, so I went upstairs and booted up the PC. I checked the ip address. 0.0.0.0. ouchies. I did a ipconfig /renew... got a shiny 192.168 address (which is bad, as windows generates these when no internet is found (for short)). I reboot both the modem and PC, no luck.
And thus, the moment I dreaded and dread every time I dare consider it, came to pass. I had to call the internet helpdesk. That's right, the internet helpdesk I used to work for a few years ago...
The second thing that went wrong that was such a pain to me... getting a knowledgeable ISP internet helpdesk employee...
The first internet helpdesk employee (note: 'first') drones the megacorp slogan to me. I explain him my problem in perfect detail. I have a new modem, but I cannot get a 10. ip address. I have tried rebooting both the modem and PC, to no luck. I have disconnected my router prior to starting. Finally, I hand him my address and postal code before he can ask for it (the ISP helpdesk's #1 sign that this customer has been through the process about 100 times). I can hear (with some satisfaction) his mouse scroller rolling through the history. I must have made about 50 calls helping other people. Each one probably states 'this guy used to be in your seat for over a year, so he knows what he's talking about and he's not one of the FAKE ex-helpdesk employees'. And yes. it happened. He tried to do the standard procedure on me. "are you sure your modem is properly connected?".
I fall silent a small moment. I reply, in a casual tone.
"have you read my history?"
"yes"
"do you think you can skip the standard procedure and get down to the problem, as I DO know how to set up things at home?"
"mmmkay, no 10.adress... let's see...."
*soft sound of pages flipping over the phone, the sound of the worst sound a customer can encounter... A internet helpdesk trainee's manual...*
"You have to use the modem reading program, I have my MAC address ready"
"umm.. ok... let's see... yes... ok, what's your mac?"
*me reads up mac*
"ah, yes, I see, your request for an ip hasn't been sent back to your modem yet, you should wait for half an hour and if by then you don't have a connection, reset the modem again."
I was stunned. utterly stunned. not only was the 'support' he gave me nothing more than a cheap excuse to get rid of me, the advice he gave me would not help at all. Worst of all, the things he said were impossible. getting an IP request handled by the modem DHCP server equivalent takes place IMMEDIATELY on connection and takes less than a second. This guy was giving me bogus. And I knew it. and that's something a internet helpdesk employee trainee rarely encounters; a customer who knows you are giving him nonesense...
So I reply calmly.
"I'm sorry, I'm sure you are mistaking, the modem should immediately get a response. if the response hasn't been sent, but the request received, something went wrong on the server." (and there are numerous scenario's, most solved by a simple flush)
"I'm sorry sir, but what's I'm saying is true, you will have to wait for 30 minutes."
*senseless bla bla*
After 5 minutes, I give up on the guy. I request to him that he reenters me into the waiting queue so I can get another employee on the line. he declines and finally hangs up repeatedly stating he can't help me.
*scribbles down employee's name*
*dials internet helpdesk again*
The third thing that went wrong that was such a pain to me.... 15 minutes of waiting, waiting and boredom...
The second helpdesk employee sounded like a total nerd. This is good, mind, as these people can actually help you with even the most complex problems while they play various internet games on the 2 pc's in front of them, spontaneously. I envied them back in my glory days as internet helpdesk employee.
Needless to say, he got things fixed on the server, he did the flush and I was presented with my much needed 10. ip address in moments. Foreseeing no more problems, I was done with this nice fellow in 1 minute 34 seconds, short discussion about trainee included) (I happened to have looked at the times on my phone, which counts minutes and seconds you are calling). Happily, I reboot and proceed to the provisioning page..
The fourth thing that went wrong that was such a pain to me.... No 10. ip...
sound familiar? well, it is, I was puzzled. the flush should have resolved this, why would things go wrong after a reboot?
and thus, I call. 18 minutes of waiting (apparently, 121.000 customers were disconnected from the internet due to a major malfunction somewhere in Amsterdam). I got another employee. I explain the problem, he looks at the logs, and goes off to the senior agents at my request. (there's always a senior agent on duty. senior agents don't handle calls directly, instead, the monitor the network and help with the most complex of issues. I was lucky, the senior agent on duty was one I knew from the old days and was happy to make an exception for me and transferred the call to his telephone. whilst merrily chatting about how UPC had managed to screw the internet helpdesk even more with oppressive and useless forms, he managed to isolate the problem. My old modem had not been purged, therefore, my address was still linked to it, causing some strange interference with provisioning. As the modem would have to be purged by a different department, I dreaded another long trip of calls to the sales department (which has 100x the number of employees and still has an average IQ of 50 or so). Thankfully, the senior agent offered a shortcut by internally forwarding me to the supervisor on the Sales department floor. From there, things went fast, and I was able to connect.
End result:
2 hours 15 minutes on the phone.
135 minutes a 0.10 cents/min = 13.50 euros for what should have been a free replacement.
1 email to internet helpdesk supervisor complaining but one trainee (smart of me to keep those old addresses stored, complaints department is known for it's paper shredder approach to most problems (literally, this even went on TV))
one very tired me.
Yet I consider myself lucky. why? because an average customer (the average customer knows nothing about internet settings) would spend days, if not weeks, trying to have this problem resolved.
Former www.diablo2.com webmaster.
When in deadly danger,
When beset by doubt,
Run in little circles,
Wave your arms and shout.
When in deadly danger,
When beset by doubt,
Run in little circles,
Wave your arms and shout.