Posts: 1,036
Threads: 12
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06-25-2003, 02:52 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-26-2003, 06:13 PM by Rhydderch Hael.)
Rhydderch Hael's Fair and Objective Guide to Playing the Skankin' No-Brained Cookie-Cutter Wood Witch known as the Amazon.
The writer that brought you Magickal Defenses Against the Dark Arts, Vol. II: Gourmet French Cuisine and Sugar the Black Cat visits Happyland presents for the first time ever the most comprehensive guide on Diablo II's Amazon: with fundamental and heretical insight on skill allocation, "suggested" equipment lists, combat tactics, a mouse-click excercise tool, and helpful hints on how to maintain your masculinity whilst playing withâin full view of the publicâa computer-generated Barbie doll.
Political Correctness is the idea that you can foster tolerance in a diverse world through the intolerance of anything that strays from a clinical standard.
Posts: 624
Threads: 20
Joined: Feb 2003
All-Encompassing Strategy Guide by F. N. Knowitol.
Upon the consideration of the possibility of the remote chance that I, having far more knowledge and wisdom gained in the arenas of battle.net buggery and baiting than the average bear and certainly someone that *should* publish their findings, would seek to author an all-encompassing strategy guide for the benefit of those of lesser worth and expertise it became suddenly apparent to myself that there would be, among other reactions smaller and taller and lesser but never greater, a concerted response by those that would be obviously slighted by my less-than-vague reference to their inferior skills, learning and parentage and would force me to then endure hour upon endless hour of reading those lame yet persistent threats of "I pwn joo, n00B!!!111!!" and "I'll crack your box" that would trundle into my email account in the following months after publication.
Garnered Wisdom --
If it has more than four legs, kill it immediately.
Never hesitate to put another bullet into the skull of the movie's main villain; it'll save time on the denouement.
Eight hours per day of children's TV programming can reduce a grown man to tears -- PM me for details.
Posts: 624
Threads: 20
Joined: Feb 2003
no text
Garnered Wisdom --
If it has more than four legs, kill it immediately.
Never hesitate to put another bullet into the skull of the movie's main villain; it'll save time on the denouement.
Eight hours per day of children's TV programming can reduce a grown man to tears -- PM me for details.
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
The Cold Shoulder
or
"I shaved my legs, for this?"
cold tanned fanfic by BabeInLeather
She slunk silently past the hordes of moon lords, her Cloak of Shadows hiding from them her rapid, yet incredibly silent but deadly, thanks to her belt full of choking gas flasks, progress towards the demonic master of the coked-up minotaurs in whose posession lay the one and only treasure worth finding in this decrepit, frozen, ice lined hellhole known as the Ancient's Way: the Torn Flesh of Souls, an armor of legendary power which had yet to be found by anyone anywhere, and was thus the rarest of the rare and most sought after treasure craved by greed maddened hordes of freebooters in the land called, erroneously, Sanctuary, unless you happened to be a complete nutcase assassin like herself.
(OK, the colon really was a cheesy to attach a clause, but it is one horrific sentence! :D)
Death by a thousand comma splices, indeed!
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
Written by HazelzNuts, possessor of level 99 characters in every class
Diabloo II and it's expamsion pack Lord of Distraction are a very good game that is fun to play on battlenet, that is if you know how to make a good cin-max build, and so should be approached as a fun little analicktical exorcise in assembling friends, items, points, skulls, and a whole bunch of neat stuff that you can use to kill monsters and to compete in PvP in public and private duels, which are the best kind, but rather than bore you with generalities, I will get right to the point, which is that you have to make sure that you join a club, guild or clam that will allow you to shore and trade items securely, level quickly with rushing games, and assemble an equipment package that will allow you to dominut every arena in the game without using a bot like Pindlebot and Mephbot because those are chats and we don't want to lose our uber characters to Blizzard's nefarminous methods of cheat pretention.
