11-09-2003, 07:41 AM
Somehow you overlooked one:
L-O-D-ism: You are new in town and you see a red portal. You enter it and immediately die, but not before seeing 246 very angry, armed cows who moo something about you eating filet mignon. You think you lost out on some grand experience, so you re-enter the portal, recover your mutilated corpse and proceed to make hamburger. You were right; the bar-be-que was worth the experience.
And now, a word from out sponsors: (from http://www.humormatters.com/newspaper.htm )
Classifieds:
1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer
Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days.
Free puppies...part German shepherd part dog
2 wire mesh butchering gloves, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15
Tickle me elmo, still in box, comes with it's own 1988 mustang, 5l, auto, excellent condition $6800
Cows, calves never bred... also 1 gay bull for sale.
'83 Toyota hunchback -- $2000
Star Wars job of the hut -- $15
Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog
Free Yorkshire terrier. 8 years old. unpleasant little dog.
Soft & genital bath tissues or facial tissue89 cents
German shepherd. 85 lbs. neutered. speaks German. free.
Full sized mattress. 20 yr warranty. like new. slight urine smell.
Free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 br 2 bth home.
For sale: lee majors (6 million dollar man)$50
Nordic track $300hardly used call chubbie
Bill's septic cleaning"we haul American made products"
Shakespeare's pizza free chopsticks
Found: dirty white dog...looks like a rat...been out awhile...better be reward.
Hummels largest selection ever"if it's in stock, we have it!"
Get a little john: the traveling urinal holds 2 1/2 bottles of beer.
Nice parachute never opened used once slightly stained
Free: farm kittens. ready to eat.
American flag60 stars pole included$100
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? we offer profit sharing and
flexible hours. starting pay: $7$9 per hour.
Notice: to person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87
near southridge storage. please return the pumpkin and be checked. pumpkin
may be radioactive. all other plants in vicinity are dead.
Exercise equipment: queen size mattress & box spring -$175.
Our sofa seats the whole mob and it's made of 100% Italian leather.
Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer$300.
Actual ad in the NY Times (fact or fiction :o)
FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition.$1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend.Wife knows everything.
L-O-D-ism: You are new in town and you see a red portal. You enter it and immediately die, but not before seeing 246 very angry, armed cows who moo something about you eating filet mignon. You think you lost out on some grand experience, so you re-enter the portal, recover your mutilated corpse and proceed to make hamburger. You were right; the bar-be-que was worth the experience.
And now, a word from out sponsors: (from http://www.humormatters.com/newspaper.htm )
Classifieds:
1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer
Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days.
Free puppies...part German shepherd part dog
2 wire mesh butchering gloves, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15
Tickle me elmo, still in box, comes with it's own 1988 mustang, 5l, auto, excellent condition $6800
Cows, calves never bred... also 1 gay bull for sale.
'83 Toyota hunchback -- $2000
Star Wars job of the hut -- $15
Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog
Free Yorkshire terrier. 8 years old. unpleasant little dog.
Soft & genital bath tissues or facial tissue89 cents
German shepherd. 85 lbs. neutered. speaks German. free.
Full sized mattress. 20 yr warranty. like new. slight urine smell.
Free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 br 2 bth home.
For sale: lee majors (6 million dollar man)$50
Nordic track $300hardly used call chubbie
Bill's septic cleaning"we haul American made products"
Shakespeare's pizza free chopsticks
Found: dirty white dog...looks like a rat...been out awhile...better be reward.
Hummels largest selection ever"if it's in stock, we have it!"
Get a little john: the traveling urinal holds 2 1/2 bottles of beer.
Nice parachute never opened used once slightly stained
Free: farm kittens. ready to eat.
American flag60 stars pole included$100
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? we offer profit sharing and
flexible hours. starting pay: $7$9 per hour.
Notice: to person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87
near southridge storage. please return the pumpkin and be checked. pumpkin
may be radioactive. all other plants in vicinity are dead.
Exercise equipment: queen size mattress & box spring -$175.
Our sofa seats the whole mob and it's made of 100% Italian leather.
Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer$300.
Actual ad in the NY Times (fact or fiction :o)
FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition.$1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend.Wife knows everything.