08-26-2004, 02:17 AM
(This post was last modified: 08-26-2004, 02:20 AM by Rhydderch Hael.)
I'm not in this for the prize. It's art, baby.
Santa and the Christmas Ninjas
In 1986, the CEOs of several big-name toy companies came to a decision: eliminate their long-standing philanthropic competitor, Santa Claus. They would assassinate the jolly fat man and assure their iron grip on the holiday toy season for all time.
Meanwhile at the North Pole, Santa's not feeling all too well about the changing times and is becoming disheartened by a slagging work force of disgruntled elves, a troubled marriage with Mrs. Claus, and the fact that the Christmas spirit is waning from childrens' hearts. But, he summons enough resolve to make one more Christmas run with his sleigh and reindeer.
On Christmas Eveâ several F-15 fighters under the employ of the toy companies make a combat air patrol over the polar ice cap and attempt to intercept and shoot down Santa. They manage to get a lock-on and fire their missiles. Santa tries to evade the incoming, and in doing so his hitch to the reindeer team breaks and the unpowered sleigh plummets to earth while the flying reindeer scatter and avoid the missile fire.
Santa crashes into an isolated fishing village in Japan, where he is first captured by a ninja clan, reluctantly nursed back to health, and both Santa and the ninjas start a long process of gaining each other's understanding and friendship. Santa teaches the ninjas the joys of childhood mirth and gift-giving, and the ninjas teach Santa how to fight and snap a man's neck with just three fingers.
Meanwhile in the rest of the world, everyone is mourning and lamenting the loss of Santa Claus. At the North Pole, he's listed as MIA, but no one holds hope. The toy companies revel in the apparent death of their rival, and the world wonders about next Christmas.
All this time Santa is training and preparing with the ninjas for next Christmas' inevitable showdown, and by the time the holidays roll around again, Santa is ready to fight and the ninjas are going to back him up. The ninjas are going to act as Santa's helpers and deliver presents to the children of the world (delivered the only way ninjas know how). And the kids on the Naughty list get a real special Christmas lesson.
And there's the climactic confrontation between Santa and the toy company execs, rescuing the hostages (elves and Mrs. Claus) the businessmen have taken, and the unveiling of the soon-to-be famous "Sword of the Fat Man" katana decorated in a grip wrap of red and white. And when it's all over, Santa and his clan have a renewed sense of Christmas joy and the movie ends in the warm-n-fuzzy celebration that any good 80's movie finishes off with.
Santa and the Christmas Ninjas
In 1986, the CEOs of several big-name toy companies came to a decision: eliminate their long-standing philanthropic competitor, Santa Claus. They would assassinate the jolly fat man and assure their iron grip on the holiday toy season for all time.
Meanwhile at the North Pole, Santa's not feeling all too well about the changing times and is becoming disheartened by a slagging work force of disgruntled elves, a troubled marriage with Mrs. Claus, and the fact that the Christmas spirit is waning from childrens' hearts. But, he summons enough resolve to make one more Christmas run with his sleigh and reindeer.
On Christmas Eveâ several F-15 fighters under the employ of the toy companies make a combat air patrol over the polar ice cap and attempt to intercept and shoot down Santa. They manage to get a lock-on and fire their missiles. Santa tries to evade the incoming, and in doing so his hitch to the reindeer team breaks and the unpowered sleigh plummets to earth while the flying reindeer scatter and avoid the missile fire.
Santa crashes into an isolated fishing village in Japan, where he is first captured by a ninja clan, reluctantly nursed back to health, and both Santa and the ninjas start a long process of gaining each other's understanding and friendship. Santa teaches the ninjas the joys of childhood mirth and gift-giving, and the ninjas teach Santa how to fight and snap a man's neck with just three fingers.
Meanwhile in the rest of the world, everyone is mourning and lamenting the loss of Santa Claus. At the North Pole, he's listed as MIA, but no one holds hope. The toy companies revel in the apparent death of their rival, and the world wonders about next Christmas.
All this time Santa is training and preparing with the ninjas for next Christmas' inevitable showdown, and by the time the holidays roll around again, Santa is ready to fight and the ninjas are going to back him up. The ninjas are going to act as Santa's helpers and deliver presents to the children of the world (delivered the only way ninjas know how). And the kids on the Naughty list get a real special Christmas lesson.
And there's the climactic confrontation between Santa and the toy company execs, rescuing the hostages (elves and Mrs. Claus) the businessmen have taken, and the unveiling of the soon-to-be famous "Sword of the Fat Man" katana decorated in a grip wrap of red and white. And when it's all over, Santa and his clan have a renewed sense of Christmas joy and the movie ends in the warm-n-fuzzy celebration that any good 80's movie finishes off with.
Political Correctness is the idea that you can foster tolerance in a diverse world through the intolerance of anything that strays from a clinical standard.