Stupid customer stories.

[DeeBye]

I'm sure that I'm not the only Lurker here that deals with idiotic customers on a day-to-day basis. I figured that we can all share our experiences so we can all laugh and experience retail catharsis.

Now, I'm not saying that all customers are idiots. That's far from the truth. 99% of my customers are awesome. It's the 1% that always sticks in my head and makes me go WTF?!?

Here's my first story:
Warning, chatlog! I don't know how else to tell this story. This chatlog is not entirely verbatim, but it's as close as I can remember it.

Customer: I'd like to buy a CD that I can save stuff to.
DeeBye: Okay, we keep our recordable CDs over here.
Customer: No, I don't want those. I just need a plain blank CD so I can save stuff to it.
DeeBye: These are blank CDs. The CD-Rs are recordable ones, and the CD-RWs are rewritable ones.
Customer: NONO! I can't use those. I just need a plain blank CD.
DeeBye: :huh:
DeeBye: Do you have a CD burner?
Customer: No, I just have a CD drive.
DeeBye: (trying to be absolutely clear about this) You want to save stuff to a CD, but you don't have a CD burner?
Customer: Right. My buddy is a computer expert and he says I can buy blank CDs so I can save stuff to them using my CD drive. I just want to buy the blank CDs.
DeeBye: I ....
Customer: YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS! I'LL NEVER SHOP HERE AGAIN!

Story #2:
Our store was running a promotion in which if you applied for a store credit card you could receive 10% off of any purchase. A customer wanted to buy a DVD recorder and he wanted 10% off. I said, "Sure, no problem. I'll just need you to fill out this store credit card application form." He told me he already had a store credit card (thus, ineligible to receive the 10% discount). He asked me if his wife could apply for the credit card and receive the super-huge 10% discount. That was okay by me, but there was a distinct lack of female by his side. He said he'd take the application form and have his wife fill it out and return it very soon. I gave him the application form.

He asked me if he could borrow my pen. Then he proceeded to fill out the credit application in his wife's name right in front of me. He signed it with (what I assume was) his wife's name and gave it back to me. I stood there the whole time dumbfounded. I don't think he realised what he had just done.

I would have willingly gave him a 10% discount if he had been a nice guy, but by filling out a fraudulent credit application right in front of me he lost all hope. He stole my pen too. Bastard.

[ZatarRufus]

Many years ago my father sold carpet for a large department store. They had samples of the different carpets which were approximately 18 x 24 inches. When a line of carpet was discontinued, the samples were sold for ten cents each. Dad would play a game with customers who inquired about the price. (Those who were apparently unable to read the sign.) He'd tell them they were ten cents each or two for a quarter. The majority of these people would go for the second option.

[Tal]

Hokay. I'll contribute to this worthy enterprise. Little background. I am the webmaster for my local library system. I also am what they call a Librarian-in-Charge and must spend about 25% of my time working the reference desk and being in charge of the building. Now to my colleagues a LIC with a technological background = go to guy. If ANYTHING breaks computer wise I can guarantee that someone will be knocking on my cubicle door before they fill out a tech support form. I've given up on trying to explain that I am not Tech Support, that maintaining two webpages and running Virtual Reference does not qualify me to swap out a mouse pad much less fixing a computer that won't boot. Now adays I just go over to the computer, frown at it thoughtfully and advise them that its beyond my skills. They're gonna have to bother Tech Support for it. They thank me and I go back to working on whatever web project I was working on. So it should come to no surprise to me that they come to me when someone is having trouble connecting to our wireless public network.

We provide a wireless network to folks but we also state that there are no staff available to help someone connect to it. It is actually surprisingly easy to connect to as in most cases all one has to do is turn on their wireless device to find the network. This is also useful information to know for the following scenario:

I'm working the Reference desk last saturday when a staff member asks me to give one or our customers a hand with the wireless connection. Unfortunately my colleague asked this in front of the customer so I'm stuck with dealing with her instead of having the staff member tell her their is no tech support available. I give my colleague a good long glare and go over to the customer. I start off trying to tell her that we can't provide tech support when she interrupts me stating:

C: I can't get the wire to plug into the wall so I can connect to the wireless network.
Me: Ummmm wire? You mean the power cord?
C: No, I have a laptop with the battery. I need to plug in the wire so I can get on the wireless.
Me: You need a wire plugged in to connect to the wireless? (Witty bastidge ain't I?)
C: Yes
Me: I have to see this.

So she leads me over to the quiet study room and sure enough there is a laptop on the table and a funky looking Cat-5 cable connected to it.

