Free bleach!

[LochnarITB]

Angel,May 3 2004, 10:30 AM]I would be very thankful if, in the future, someone reads a post of mine and is horribly disgusted or offended, they ask me to clarify or to look at what I've written before going off in a tantrum :)

Sorry for the misunderstanding, Lochnar. There's not a shred of socio-darwinism in me.

Please don't dismiss this as simply a tantrum. I do apologize for the reply being directed at you. The reply is actually directed at the feeling that is still prevelant in society today. That you made the reply without feeling it might offend anyone is an indicator of that societal belief. To have addressed it to you privately would not have opened the possibility of discussion. Now I will go into one of my usual long winded rambling explanations of where I am coming from and why it is something to which I would react.

The real thing about the message that struck me was the, probably unintended, phrasing "deal with". I give you the definition of deal, from Merriam-Webster OnLine, that I think applies:

Main Entry: 2deal
Function: verb
.....
intransitive senses
.....
4 a : to take action with regard to someone or something <deal with an offender> b : to reach or try to reach a state of acceptance or reconcilement <trying to deal with her son's death>

Even assuming the second definition, to paraphrase your statement would be to say "I don't know how to accept retarded people. (Or morbidly obese people for that matter.)"

Two categories of people were indicated in your message. The first was retarded people. Although some here might disagree, I don't fit in that category. I have had family members who have struggled with mental health issues, but not retardation. I have, however, met many fine people who did happen to be mentally challenged. They tended to be much more accepting and understanding of others than is the majority of society. They also tended to strive to do their absolute best at what they were allowed to do. They also tended to be institutionalized because family could not "deal" with them. BTW, where in that avatar is the sign that says "I am retarded"? You made an assumption based on look and actions only.

The other category is the morbidly obese. As has been discussed (or at least intimated) here before, I do fit this category as do many of my family. I have lived this way my entire life. At 3 days old, my mother could not comfort me and the doctor suggested she start feeding me cereal. Food has been my comfort and companion since. Food is as much of an addiction as would be alchohol or any other drug. The difference is that food can't be dealt with through abstinence as can alchohol or any other drug of choice. Any experiments at completely removing food consumption tends to shorten the life of the test subject considerably. Food must be moderated. Imagine telling an alchoholic that he must consume 2 whiskey shots 3 times a day, no more, no less. That would not work but yet it must work with food addiction.

As to the earlier definition, I have had many incidents of people dealing with me using the former - take action with regard to. I have had words and objects thrown at me from moving vehicles. I have been attacked. Walking into a room or through the mall draws stares and pointed fingers and titters. Trying to do otherwise normal things such as fit into a car, stadium or airplane seat comfortably can be difficult or impossible. Finding clothing that shows any sense of class or self and still fits well is expensive, if even possible. It is a difficult way to live but I try to make the best of it I can.

The timing of your message was also unfortunate. Although it has been very difficult and the odds are extremely against me maintaining it, I have lost 116 pounds over the past year. It has taken extreme effort. I have to constantly consider the nutritional needs of my body and ignore the emotional desires when choosing what to eat. I have to take the time to make sure I am getting good fuel for my body. I can't just take a pass through the drive-thru to grab a couple thousand calories like it is so easy to do these days. Although I still have a long way to go, I am to the point where it is necessary to start dealing with some of the ravages my weight has performed on my body. As I sit here, I am on oxycontin pain killer and I have a couple hundred staples and 2 wound drains in my body as the aftermath of 4 days in the hospital last week for an operation to make corrections to my changing body. There will be more of this in my future too.

If you have read this , thank you for listening. I hope I have not come across as someone who simply has a chip on my shoulder. I have lived this my entire life. I have not felt accepted for the person inside by any but those very close to me. As our society gets larger and larger, perhaps people will become more accepting as "they" become "us". I can only hope and advocate for it to happen.