If Dr Suess wrote technical manuals:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes the floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavey as a Souse,
Then you might as well re-boot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you'll have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom.
There's a patrol of soldiers walking through a forest, and they come to a clearing. In the clearing is a massive tree, covered in bacon and gammon, and the like. Well, after pinching themselves a few times, and eating a few rashers, the return to base and report to their CO. "Well, sir, we found this tree, with bacon & gammon & pork chops, and such delicious things".
The CO replies, "That ain't no tree boys, that's an 'am-bush"
You know the chappy who proposed that light was emitted in quanta? (German fellow)
Do you know why he was smarter than his two younger brothers when they were kids?
Because they were thick as two short Plancks.
*hangs head in shame at the quality of own joke*
Ok, there's this woman, in the 1960's and she takes part in some shameful fornication, and, 9 months later, gives birth to twins, 2 boys, infact. As was the done thing for unmarried mothers in those days, she put them up for adoption. They were split up and one went to an Egyptian family, and the other to a spanish couple. They named the boys themselves, the Egyptians called their little boy Immal, and the Spaniards called theirs Juan. Well, a few years later, many years, to be more precise. A few weeks ago, to be MORE precise. The woman wanted to find out what had happened to her twin boys. After tracing them down, the adoption agency managed to get a phototgraph of Juan for his mother to so how her young lad, who she'd let go all those years ago had grown up. Well, after looking at the picture for a few minutes, she turned to the person from the adoption services and asked if they had a photo of Immal.
"oh, there'd be no point in that", said the man "when you've seen Juan, you've seen Immal."
-Bob
edit: typos & last joke added
edit2: typo-city tonight
edit3:
Thought you might like to see this site.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes the floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavey as a Souse,
Then you might as well re-boot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you'll have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom.
There's a patrol of soldiers walking through a forest, and they come to a clearing. In the clearing is a massive tree, covered in bacon and gammon, and the like. Well, after pinching themselves a few times, and eating a few rashers, the return to base and report to their CO. "Well, sir, we found this tree, with bacon & gammon & pork chops, and such delicious things".
The CO replies, "That ain't no tree boys, that's an 'am-bush"
You know the chappy who proposed that light was emitted in quanta? (German fellow)
Do you know why he was smarter than his two younger brothers when they were kids?
Because they were thick as two short Plancks.
*hangs head in shame at the quality of own joke*
Ok, there's this woman, in the 1960's and she takes part in some shameful fornication, and, 9 months later, gives birth to twins, 2 boys, infact. As was the done thing for unmarried mothers in those days, she put them up for adoption. They were split up and one went to an Egyptian family, and the other to a spanish couple. They named the boys themselves, the Egyptians called their little boy Immal, and the Spaniards called theirs Juan. Well, a few years later, many years, to be more precise. A few weeks ago, to be MORE precise. The woman wanted to find out what had happened to her twin boys. After tracing them down, the adoption agency managed to get a phototgraph of Juan for his mother to so how her young lad, who she'd let go all those years ago had grown up. Well, after looking at the picture for a few minutes, she turned to the person from the adoption services and asked if they had a photo of Immal.
"oh, there'd be no point in that", said the man "when you've seen Juan, you've seen Immal."
-Bob
edit: typos & last joke added
edit2: typo-city tonight
edit3:
Thought you might like to see this site.