Time for more jokes

[Jonathon Spectre]

I was out playing golf one day and doing terrible when this frog jumped over next to my tee. I looked at him a moment, as he was a very bright green. Suddenly, he went, "Ribbit. Nine iron. Ribbit."

I could scarcely believe my ears. I knelt down and looked at him and AGAIN he said, plain as day, "Ribbit. Nine iron. Ribbit."

I took out my nine iron, hit the ball, and got a perfect hole in one. I looked at the frog and laughed, then gathered up my stuff and headed to the next hole. I was choosing my club when I heard a voice at my feet.

"Ribbit. Three wood. Ribbit."

Again I chose the frog's club, and again, a perfect hole in one. This happened for the remaining ten holes of golf. The frog picked the club, I made the shot, hole in one, every time. At the end of the day, delirious with happiness, I picked the frog up and said, "What now, frog?" I was not prepared for his answer.

"Ribbit. Go to Vegas. Ribbit."

I followed my instincts (and the frog's instructions) and headed out to the desert. Once we got to the famous Las Vegas strip, the frog said, "Ribbit. Mirage Hotel and Casino. Ribbit."

So we went to the Mirage Hotel and Casino. When we got inside, I looked at the frog. He looked bored, but said, "Ribbit. Roulette. Ribbit."

I moseyed over to the roulette table and watched it a minute. The frog said, "Ribbit. Red seven. Ribbit."

I put $100 on red seven and what do you know! It hit! That made me a cool $3600.

"Ribbit. Let it ride. Ribbit."

And so I did. For almost two hours I played roulette with my fortune-telling frog, until I was worth a vast sum of money and two thick-necked men had come 'round to explain that "you ain't playin' no more tonight, got it?" I stood there, exhausted and jubilant, and then looked at my frog. "What now?"

"Ribbit. Get us a room. Ribbit."

That was a great idea, so I went and rented us the "high roller" suite, and then made my way upstairs. What luxury! Leather couches! Huge bed! Hot tub! "What now, frog?"

"Ribbit. Take me to the bathroom. Ribbit."

I carried the frog into the bathroom.

"Ribbit. Put me in the tub and turn on the warm water. Ribbit."

I did so.

"Ribbit. Kiss me. Ribbit."

I thought about that one a moment, but the frog did change my life hugely for the better, so after just a moment I leaned down and planted one right on the frog's green lips. And lo and behold! An instant later smoke swirled around the frog and it vanished, and in the frog's place was a naked teenage girl!

And THAT, your Honor, is how that naked teenage girl came to be in the shower in my hotel room, or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.

JS