Me: Oooooh. You need a cable like that to connect to our regular network. Let me take you to the room where that is. So we wander down there, plug in the cord and I show her how to connect to the wired network. No go. I do a couple of reboots and cannot find the network. While I'm poking and prodding at things she decides to call her "Tech guy" at home...on the weekend. Which I'm sure he was thrilled about. She pages him and I start looking at the cord and I realize why it looks so funky. It has only some of the wires, with the rest stripped out. I start to say something about it when the phone rings. She answers it and the conversation goes something like this:

C: Yes Kenny (call Ken anyone?) - I'm at the liberry and I'm trying to connect to their wireless. The young man who works here has the cord plugged into the floor but its not connecting.
<pause>
C: Yes he's here.
<Customer turns to me>
C: He wants to talk to you. He says its too technical to go through me.

Me: Hello?
Ken: Hi. This is Kenny. Listen the lady you're dealing with is completely clueless about technology.
Me: Yeah...I'd sorta picked up on that.
Ken: Yeah. So anyway. Her department used to do all their work via modem until recently when we fitted them with a wireless card because most of the places they go have Wireless access. But she doesn't understand about how wireless works. So we made her a placebo cord.
Me: I see it.
Ken: Just tell her you're one of the places that uses the power cord and have her click on the Network icon "Magic Box". She was supposed to do that if the first icon "Wireless services" didn't work. They both do the same thing but its important to her to have some kind of cord.
Me: Okay...
Ken: Thanks buddy. Sorry about the trouble.
Me: No problem (feeling faint)

We exchange good byes and I get her set up to the "Magic Box" network. O.o

[[wcip]Angel]

Tal! That was ... priceless! Tears are streaming down my face, I'm laughing so hard!
:lol:

[jahcs]

He stole my pen too.&nbsp; Bastard.
[right][snapback]68439[/snapback][/right]

Happens all the time. I've had 1 customer just about threaten physical violence when I asked for my pen back. He insisted it was his, he brought it in here, and he had been using it for weeks. I then asked him why my initials were scratched into the barrel of the pen. :shuriken:

[jahcs]

It's a conspiracy Tal! Great story. I'll have to pass that one to my coworkers, with due credit of course.

[Mirajj]

Have any of you ever heard of a website called Customers Suck? I used to go there a lot, but since I no longer work in retail, things have slacked off there for me a bit. If you are interested in retail venting (and both your stories would fit right in there) check out http://www.customerssuck.com

[Alram]

1. Years ago I worked my way through college in a pharmacy. We got a call one night from a woman who was complaining that the suppositories we sold her were causing pain. The pharmacist was puzzled and explained to her that there was absolutely nothing in the ingredients which could have even a remote chance of being painful. Finally he figured it out after speaking with her a bit more,


She didn't take the foil off.



2. This next story is the reverse; it describes a situation in which the librarian was if not obtuse, at least unable to think outside a bureaucratic box.

I went into our main branch one day to use the internet. The librarian told me that the only terminal currently available was unfiltered. I said that didn't matter to me; I only needed to check something quickly online.

Now to put what happened next into context and properly understand what makes this story fun, you need to know that I am 56 years old. My hair is gray. My age is obvious when you look at me. The librarian then asked me for ID. I showed her my library card, thinking that was what she wanted.
She said, "No. I need something with your age on it,"
"Why is that?"
"You need to be over 21 to use an unfiltered terminal."
"Look at me. Can't you see that it has been a long time since I was 21?"
"I'm sorry, sir. We are required to check ID for anyone who uses an unfiltered terminal."

The librarian then asked me for

[ShadowHM]

Have any of you ever heard of a website called Customers Suck? http://www.customerssuck.com[/url]
[right][snapback]68461[/snapback][/right]

Never heard of it before, but I just squandered a quarter-hour reading the story of Vinegar Boy. :blush:

Thanks, Mirajj. As the ads for the Comedy Network go: Time well wasted. :P

[Mirajj]

Never heard of it before, but I just squandered a quarter-hour reading the story of Vinegar Boy.&nbsp; :blush:

Thanks, Mirajj.&nbsp; As the ads for the Comedy Network go:&nbsp; Time well wasted.&nbsp; :P
[right][snapback]68468[/snapback][/right]

Anytime. It's a site that got me through many an hour of retail thinking "This'll make a great story for CS". Vinegar Boy...That's gold classic right there. The first time I read it (I was reading it as it unfolded, so it took longer. ;) ) I was wondering "Are these people really this stupid?" It turns out that yes, they are. *L* Glad you enjoy the site!

[whyBish]

It's mandatory ovre here to ask for ID when purchasing liquor. It's mostly to help out checkout assistants, as applying it consistently means they don't need to think :P

[LochnarITB]

have her click on the Network icon "Magic Box"
[right][snapback]68451[/snapback][/right]

Thanks, Tal, for a real LOLWTRDMF moment. The more I thought about it the funnier it got. I could have used that so many times, both with family and when working in IT. That has now been filed away in my bag-o-tricks.

