My visit to the hospital! *very long*

[Doc]

Hmm. This is not the most painful, but, it is rather funny.

I was trying to help a woman get a big TV arial up top her house. (This is the 70's mind you... TV arials were needed to get good reception, cable did not exist yet.) Anyhow, I was up on the roof and all was going well, and there was this sudden breeze. I got gusted a bit but was fine. I turned sideways to the wind and continued working on the mounting bracket. Once I had that screwed in place, I stood up and prepared to place the arial into the bracket. This time, 'twas not a breeze, but a very stiff gust of wind. I lost my footing (Was a shale roof) and tumbled off of the roof. As I fell, I tried hurling the massive metal arial away from me, but with no luck.

I landed on the ground, was blacked out for maybe a few seconds or maybe a few minutes, got the wind knocked out of me (So I thought) and slowly picked my self up. Having a little trouble breating, but, I feel ok, no broken bones or anything. Just a real tightness in my chest. I walk around the house to where the lady is sitting on her back patio, she takes one look at me and begins screaming bloody murder. She points at me, and, I look down, and, can't see anything wrong. I seem to be ok. I notice I am starting to hurt a bit more now, feeling a little dizzy. In her hysterical screaming I make out the word "shoulder" so I look over at one shoulder, don't see anything wrong, then look over at my other shoulder and what do I see sticking up like a second head? About 5 feet of shining steel rod that broke off from the arial. Jammed down into my shoulder God knows how deep.

Now the fun begins. First off, I don't fit in the ambulance. They don't have anything to cut the rod down to make it shorter, and they staunchy refuse to pull it out, or let me pull it out. Not knowing what to do, the lady's neighbor offers to drive his flat bed truck with a 9 foot bed to the hospital to carry me. So, I get strapped to the back of a flatbed like some roadkill deer and every bump on the way I could feel the steel rod inside of me vibrate and bounce around. Is my fun over?

At the hospital, the door closes on the metal rod, causing me to gasp and curse and say stuff that just aint fit to say around women and children. Of course, it's my luck, I show up on a day that a bunch of new resident doctors fresh from the classroom are getting oriented, as well as a bunch of student nurses. One of the nurses takes one look at me, throws up, and promptly faints.

Nobody seems to know what to do. A trauma surgeon is called in, meanwhile, I get to lay on my back for a few hours starting at the pasteboard ceiling and counting all the holes in the tile.

The trauma surgeon comes in, gets more xrays, asks me a few questions, informs me it impaled me right through my lung, grazed my liver, and skewered my intestine. One of the nurses (A hardened veteren this time) tells me to look into her little flashlight thingamabob, and, when I do, the doctor grabs the metal rod, gives it a good stiff yank, and jerks it right out of me. I go into surgery a little while later that night, and, come next morning, feeling fine and dandy.

Getting impaled sucks.

I was sure glad when cable became available!