Hi,
While I suspect that everyone here has heard these before, maybe they'll still get at least a smile :)
Metaphysical ponderings:
Why did god play such a joke on men? She gave them two heads, and only enough blood to use one at a time.
Battle of the sexes:
A little boy and a little girl were walking in a country lane discussing which was better, boys or girls. The discussion had been going on for a long time, neither side pulling ahead. Finally, the little boy pulled down his pants and and with a victorious smile said, "Well, I've got one of these."
The little girl looked, shrugged, lifted her skirt and said, "Well, I've got one of these, and with one of these I can get all of *those* that I want."
Conservation of energy.
Two bulls were standing on a hill overlooking a pasture. After a while the young bull said, "Let's run down the hill and mount a cow."
The old bull thought about it for a second and replied, "Let's *walk* down the hill and mount them all."
And finally, a cultural song:
A Scotsman dressed in kilt left a bar one evening fair,
And one could tell by the way he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He stumbled down the road until he could no longer keep his feet,
Then he staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
He staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Just then two young and lovely lasses happened by.
One said to the other with a twinkle in her eye,
"See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built,
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt."
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilts
They creped up on that Scotsman just as quiet as could be,
And lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
And there before their eyes to see beneath his Scottish skirt,
Was nothing more than god had graced him with at birth.
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
Was nothing more than god had graced him with at birth.
They marveled for a moment and one said, "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
About the star of Scotland that the lifted kilt did show.
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
About the star of Scotland that the lifted kilt did show.
The Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled for the trees.
Behind a bush he lifts his skirt and gawks at what he sees.
And in a voice of wonderment says to what's before his eyes,
"Ach, lad I don't know where you been but I see you've won first prize!"
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
"Ach, lad I don't know where you been but I see you've won first prize!"
--Pete
While I suspect that everyone here has heard these before, maybe they'll still get at least a smile :)
Metaphysical ponderings:
Why did god play such a joke on men? She gave them two heads, and only enough blood to use one at a time.
Battle of the sexes:
A little boy and a little girl were walking in a country lane discussing which was better, boys or girls. The discussion had been going on for a long time, neither side pulling ahead. Finally, the little boy pulled down his pants and and with a victorious smile said, "Well, I've got one of these."
The little girl looked, shrugged, lifted her skirt and said, "Well, I've got one of these, and with one of these I can get all of *those* that I want."
Conservation of energy.
Two bulls were standing on a hill overlooking a pasture. After a while the young bull said, "Let's run down the hill and mount a cow."
The old bull thought about it for a second and replied, "Let's *walk* down the hill and mount them all."
And finally, a cultural song:
A Scotsman dressed in kilt left a bar one evening fair,
And one could tell by the way he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He stumbled down the road until he could no longer keep his feet,
Then he staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
He staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Just then two young and lovely lasses happened by.
One said to the other with a twinkle in her eye,
"See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built,
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt."
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilts
They creped up on that Scotsman just as quiet as could be,
And lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
And there before their eyes to see beneath his Scottish skirt,
Was nothing more than god had graced him with at birth.
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
Was nothing more than god had graced him with at birth.
They marveled for a moment and one said, "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
About the star of Scotland that the lifted kilt did show.
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
About the star of Scotland that the lifted kilt did show.
The Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled for the trees.
Behind a bush he lifts his skirt and gawks at what he sees.
And in a voice of wonderment says to what's before his eyes,
"Ach, lad I don't know where you been but I see you've won first prize!"
Ring ding didl iddly oh ring ding diddle ay ah
"Ach, lad I don't know where you been but I see you've won first prize!"
--Pete
How big was the aquarium in Noah's ark?