The Open: Open is NOT for cheaters!

[Occhidiangela]

In honor of The Open (called by some The Britsh Open) I would like to offer the positive thought that at least one Open venue is an anti-cheat arena. Golf > bnet!

I was pleased as punch to read in the paper this morning, after having watched Greg Norman's last 5 holes yesterday before I went to work, that he was under par and on the leader board with Davis Love III. Go get 'em Shark!!!!!!!!

Here are a few golf jokes, most of them old chestnuts, for your pleasure. The top 10 was passed to me by a fellow "Dogged Victim of Inexorable Fate"

*TOP 10 - BEST GOLF CADDIE REMARKS*

#10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

#9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

#8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

#7 Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

#6 Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

#5 Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time.  It's too
much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

#4 Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

#3 Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

#2 Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

and the #1 best caddy comment:

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

A few others not in the top ten:

Caddy one: "Your player's handicap."
Caddy two: "Four"
Caddy one: "Four? Must be an off day, Angus, he's hitting like a twenty-four or a thirty!
Caddy two: "Sorry, I misheard you, Caleb. His four handicaps are his stance, his grip, his backswing, and his follow through. Besides that, he gawffs passably well!"

Player: What do you think of my golf swing, Andrew?
Caddy: Oh, so that's what your calling what you just did to that seven iron?

Player: Do you think I can carry that bunker with this six iron?
Caddy: I'd say you are full, sir, since you've got half of the last two bunkers in your shoes.

Player: Which way does this putt break, Angus?
Caddy: I'd say that's a bit of a lottery, sir.

Player: I'm only two holes down with three to play, I think I'll press.
Caddy: Could you pay me now please, sir? I take cash, not IOU's.

Player: Isn't the pin in the back of the green? I want a seven iron, not an eight iron.
Caddy: It's in the back, sir, shall I head to the back bunker now, or would you rather hit the club I first gave you?

Player: FORE!
Caddy: He can't hear you, sir, we are into the wind, and you can't reach him anyway.

Player: Why have I played so badly today.
Caddy: Why, sir, 'tis your violation of the Three Sacred Rules of Gawff.
Player: What would those be, Andrew?
Caddy: Well, sir, Rule Number One is to Keep your Head down. Rule Number Two is to Remember to Keep Your Head Down. And rule number three is I Told You to Keep Your Tom Fool Head Down!
Player: I wish it really was that simple
Caddy: Indeed, sir, don't we all.