Christmas Carols

[Occhidiangela]

===================
The Twelve Days in Kurast
===================

On my Twelfth Day in Kurast, my Druid gave to me:

Twelve Twisters Twisting
Eleven Werebears Mauling
Ten Werewolves Howling
Nine Grizzlies Growling
Eight Fissures Venting
Seven Ravens Swooping
Six Solar Creepers

Five Arctic Blasts!

Four Vol-canos
Three Shockwaves
Two Tor-nados
And an Oak Sage with Dire Wolves Three!


============================
It's Beginning To Look Alot Like One Ten
============================

It's beginning to look a lot like One Ten
On the Realms (and not)
There's some synergy going on
The Hammerdins bang the gong
At the Salvation Army's pot

It's beginning to look alot like One Ten
With every boo hoo hoo
Of the lamers who want the gold-
Items (when MF goes cold)
And no one wants chips from you!

There's a barb in the Hills
Filled with Arrows and Quills
Wondering "at the name of the truck"
That ran over his sorc
And that overtwinked dorque
Who told Necros "Dim Vision's teh suck!"

It's beginning to look a lot like one ten
There at the Maggot Lair
Poor Ruvanal reads code and thinks
That the bug pile now reeks and stinks
While Jarulf can only pull his thinning hair!

It's beginning to look at lot like One Ten
The Flagship sails away
With the heart of Diablo's Team,
They've put on all sail and steam,
But One Eleven's "on the way!"


===========
Necro Man Rock
===========

Necro man, Necro man, Necr man, sir
Skeletons swing and skeletons sing
Tossing Bone Spirits
While fighting Baal's "son"
Now the Rathma Revival's begun

Jingle bones, jangle bones, Skeleton Mage
Tossing spells left and right
Lower resistance
Clay golem slows down
Where the merc with his might?

Now it's bone time
Oh it's show time
On the Arreat Plateau

Come and play, dear
With my Bone Spear
We'll skewer rabbits in the wind and snow

Run sround, Skeletons
Sprint to the Keep
We've got old Baal to Stop
Trap him with a Prison
In the Chamber with me
That's the Necro Man
That's the Necro Man
That's the Necro Man Rock!


How about a few more, folks, it's the silly season!

Occhi

[Obi2Kenobi]

http://www.lurkerlounge.com/forums/index.p...=ST&f=10&t=2101

(To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland")
Public games, you're not missing
In the game, gold is glistening
A horrible sight, we're pubbies tonight
Cheating in a B.net public game

Gone away is the legit
That's very sad, isn't it?
He plays a pure build as we go unskilled
Cheating in a B.net public game

With the town kill we can kill your warrior
Then pretend that it was really lag.
He'll say "Are you stupid?"
We'll say "No, man!"
But you can do the job when you're in town :P
Later on we'll conspire as we cheat by the fire
To face unafraid, with the dupes that we'll trade
Cheating in a B.net public game

Blizzard Reps, are you listening?
In the game, gold is glistening'
A horrible sight, we're pubbies tonight
Cheating in a B.net public game

Gone away are the pure builds
Here to stay is the new build
I am a rube, and you are a noob.
Cheating in a B.net public game

[Occhidiangela]

We Three Barbs
Of Arreat's Peak
Kill the rushee
Murder the weak
Leaping, Whirling
Throwing, Hurling
Death to the bnet geek

Oooh Ooooh

Beg for BO
And Oak Sage
Add Decrep or Boney Cage
Lag or chill me
One hit kill me
Red screen on the Ancient's stage

I am Talic,
Whirling Blade
Merc's are chopped, sliced-diced and fileted (Pronounced fill-ayed)
Spawning Cru-el
On my too-oo-ell
Once more the Piper's paid

Oooh Ooooh

Beg for BO
And Oak Sage
Add Decrep or Boney Cage
Lag or chill me
One hit kill me
Red screen on the Ancient's stage

I am Korlic
Hare con Polearm
High I fly
To bring lethal harm
Sorc said "Oh #$%&e-
That hare's dy-namite"
Just as she bought the farm

