Posts: 1,063
Threads: 48
Joined: Feb 2003
Lady Vashj,May 4 2005, 03:02 PM Wrote:I wish this weird lady who claims I ruined her life by fixing her up with my ex would go away...(of course, the ex has to stay gone too.)
[right][snapback]76302[/snapback][/right]
I wish I had been the first to reply to this wish.
Your wish is granted! The weird lady who's dating your ex dies. Your ex begins dating someone else, and they both become incredibly famous. She publicly credits her success to meeting him, and pictures of the two making out in public are on the front cover of every checkstand "celebrity" magazine. You're not sure if you're jealous or horrified, but you do know that you can never go to the grocery store again.
Just when you think things couldn't get any worse, he publishes his memoirs. You're not mentioned in them at all, but he does include some of your deepest, darkest secrets and traumatic childhood memories. The thing is, he claims that they're *his* memories, which means that people discuss them, in detail, everywhere you go. You can't set the record straight, because you really don't want to admit that any of those things actually happened to you.
You decide to stay in your house, and avoid the TV, telephone, and radio. You burn the mail when it arrives, in case there's something about him in it. You don't connect to the internet anymore, so you mostly spend your time playing minesweeper and free cell, at least until the power gets shut off.
You wish for your old life, when your ex wasn't famous and wouldn't leave you alone.
Why can't we all just get along
--Pete
Posts: 10
Threads: 2
Joined: Apr 2005
Griselda,May 5 2005, 01:16 AM Wrote:I wish I had been the first to reply to this wish.
Granted.
You can not kill that which is already dead. At least not easily.
Posts: 1,063
Threads: 48
Joined: Feb 2003
foksieLoY,May 4 2005, 04:55 PM Wrote:Granted.
[right][snapback]76315[/snapback][/right]
Now that's service! I changed time! :P
You have a purple orange. When you eat it, you break out in permanent purple polka-dots.
I wish that there were pink elephants on parade.
Why can't we all just get along
--Pete
Posts: 30
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2004
05-05-2005, 12:13 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-05-2005, 12:17 AM by pazuzu.)
edit, stupid browser and stupid me.
Griselda,May 5 2005, 12:05 AM Wrote:Now that's service! I changed time! :P
You have a purple orange. When you eat it, you break out in permanent purple polka-dots.
I wish that there were pink elephants on parade.
[right][snapback]76316[/snapback][/right] Granted, the pink elephants of course blames you for being pink and tramples you to death.
I wish the cuts on my hand would heal before tomorrow.
Posts: 1,034
Threads: 42
Joined: May 2004
pazuzu,May 4 2005, 06:13 PM Wrote:edit, stupid browser and stupid me.
Granted, the pink elephants of course blames you for being pink and tramples you to death.
I wish the cuts on my hand would heal before tomorrow.
[right][snapback]76317[/snapback][/right]
Granted. You use MagicFormula™ healer andthey heal right up. A day after that, you get mysterious purple and green bumps on your face, abdomen, and groin areas as a side effect of the MagicFormula™ healer.
I wish I'd inherited a million dollars.
I may be dead, but I'm not old (source: see lavcat)
The gloves come off, I'm playing hardball. It's fourth and 15 and you're looking at a full-court press. (Frank Drebin in The Naked Gun)
Some people in forums do the next best thing to listening to themselves talk, writing and reading what they write (source, my brother)
Posts: 292
Threads: 4
Joined: Feb 2003
Minionman,May 4 2005, 07:30 PM Wrote:I wish I'd inherited a million dollars.
[right][snapback]76319[/snapback][/right]
I"m sorry to report that you've inherited a million dollars as a result of the passing of your dear aunt May. However, you are left to spend your life repeatedly learning the lesson that with great amounts money come great amounts of jerks wanting their piece of the pie. A few weeks after being notified that you were the recipient of this sum, you receive further notification that your aunt May's estranged daughter has arrived to contest the terms of the will. The sum gets held up in probate while actions are filed and eventually you spend enough on lawyers fees to render the sum of $1M insufficient to return you to solvency. Good luck in staving off the collection agencies: lawyers can be viscious (I know, my wife just got a job as a lawyer).
