Men speak in C; Women speak in Java?

[Occhidiangela]

I have oftened wondered what was going on the head of whatever woman ever uttered that line to her husband:

"Does this dress make me look fat"
"Do I look fat in this?"

If one ever did.

Has any real person ever actually had to answer that question, or is this whole concept a fabrication of comedians?

"How do I look in this dress?" I have heard frequently. My wife has learned that from me she will either get:

"You look good/great in that dress!" when I think it flatters her
"It's not your color" when I don't think the colors flatter her
As the running joke in my family is that I am fashion impaired (I know what I like) I often find it humorous that my opinion is ever solicited, yet wife and daughter still do.

Does anyone really tell their wife "Honey, that dress makes you look fat!"

And if someone does, is it done with love in their heart, or as a a cheap shot payback for whatever the dress cost and the hope that it will be returned and the credit card credited for the purchase price?

Apparentlym, the entire conversation gets into 'fishing for compliments.' Or so I have been informed by SNAG's. (Sensitive, New Age Guys)

I have learned, the hard way, that my view of compliments, valid when earned and valueless when thrown about like confetti, is not universal. (I also object to trophies for every place in a little league sport: trophies are for winning.) I have also learned that when I pass a compliment, sometimes that which is being complimented does not resonate as well as on another subject.

Example: The missus makes a great and tasty dinner of a simple meal. I ooh and ah because it hits the spot, perfectly, that evening at that time an place.

A week later, a far more complex meal is prepared, and it too is tasty. Yet, I do not ooh and ah over it with the same gusto, apparently, even though compliments to the chef are both in order and expressed. I have goten, on occasion, the comment 'Why do I bother with the fancy meal when all you really appreciate is the simple meal?" The reply: Why does a compliment have to be measured in effort as opposed to result, and why is the compliment sincerely expressed insufficient?

Flip side: I cook a lot. I put in the effort required. If I am to earn a compliment on the dinner, I seek a response on the quality of the dish served. I don't see the effort expended as being well aimed if I spend two or more hours and serve up average or worse fare. As I see it, I need to present the diner with good food: that is why I put the effort in to the preparation in the first place. I want the meal to be enjoyed, and to please the tastebuds. When she compliments me on the effort, I typically used to reply:

"Yes, thanks, but was the food any good? Should I prepare it that way again, or should I try to improve upon it? Did I over season the salmon? Was it too spicey? Too much taragon?"

We have both come to understand one another's point of view on this, and we have both learned how each of us values the process and the product. The dialogue is continuous in effective communication. :)

Some of us learn how to phrase things so that the receiver hears it in a way that the meaning resonates with them. It's a people thing. :)