Oooh Ooooh

Beg for BO
And Oak Sage
Use Decrep or Boney Cage
Lag or chill me
One hit kill me
Red screen on the Ancients' stage

I am Madawc
Nolan Ryan's heir
Fire Enchanted
For your despair
Hit points, three grand?
It's still your last stand
When knives burn through the air

Oooh Ooooh

Beg for BO
And Oak Sage
Use Decrep or Boney Cage
Lag or chill me
One hit kill me
Red screen on the Ancients' stage

Back to town
A survivor flees
Seeks revenge
For succor he pleas
Qual shrugs, "Teh suck
With help from Nilithak
Baal spawned the Master's cheese"

(Var: Bill spawned the Master Cheese)

Oooh Ooooh

Beg for BO
And Oak Sage
Decrepify and Boney Cage
Lag or chill me
One hit kill me
Red screen on the Ancient's stage

[CelticHound]

... and sing a slaying song tonight!

-- CH

[LemmingofGlory]

When sung by the Legion, "Away in a Manger" is about Greiz.

[Occhidiangela]

It's "Carol of the Baals" that I am working on (two Baals, much fun to be had with that, of course)

and

"Away Into Danger"

Is the hymn sung by the Legion, which lyrics I shall ask you to help me with, Sergeant Pygmy. Hmm, I still owe Hawkmoon Chapter Two of FoS, so I can't ask Sergeant Sarisa for help . . .

Yes, 'tis true, OcchiD'Merc lives, still, on West. :D

[ZatarRufus]

A VISIT FROM ST. BLIZZARD
by ZatarRufus
(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore or Henry Livingston, Jr.)


'Twas the night before Patchmas, when all through the realms
Not a creature was stirring, nor dropping cheap helms.
The modem sat ready, connected with care,
In hopes that One-Ten soon would be there.

Some players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of fair games danced in their heads;
And I at my 'puter, a lonely ol' chap,
Had just settled down to consider a nap,

When out of the blue there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my senses to see what was the matter.
Away to my Windows I flew like a flash,
Clicked open my browser and deleted some trash.

The screensaver now off, the monitor did glow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniture link, for One-Ten is now here.

With a move of the mouse, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I'd give it a click.
More rapid than snails the electrons they came,
And I whistled, and shouted, while I updated my game.

Now, Stopping! now, Starting! now, Pausing and Sending!
On, Data! on, Packets! on, Fixes and Mending!
To my computer and hard drive, ere I did call;
Now load away! load away! load away all!

As programs will do when data does fly,
The sectors were written; in sequence they lie,
So across my desktop my pointer it flew,
And finding the icon, I knew what to do.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw on my screen
The dancing of pixels so bright and so keen.
As I drew in my hand, and was clicking around,
Each little intro began with a sound.

The game looked as before, even the menu,
Then I saw One-Ten and chose to continue,
A bundle of changes, Blizz promised me that,
I hope this is good, I thought while I sat.

Create a new character, how joyous and merry,
Or start with a mule for things I can't carry?
And what of the Rogue I'll soon have in tow?
She'll sling some arrows and needs a good bow.

What of a Necro who fights with his teeth,
And encircles the monsters with a bone prison wreath?
Maybe a Barbarian with a muscular belly,
And weapons to pound all creatures to jelly.

Perhaps wait for a mod, if I could play as an elf,
And I laughed at this concept, in spite of myself.
A character here's better, I'd read;
For playing this way, I have nothing to dread.

Another click of the mouse, I did with a jerk,
And character named, I hoped it would work.
Loading screen finished, the Rogue camp arose,
And late as it is, I ought to click close.

Off to the Blood Moor, I soon gave a whistle,
For there was a Quill Rat shooting a missile.
The patch was now running, a wonderful sight,
Happy Patchmas to all, and to all a good fight!

[Obi2Kenobi]

Now you made me want to make a really good one (although it probably won't be that good), too. :)

As sung by the 12 year old boy band, D'sync ®. "Coming Soon"™ This is really really really starting to annoy me. I type up "Patch Fix Ye Undead Skeleton" (actually it's about all my gripes with 1.10, but skeleton and gentlemen sound so much alike) and press the back button by accident. So I type it up again, and get kicked off the comp before I can finish. The person who kicked me off turned it off...