[Count Duckula]

We've got several library stories from the electronic angle, so I'll add a few low-tech stories to the collection.

I'm a library page. I do the gruntwork: loading carts, sorting carts, and shelving books. Since I'm one of the brighter crayons in the box, I often sub for people since I can shelve any collection in the place or run search lists.

It's also written into my job description that I can't talk to the public--I'm supposed to direct any and all questions to the reference desk on each floor. This runs the gamut from "where can I find this book?" to "where are the bathrooms?".

This job has also taught me how to hate people.

me: *pulls reserved books off the shelf and places them on a cart labeled "RESERVES--PLEASE DO NOT CHECK OUT"*
patron: *browses the cart*
me: "Um, ma'am, this is a hold cart, these books aren't for checkout."
patron: "I know, I'm just browsing."
patron: *picks a book off the cart and adds it to her stack*
me: "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I've gotta ask for that book back. See, it's waitlisted for another patron--"
patron: "Oh, but I'm on the waiting list." *takes book and walks away*
--LATER--
me: *checks in full cart of reserves at the front desk and puts them on the hold shelves*
desk assistant: "There was a patron down here earlier who said that she could take a book off the reserve cart. You know you're not supposed to let patrons do that."
me: "But she took the book even though I told her not to!"
desk assistant: "You said she was waitlisted for it and could have it."
me: *headdesk*

Then there's also the fun and joy of obvious questions:

me: *shelving magazines in the flip rack*
patron: "Hey, are those for checkout?"
me: *points to the red binder magazines* "These can't be checked out, but these--"*points to stack beneath binder*"--can be checked out."
patron: "Oh, okay."
patron: *seconds later* "What about these ones in the red folders?"

And there's the quintessential query: "I'm looking for a book." For the love of God, say "I'm looking for a particular book", because if you don't, I might just say...

..."Aren't we all?"
..."Sorry, this is a delicatessen. The library's down the street."
..."Really? The last seven people who talked to me were looking for books too!"
..."Here you go." *hands patron a random book*
...*southern accent* "I'm looking for beer and porn and I ain't been finding what I'm lookin' fer either."

[Doc]

*southern accent* "I'm looking for beer and porn and I ain't been finding what I'm lookin' fer either."
[right][snapback]68498[/snapback][/right]

SNORK!

Oh my, that's just to funny. Wrong... In a bad way, but damn funny.

And as a small correction, down here, all porn is called Playboy. Just like all soda and pop is called Coke. It don't matter if it's Hustler, or internet porn, or a magazine called ASS! It's all called Playboy down in these parts. You must remember, these people are DUMB as a sack of doorknobs.

What makes it funny is the local library actually carries Playboy... People check them out just for the articles.

**Still chortling**

[jahcs]

What makes it funny is the local library actually carries Playboy... People check them out just for the articles.
[right][snapback]68504[/snapback][/right]

I thought people read that for the jokes?

[Count Duckula]

What makes it funny is the local library actually carries Playboy... People check them out just for the articles.
[right][snapback]68504[/snapback][/right]

I think the branch manager would pass a kumquat if we started shelving Playboy.

(Beer and porn stems from the in-joke "I spent my reward on ale and whores" and it tickles the pages to no end. We're a motley crew of high school and college kids, plus the occasional day-work mother. Juvenile humor keeps us happy.)

[DeeBye]

I had a customer buy something and he gave me two twenty dollar bills as payment. I gave him his change and he left. A few minutes later he reappeared, and yelled at me that I shortchanged him by $10. He wanted his $10 back RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT!

Since the original transaction only occured a few minutes prior, I had a very clear memory of it. I said, "Your total came to $35.46 and you gave me two twenties. I gave you $4.54 in change. I did not shortchange you by $10."

Him: "No, I gave you $50!"
Me: "No, you gave me two twenties. I don't even have a fifty dollar bill in my till. I can show you if you'd like."
Him: "I gave you two twenty-five dollar bills. That's fifty dollars."
Me: "You gave me two twenty-five dollar bills?"
Him: "Yes!"
*lightbulb goes off in his brain*
Him: "WELL THAT'S JUST GREAT!"
...and he stormed off in a huff.

[DeeBye]

I thought people read that for the jokes?
[right][snapback]68507[/snapback][/right]

I look at the boobies :blush:

[jahcs]

I look at the boobies&nbsp; :blush:
[right][snapback]68510[/snapback][/right]

Perhaps all of us at the lounge have misunderestimated you again DeeBye. :P

[aaa]

I look at the boobies&nbsp; :blush:
[right][snapback]68510[/snapback][/right]

:lol: Freaking Hilarious :lol: