06-17-2004, 04:14 PM
The following Satire deplores the barbaric actions of heaven in Diablo 2.
In the interests of preserving international law, I find myself obligated as a citizen of the world to denounce the unlawful practices of "Heaven" against the sovereign world of "Hell".
Baal is dead and his regime is fallen. But now look at the quagmire we are in because of the war. The world stone was destroyed by the forces of Heaven causing untold millions of civilian deaths around the world, added to the deaths on both sides caused by the war itself, and for what?!
According to Heaven's spokesman Tyreal, Baal posed an "Imminant threat" to our world. He spoke broadly about fire and brimstone and about how Baal intended to use the "World Stone" to mount an invasion of the Earth Plane which would eventually threaten heaven itself.
But what evidence do we have of this? Where are the invasion forces? Oh dead? And what's this? A small group of up to 8 people slayed the entire "invasion force"? Some threat that was. Tyreal obviously lied when he exagerated the threat posed by Baal and his Brothers.
Indeed some claim what was seen as an "invasion force" was merely a large group of domestic police needed to keep watch over the billions of illegal immigrants Heaven shoves down Hell's throats over the years.
In fact an independant investigatory committee found no "hard evidence" that Hell ever intended to invade the Earth Plane much less pose a direct threat to heaven. Most of heaven's so called intelligence comes from the testamony of insurgents captured in Hell like Izual. This being on closer investigation is actually an angel and as such his credibility is nil.
At this point it is interesting to note that Heaven failed to attain a UN security council vote in favor of action. It never the less decided to "go it alone" with its so called "coalition" contributing a mere 8 troops.
Now lets take a look at the atrocities committed by the occupying powers. We have actual photos of Heaven's allies standing over a freshly butchered pregnant mother and her babies:
http://db.calcon.net/diabloii/sshots/282.jpg
Disgusting. And Heaven claims to be on the "good side".
Furthermore we have documentation of prison abuse in violation of the Geneva conventions. Tal Rasha was never given a fair trial, and was always a law abiding citizen of a country that was even allied with Heaven. Yet they bound him with hard iron chains, deprived him of food for years, and kept him sorrounded by bright and burning lava which kept him awake and in agony for years. And they claim that isnt torture. Just look how Tal Rasha is writhing in agony in the films Blizzard published when they caught it on tape with a secret cameraman following Diablo and that little cowardly guy.
Such acts only encourage Hell to commit atrocities in retaliation.
Now I am not claiming Diablo or his brothers were good guys. Sure we have documentation that he killed and tortured millions. But in their weakened state following their earlier defeats, they were clearly no threat to heaven. Why then did heaven invade Hell? One simple reason:
GEOTHERMAL POWER.
It takes a lot of power to light up heaven which refuses to conserve energy by turning off its insanely bright lights which burn at all hours of the day. Obviously Hell's abundance of Lava makes for a perfect power source to feed the greedy Heavenly beings who live in a self proclaimed state of "perfect bliss" for all eternity. How dare they sit contentedly on their golden seats while billions starve and die in Hell. Yet they then have the nerve to invade Hell and steal thermal power to further their decadence.
What evidence is there of this? Well lets take a look at Heaven's leader, God (who coincidentally was never elected to rule over heaven). He emits so much light that people are said to go blind when they look at him. Furthermore, he is the single largest shareholder of all Heaven's power companies, in fact owning 100% of all Heavenly assets. Would he not stand to gain enormously from the geothermal power to be gained from Hell? Of course he would. Which is why God pushed for war against Hell.
The UN should vote to condem the unlawful acts of Heaven against the sovereign world of Hell.
Swiped (with permission) from "Royal Assassin3".
In the interests of preserving international law, I find myself obligated as a citizen of the world to denounce the unlawful practices of "Heaven" against the sovereign world of "Hell".
Baal is dead and his regime is fallen. But now look at the quagmire we are in because of the war. The world stone was destroyed by the forces of Heaven causing untold millions of civilian deaths around the world, added to the deaths on both sides caused by the war itself, and for what?!
According to Heaven's spokesman Tyreal, Baal posed an "Imminant threat" to our world. He spoke broadly about fire and brimstone and about how Baal intended to use the "World Stone" to mount an invasion of the Earth Plane which would eventually threaten heaven itself.
But what evidence do we have of this? Where are the invasion forces? Oh dead? And what's this? A small group of up to 8 people slayed the entire "invasion force"? Some threat that was. Tyreal obviously lied when he exagerated the threat posed by Baal and his Brothers.
Indeed some claim what was seen as an "invasion force" was merely a large group of domestic police needed to keep watch over the billions of illegal immigrants Heaven shoves down Hell's throats over the years.
In fact an independant investigatory committee found no "hard evidence" that Hell ever intended to invade the Earth Plane much less pose a direct threat to heaven. Most of heaven's so called intelligence comes from the testamony of insurgents captured in Hell like Izual. This being on closer investigation is actually an angel and as such his credibility is nil.
At this point it is interesting to note that Heaven failed to attain a UN security council vote in favor of action. It never the less decided to "go it alone" with its so called "coalition" contributing a mere 8 troops.
Now lets take a look at the atrocities committed by the occupying powers. We have actual photos of Heaven's allies standing over a freshly butchered pregnant mother and her babies:
http://db.calcon.net/diabloii/sshots/282.jpg
Disgusting. And Heaven claims to be on the "good side".
Furthermore we have documentation of prison abuse in violation of the Geneva conventions. Tal Rasha was never given a fair trial, and was always a law abiding citizen of a country that was even allied with Heaven. Yet they bound him with hard iron chains, deprived him of food for years, and kept him sorrounded by bright and burning lava which kept him awake and in agony for years. And they claim that isnt torture. Just look how Tal Rasha is writhing in agony in the films Blizzard published when they caught it on tape with a secret cameraman following Diablo and that little cowardly guy.
Such acts only encourage Hell to commit atrocities in retaliation.
Now I am not claiming Diablo or his brothers were good guys. Sure we have documentation that he killed and tortured millions. But in their weakened state following their earlier defeats, they were clearly no threat to heaven. Why then did heaven invade Hell? One simple reason:
GEOTHERMAL POWER.
It takes a lot of power to light up heaven which refuses to conserve energy by turning off its insanely bright lights which burn at all hours of the day. Obviously Hell's abundance of Lava makes for a perfect power source to feed the greedy Heavenly beings who live in a self proclaimed state of "perfect bliss" for all eternity. How dare they sit contentedly on their golden seats while billions starve and die in Hell. Yet they then have the nerve to invade Hell and steal thermal power to further their decadence.
What evidence is there of this? Well lets take a look at Heaven's leader, God (who coincidentally was never elected to rule over heaven). He emits so much light that people are said to go blind when they look at him. Furthermore, he is the single largest shareholder of all Heaven's power companies, in fact owning 100% of all Heavenly assets. Would he not stand to gain enormously from the geothermal power to be gained from Hell? Of course he would. Which is why God pushed for war against Hell.
The UN should vote to condem the unlawful acts of Heaven against the sovereign world of Hell.
Swiped (with permission) from "Royal Assassin3".