[Kartoffelsalat]

I Just Got Run Over By The D-Clone
To the tune of “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”


CHORUS:
I just got run over by the D-Clone,
Running home from blood runs Christmas Eve!
You can that he is fun and easy,
But Durga and I wish to disagree.

I had just run out of potions,
And to town I had to go.
I forgot to get the waypoint,
So I ran around from here
and then to fro.

Then I saw him there at Shenk’s place,
Shooting fire at my back
I was scorched and fried in moments,
And Durga was stunned and shocked
by the attack.

CHORUS

I tried to fight the monster with the wrong gear,
‘Cause I was wearing magic-find.
So I got spanked by that baddie,
And he whooped upon my pasty
Lil’ behind.

It’s not easy without my merc,
Who died first that fateful night.
And I just don’t know what to do,
Should I Get a freeze guy,
Thorns or Might?
THORNS OR MIGHT!

CHORUS

Then I tried to save-and-exit,
But I heard my own death noise (AARGH!)
Now I live up in Valhalla,
With other hardcore dead guys
and all their toys.

Heed this warning or you’ll die, too,
When you meet D-clone in-game.
You just don’t mess with a guy,
Who shoots lightning out his fingers,
and has cold hands.

Sing it, Durga!

CHORUS

[Occhidiangela]

Thank you, that was wonderful. :D

[Occhidiangela]

Away into Danger
To battle we head
We charge into melee
Without fear or dread

Sometimes we teleport
Sometimes run in place
Avoiding collisions
While bugs eat your face

The demons are drooling
In Hell's Outer Steppes
I poke with my Warpike
They chew on my pecs

Once more overwhelmed
By the numeric odds
Those nitwits who hire me
MF running clods

Topaz in my Helmet
With Wealth as my shirt
I'd rather have Shaftstop
So I'd eat less dirt

A Rockstopper Hat
All upgraded with Runes
With those on my pals would
Sing less funeral tunes

Away into danger
No Sol's in my hat
That greedy MFer
Just makes monsters fat

He feeds me to Mehpy
I'm a Duriel Snack
My only revenge comes
When I can hold back

In Sanctuary, Chaos,
Some rube hits a seal
Then out of the ether
Come Balrogs with Steel

They're hopped up on Crack
And their breath, how it burns
When down goes my owner
No lesson he learns

"It's lag" he screams skyward
"And my merc's AI
Those hosers at Blizzard
Can make me just cry"

But little does he know
While he'll whine and vent
Each time he sees red screen
I earn ten percent!



C

[Brimstone]

*sniff* That was beautiful, Occhi... :lol:

[ZatarRufus]

Very well done!

[DeeBye]

[Kartoffelsalat]

That's some quality stuff there, DeeBye! But can you make him sing? :P

[DeeBye]

But can you make him sing?   :P

I had a hard enough time getting him to wear the Santa hat.

(btw, does anyone have a link to Nasty Diablo? I searched B.net for a while and came up with nuthin')

[Tal]

Well its on fileplanet http://www.fileplanet.com/files/110000/118221.shtml

I have it on my box at home if you want I'll throw it up on my server for you to download if waiting in line isn't on your agenda. ;)

[DeeBye]

I have it on my box at home if you want I'll throw it up on my server for you to download if waiting in line isn't on your agenda. ;)

Thanks anyways.

I found the page I was looking for. I feel like such a dope, because the URL is http://www.blizzard.com/xmas/ . I should have been able to figure that out, despite the super-secret ultra-indecipherable code they used.

(Btw, here's a link to the Voodoo Files download location for Nasty Diablo)

edit: I suck at the grammar

[Kartoffelsalat]

I had a hard enough time getting him to wear the Santa hat.

(btw, does anyone have a link to Nasty Diablo?  I searched B.net for a while and came up with nuthin')

Cystalion just posted this link in the "Name the D-clone" thread: nasty diablo