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Man, run on sentences are hard to write. :P
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 1,036
Threads: 12
Joined: Feb 2003
Tea with Rakanishu: An Interview with a Legend
As a Lightning Enchanted Carver Boss, you'd think this little green man has had it all: fame and power; a name on the lips of all his companions; fearsome repute and reknown; a brief love affair with Charlize Theronâ yet I doubt you know the true story of Rakanishu and the trials he has had to endure in his rocket-ride to stardom... until now.
Political Correctness is the idea that you can foster tolerance in a diverse world through the intolerance of anything that strays from a clinical standard.
Posts: 1,036
Threads: 12
Joined: Feb 2003
06-25-2003, 03:40 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-25-2003, 04:00 PM by Rhydderch Hael.)
Yyaganatharon's Guide on Barbarian Combat Tactics (now offered at Amazon.com for a list price of $44.99)
Smash, make flat.
The End
Political Correctness is the idea that you can foster tolerance in a diverse world through the intolerance of anything that strays from a clinical standard.
Posts: 624
Threads: 20
Joined: Feb 2003
Yet Another Paladin Guide by Andy Rote-Anudderwun
To publish yet another Lord of Destruction Paladin Guide, while seeming foolhardy to most of those knowledgeable with the game and its myriad facets of play, knowing how underpowered and under-appreciated the playing class can be by the squirming masses of Amazons and Barbarians would be fruitless except for the knowledge that playing a Paladin to perfection is akin to owning and defending the usage of a Macintosh computer; you just do, you don't really know why, you're not about to bother to try to explain it in detail and it seemed like a good idea at the time when the salesman was talking.
Garnered Wisdom --
If it has more than four legs, kill it immediately.
Never hesitate to put another bullet into the skull of the movie's main villain; it'll save time on the denouement.
Eight hours per day of children's TV programming can reduce a grown man to tears -- PM me for details.
Posts: 624
Threads: 20
Joined: Feb 2003
You're making me cry. :lol:
Garnered Wisdom --
If it has more than four legs, kill it immediately.
Never hesitate to put another bullet into the skull of the movie's main villain; it'll save time on the denouement.
Eight hours per day of children's TV programming can reduce a grown man to tears -- PM me for details.
Posts: 624
Threads: 20
Joined: Feb 2003
Nice one, Occhi. Can I join your dominut clam?
Garnered Wisdom --
If it has more than four legs, kill it immediately.
Never hesitate to put another bullet into the skull of the movie's main villain; it'll save time on the denouement.
Eight hours per day of children's TV programming can reduce a grown man to tears -- PM me for details.
Posts: 1,252
Threads: 76
Joined: Feb 2003
The Ultimate Experience Guide
aka
i ownd joo n00b with mi leet elemental druid!!!!!111111
By Bob the Builder
There is really only one place for good experience, and that is the Secret Cow Level which is really good and I am about to tell you how to get there: you just log on to cattle.net and get into your best account with all the uber-leet items there, type in /w *Ima_Scammer <account name><password> and then if you get a response, the cow level is unlocked so... (continued on page 3)
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
Tea With Rakanishu. Great title.
R.A. McAvoy will be rolling over in her grave, except I don't think she's dead yet, she's feeling better . . . :D
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
Clam-filled donuts. :D
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 1,036
Threads: 12
Joined: Feb 2003
06-25-2003, 05:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-25-2003, 05:03 PM by Rhydderch Hael.)
As the flesh of the demon king withered and darkened into stone and the glow of the soulstone shimmered bright in his lifeless head, the Ranger slung his crossbow through his battle-rig and cocked his head at the gruesome sight, "Hey, Hylock: don't get me wrongâI'm glad to be part of the team against evil, fighting the good fight and saving the world from continual, overwhelming peril, but... we get paid for this job, right?"
Political Correctness is the idea that you can foster tolerance in a diverse world through the intolerance of anything that strays from a clinical standard.
