Time for more jokes

[ShadowHM]

When I need a chuckle, Terry Pratchett is a font of them.

You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was "But we've always done it this way." A million dead people can't have been wrong, can they?

-- Traditions justified

For the long-married among us:

Sam Vimes could parallel-process. Most husbands could. They learn to follow their own line of thought while at the same time listening to what their wives say. And the listening is important, because at any time they could be challenged and must be ready to quote the last sentence in full.

For those who fail to suffer appropriate paranoia:

Carrot: "There has never been an authenticated case of an unprovoked wolf attacking an adult human being."
Gaspode: "An' that's good, is it?"
Carrot: "What do you mean?"
Gaspode: "We-el, o'course us dogs only has little brains, but it seems to me that what you just said was pretty much the same as sayin' 'no unprovokin' adult human bein' has ever returned to tell the tale,' right? I mean, your wolf has just got to make sure they kill people in quiet places where no one'll ever know, yes?"
Carrot: "I wish you hadn't said that, Gaspode."
Gaspode: "You wish I hadn't said it?"

On reality and sexual fantasy:

He'd noticed that sex bore some resembalance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination -- but at the end of the day they'd settle quite happily for egg and chips.  If it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato.

On the fundamental flaw of democracy:

Vimes had once discussed the Ephebian idea of 'democracy' with Carrot, and had been rather interested in the idea that everyone had a vote until he found out that while he, Vimes, would have a vote, there was no way in the rules that anyone could prevent Nobby Nobbs from having one as well. Vimes could see the flaw there straight away.

Or this gem to live by:

"But you know what they say, lad. 'Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.'"

I could go on and on......

But I do owe Mr. Pratchett a great deal of thanks for improving my outlook on the world so many times and in so many ways.

edit- checking tags only, per Shadow's request