I wish I was able to decode the cryptic emails my boss sends so I don't end up duplicating effort (like I staid up all night last night to do). What a way ta' run a railroad.
ah bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bob
dyah ah dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dth
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Posts: 30
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2004
Jeunemaitre,May 5 2005, 03:27 PM Wrote:I wish I was able to decode the cryptic emails my boss sends so I don't end up duplicating effort (like I staid up all night last night to do). What a way ta' run a railroad.
[right][snapback]76350[/snapback][/right] Granted. Unfortunately, it seems the cryptic mails are your boss' way of telling you you're fired...
I wish girls my age that I find sexy would have sex with me in a normal fashion way. ('Bout time someone made the geek wish).
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
pazuzu,May 5 2005, 10:02 AM Wrote:Granted. Unfortunately, it seems the cryptic mails are your boss' way of telling you you're fired...
I wish girls my age that I find sexy would have sex with me in a normal fashion way. ('Bout time someone made the geek wish).
[right][snapback]76352[/snapback][/right]
Granted. You now have genital warts and the Clap, and the email you are about to open is from a girl who is pregnant and thinks it was you . . . she's not sure.
I wish my idea, circa 1988, for a Kevlar™ condom had been a viable commercial proposition, complete with a patent and royalty checks.
Occhi
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 857
Threads: 12
Joined: Feb 2003
Occhidiangela,May 5 2005, 08:36 AM Wrote:Granted. You now have genital warts and the Clap, and the email you are about to open is from a girl who is pregnant and thinks it was you . . . she's not sure.
I wish my idea, circa 1988, for a Kevlar™ condom had been a viable commercial proposition, complete with a patent and royalty checks.
Occhi
[right][snapback]76358[/snapback][/right]
Granted! Kevlar condoms become the industry standard. You are then sued by hundreds of women who say your condoms are the reason why they got pregnant. You counter with the assertion that having sex is why they got pregnant. The jury finds you insensitive to the needs of women and renders a guilty verdict on all counts and orders you to pay legal fees, damages, pain and suffering, and child support.
I wish radical muslims would just stop blowing things up.
The Bill of No Rights
The United States has become a place where entertainers and professional athletes are mistaken for people of importance. Robert A. Heinlein
Posts: 30
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2004
jahcs,May 5 2005, 07:13 PM Wrote:I wish radical muslims would just stop blowing things up.
[right][snapback]76366[/snapback][/right] Radical muslims now stop blowing things up. Unfortunately this unexpectedly created increased support of their ideas, leading to mass recruiting and a 3rd world war.
I wish for one more wish without the negative side-effects of making said wish :P
Posts: 1,034
Threads: 42
Joined: May 2004
pazuzu,May 5 2005, 04:42 PM Wrote:Radical muslims now stop blowing things up. Unfortunately this unexpectedly created increased support of their ideas, leading to mass recruiting and a 3rd world war.
I wish for one more wish without the negative side-effects of making said wish :P
[right][snapback]76384[/snapback][/right]
Granted. totally unrelated to your wish, you either get fired, get expelled, or something similar. Just to stress, it's nothing related to your wish in any way shape or form, just complete, pure coincidence.
I wish every day was between 60 and 70 fahrenheit.
I may be dead, but I'm not old (source: see lavcat)
The gloves come off, I'm playing hardball. It's fourth and 15 and you're looking at a full-court press. (Frank Drebin in The Naked Gun)
Some people in forums do the next best thing to listening to themselves talk, writing and reading what they write (source, my brother)
Posts: 36
Threads: 1
Joined: Jun 2003
Granted; every day is between 60 and 70 degrees fahrenhiet. But the nights are twenty below, and you're now homeless.
I wish I could pass my exam tomorrow.
Posts: 1,063
Threads: 48
Joined: Feb 2003
Butch27,May 5 2005, 07:47 PM Wrote:I wish I could pass my exam tomorrow.
[right][snapback]76413[/snapback][/right]
You could pass your exam if it was held tomorrow. Unfortunately, your exam was last week. Where were you?
I wish my desk was clean.