Posts: 1,252
Threads: 76
Joined: Feb 2003
The world's strongest character!
aka
My level 99 orb/nova sorc in act 1, normal
By Yull B. Sorree
Bob the sorc, whom had leeched in cows to get where she was, finally went back to act 1 to face the horrors within and find her uber-geer, known only as the Elusive Cracked Sash, which could only be found from a monster reffered to in fear as Sashed Crack; she headed out, and after casting energy shield, shiver armor, and thunderstorm, she felt ready to take on this highly deadly creature whose name I shall not utter here, the quill rat, and casted orb, which bounced off its leathery hide; it sent a deadly thorn toward her and she lost more than half her life to this murderous creature, however, at the last moment, thunderstorm killed it and she saw the words sash, then cried as it wasn't cracked. (This is all one sentence)
Posts: 6,430
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06-25-2003, 05:13 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-25-2003, 05:17 PM by Occhidiangela.)
Titillating Talez From Atma's Tavern
The Scandalous Secrets of Lut Gholein's Nightlife
edgy fanfic from MenO_Paws
Atma swirled her glass of wine carelessly as she watched the mad dancing on the tabletops in what had become a customary whirling melee of flailing arms and legs, slam dancing being the most popular step in dervish dancing these days, and expectantly awaited the revelations of physique that the usual torrent of flying clothing promised as the various and sundry overly drugged, overly drunk patrons shed their garments to both prevent heat prostration and to remove their last inhibitions to anything remotely resembling civilty in the Thursday night rave, afraid that once again the frenetic fandango would demonstrate it's stagnation into trite ritual, rather than life filled exuberance, and the clothing shower would once again reveal that here, at Atma's, there was no fresh meat: her ensuing sigh of ennui could have filled the sails of every ship in the harbor.
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*breaks into a sweat* Did I use enough commas?
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 624
Threads: 20
Joined: Feb 2003
06-25-2003, 05:21 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-25-2003, 07:56 PM by Nicodemus Phaulkon.)
The Test of a True Amazon by G. Gulling Massis
No matter how much Aella steeled herself, forever locked in conflict for those that claimed her presence in the war-party was based on her looks and not her battle prowess, she couldn't find the strength within herself to undergo the mythical Amazonian practice of righteous self-mastectomy in order to properly draw a bow; not so much because of the social or fashion challenges that it would provide, but more so because of the lifelong compensatory need to hold herself listing twenty degrees to starboard in order not to topple over while standing.
Garnered Wisdom --
If it has more than four legs, kill it immediately.
Never hesitate to put another bullet into the skull of the movie's main villain; it'll save time on the denouement.
Eight hours per day of children's TV programming can reduce a grown man to tears -- PM me for details.
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
06-25-2003, 05:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-25-2003, 05:26 PM by Occhidiangela.)
Deleted, double post, my apologies.
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 6,430
Threads: 204
Joined: Feb 2003
Written by Scalded_Skull
As everyone knows, except you greenhorns who are just now reading my guide and therefore don't know, the Diablo II necromancers are curse bitches whose sole purpose is to make sure that everyone else in the game can kill things faster and better, except for a few little know facts that I will reveal to you if you send, to the link below, 11 dollars via PayPal: hey, you have nothing to lose but your status as a second class bnet citizen!
LinkToNecroSecretsKnownOnlyToMeAndNotATrojan
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
Posts: 1,252
Threads: 76
Joined: Feb 2003
The perfect skills for a nude barb
aka
Get your hands off my Horadric Cube!
By Oliver Clozoff
Since your going to not have any armor on, you obviously need shout to help out your defense, and since you don't have a weapon, there is no way for you to make it without the best damage skill in the game, whirlwind; however, you want to leave it at one point since there are other, better skills in the game: Sword mastery helps you since your nails are sharp, mace mastery helps because your fists are blunt, polearm mastery because your fists are at the end of your arm, spear mastery so you can poke people, throwing mastery so you can have a longer range, and axe mastery so you can use a kung foo chop!
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