My Thoughts & What I Need

[Hillary]

Okay, we've been shaken, there's no doubt. I understand that Sommli was driven from the channel tonight with a terrible swift sword. He and I go way back, and I wouldn't have gotten mounted at 40 had it not been for him, so farewell, NSD, and good luck. Not all Lurkers feel you used us. Not this Lurker.

So I'm going to be unpopular here. I have friends in Lurkers. Good friends, and what transpired there tonight - brought on by Jon and I going to Carpe Aurum - very soon made its way to my pointed little ears. I was absolutely mortified, hurt, and angered by it all. Sabra opened this up, and I'm going to finish it.

I have grouped with 2 rogues for almost 25 levels. We have been a trio, to the point that SoD would ask me where my rogues were if I was off on my own. Jon (Abattoir) and I were friends before this game, so we were an obvious pair. But then NSD (aka Curufin, aka Sommli) came along. We were the same level, and we had the same quests, not to mention a love of sarcastic humor. It was an immediate hit. We adventured together straight up to 60 and forged a very good friendship along the way.

That being said, I know him well, and I like to think I know Jon and I pretty well.

The very idea that ANY of us used Lurkers baffles me. NSD gave time and money to anyone who needed it, from arranging guild events to raiding and helping out lower levelled characters. He was incredibly generous, lending funds and resources to those who asked. Two guild pony loans came out of his pocket, IIRC. He went on quests multiple times for people that needed them, even if he'd been done for weeks at a time. Arethor can vouch for this. To say that he USED anyone is shortsighted and insulting, and he's owed a huge apology.

The reasoning behind him leaving is similar to my own: a need for a more regimented guild. Lurkers' strength - the low pressure atmosphere that lends itself to great personal relationships - is also their curse when it comes to end game 40 man raiding. A hard line is needed there, because one person's mistake can mean 39 other characters wipe. Someone with the ability to manage such a large group - and keep them engaged - is required. If an individual stood up with THAT level of charisma and strength in Lurkers, it could be misconstrued as trying to force the lurkers into what they're not: a true guild. GG said it very well in his other post: high end raiding will engage some and absolutely repel others.

It's a Catch 22.

This was something I pondered at length, and in my own estimation, I felt that I didn't have the time or energy to try to 1) Be that person to organize such a massive feat or 2) wade through the touch and go that the Lurkers will have to endure to figure out the happy medium between true guild and not true guild. I needed something clear cut and plain, lacking foggy area. My life is too hectic at this juncture for me to be bogged down in haziness. CA offered a clarity I warmed to over time, and the best part? They were CLOSE to Lurkers. I could have my friends and the regiment my gameplay demanded.

NSD would voice a similar story, I'm sure, because I've heard similar things from his mouth.

So it's not that Lurkers aren't good enough. It's a fabulous place to grow up. Great people, great times, but just like any other establishment, there are weaknesses. And with anything, there are many ways to approach such weaknesses. Some people will try to change them - improve upon what they have, some people will accept them as status quo and go as if nothing happened, and some people will choose to look elsewhere for opportunity.

The rogues and the priest fall into that last category.

When the decision to leave was discussed between the three, NSD, Abattoir, and Grizelle weighed the pros and cons of such a huge leap. It wasn't easy. It was emotionally draining to begin with. To have something as negative as this occur just as you're about to close what we all considered to be a happy chapter in our online lives makes it very bitter.

I think I've ranted enough here, and if relations are strained, so be it. I'm not the type to keep my mouth shut when something I consider unfair has occurred. But I know that I (and Jon, and NSD) never used this guild. I've tried to help people as best I could with my time, my healing, my money, and anything else I had to give. I did these things because I respected who Lurkers were - who the people were. All I asked in return is the same level of respect, and tonight, I didn't get that. I got a whole truckload of upset.

I'm very disappointed with the whole situation.