Why can't we all just get along
--Pete
Posts: 30
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2004
Meh, that's nearly cheating Minionman. You should have used the loophole in my wish :)
Griselda,May 6 2005, 04:55 AM Wrote:I wish my desk was clean.
[right][snapback]76422[/snapback][/right] Granted. Your desk is now clean. Unfortunately it contained the sole winning ticket for this weeks lottery, and you now have no idea where it is.
Posts: 1,034
Threads: 42
Joined: May 2004
pazuzu,May 6 2005, 02:28 AM Wrote:Meh, that's nearly cheating Minionman. You should have used the loophole in my wish :)
Granted. Your desk is now clean. Unfortunately it contained the sole winning ticket for this weeks lottery, and you now have no idea where it is.
[right][snapback]76425[/snapback][/right]
Granted, I use the loophole in your wish. now, in addition to the totally unrelated explusion/firing, your next wish will accidentally be for a big pile of dung to sit in your bedroom. The wish is granted word for word.
I wish I had chloroplasts in my skin that woorked.
I may be dead, but I'm not old (source: see lavcat)
The gloves come off, I'm playing hardball. It's fourth and 15 and you're looking at a full-court press. (Frank Drebin in The Naked Gun)
Some people in forums do the next best thing to listening to themselves talk, writing and reading what they write (source, my brother)
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
05-06-2005, 01:39 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-06-2005, 01:47 PM by Occhidiangela.)
Minionman,May 6 2005, 07:10 AM Wrote:I wish I had chloroplasts in my skin that woorked.
[right][snapback]76432[/snapback][/right]
You now have chloroplasts in your skin that work, however, due to increased UV radiation, they now glow with a vibrant, bright neon green color, leading most people who encounter you to believe that you are an alien from outer space. National Enquirer investigative reporters will not let you alone, and you are unable to sleep. You go slowly insane.
I wish that anyone being counted on to tell the truth would attract strong electric shocks to their underarms whenever they utter a deliberate falsehood.
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 1,034
Threads: 42
Joined: May 2004
Occhidiangela,May 6 2005, 07:39 AM Wrote:I wish that anyone being counted on to tell the truth would attract strong electric shocks to their underarms whenever they utter a deliberate falsehood.
[right][snapback]76435[/snapback][/right]
Granted. Now everyone lies more to not be expected to tell the truth and have the armpit things stuck on.
I wish I didn't get slightly nutty when sick.
I may be dead, but I'm not old (source: see lavcat)
The gloves come off, I'm playing hardball. It's fourth and 15 and you're looking at a full-court press. (Frank Drebin in The Naked Gun)
Some people in forums do the next best thing to listening to themselves talk, writing and reading what they write (source, my brother)
Posts: 184
Threads: 19
Joined: Mar 2005
Minionman,May 6 2005, 06:05 AM Wrote:I wish I didn't get slightly nutty when sick.
[right][snapback]76440[/snapback][/right]
Granted. You now get REALLY nutty when sick, and are only slightly nutty when not sick.
I wish I had a hammer, so I could hammer in the morning (and the evening!) all over this land!
Posts: 475
Threads: 16
Joined: Jan 2004
Gurnsey,May 6 2005, 10:35 AM Wrote:Granted. You now get REALLY nutty when sick, and are only slightly nutty when not sick.
I wish I had a hammer, so I could hammer in the morning (and the evening!) all over this land!
[right][snapback]76444[/snapback][/right] Granted. Here, I found this old toy toolbox that I've had since I was three or so...(hands Gurnsey cheesy yellow plastic hammer).
I wish I had realized sooner that Test 5 was not the final exam... :ph34r:
Posts: 30
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2004
Lady Vashj,May 6 2005, 03:28 PM Wrote:I wish I had realized sooner that Test 5 was not the final exam... :ph34r:
[right][snapback]76450[/snapback][/right] Granted. You realized it sooner. However you have yet to realize what is the final exam...
I wish I could type faster with just my left hand, because this is taking forever!
|
![[Image: gurnseyheader6lk.jpg]](http://img27.exs.cx/img27/3682/gurnseyheader6lk.jpg)
![[Image: cobalt-60.jpg]](http://www.danasoft.com/sig/cobalt-60.jpg)