Good point about communication. Sorry to hear you've run into so many jerk warriors.
I usually don't lecture at all unless things go bad, and when they do I claim the blame (With a politically worded private message to anyone who did something obviously wrong - like "/msg Iliketoscare Sorry about letting that runner get away. Please be careful with your fear when there are potential adds around - makes my job a bit harder. ;)"). Many times the group does just fine without a lecture - the tactics may not be perfect, but the job gets done.
Less bossy warriors also have to adapt their tanking style to the way the group is operating. When I am with rogues similar to the build/style you're using (with insane dmg and not interested in toning down their specials a bit), I often ask them to be "main assist" - meaning the group should assist them and take their targets down quickly, while I ensure that I keep aggro on every other mob in the pull. Once I know I have the other mobs locked, I will taunt the rogue's target off of him (for a little breather, although if I have enough rage I can get lock back from a rogue doing their worst).
Many rogues however (presumably the more stealthy types), really enjoy when I overshoot the pull and turn and face the group so the rogue has lots of nicely exposed backs to go to town on, leaving me on the periphery so if there are adds, they aggro me first instead of the rogue.
There are spots that scream for AoE damage (Death Wish and the last moments of Armory in SM for instance), and unless the party wants to twiddle their thumbs while you build up a few AoE taunts, the tank won't keep everything on them. In those situations I just try to make sure everything at least starts on me (by pulling) and that they all have demoralizing shout (so they hurt the AoE'ers less) and Piercing Howl (so they may not reach the AoE chars at all) applied. If with those two steps, mobs are still doing too much damage to the casters, maybe AoE isn't the best idea... If it's a one time deal like the SM example, saving a challenging shout to buy the casters a few more seconds of aggro free ownage is a good idea.
I usually don't lecture at all unless things go bad, and when they do I claim the blame (With a politically worded private message to anyone who did something obviously wrong - like "/msg Iliketoscare Sorry about letting that runner get away. Please be careful with your fear when there are potential adds around - makes my job a bit harder. ;)"). Many times the group does just fine without a lecture - the tactics may not be perfect, but the job gets done.
Less bossy warriors also have to adapt their tanking style to the way the group is operating. When I am with rogues similar to the build/style you're using (with insane dmg and not interested in toning down their specials a bit), I often ask them to be "main assist" - meaning the group should assist them and take their targets down quickly, while I ensure that I keep aggro on every other mob in the pull. Once I know I have the other mobs locked, I will taunt the rogue's target off of him (for a little breather, although if I have enough rage I can get lock back from a rogue doing their worst).
Many rogues however (presumably the more stealthy types), really enjoy when I overshoot the pull and turn and face the group so the rogue has lots of nicely exposed backs to go to town on, leaving me on the periphery so if there are adds, they aggro me first instead of the rogue.
There are spots that scream for AoE damage (Death Wish and the last moments of Armory in SM for instance), and unless the party wants to twiddle their thumbs while you build up a few AoE taunts, the tank won't keep everything on them. In those situations I just try to make sure everything at least starts on me (by pulling) and that they all have demoralizing shout (so they hurt the AoE'ers less) and Piercing Howl (so they may not reach the AoE chars at all) applied. If with those two steps, mobs are still doing too much damage to the casters, maybe AoE isn't the best idea... If it's a one time deal like the SM example, saving a challenging shout to buy the casters a few more seconds of aggro free ownage is a good idea.