10-22-2003, 05:44 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-22-2003, 05:55 PM by Occhidiangela.)
It only takes five years to go from rumor to standard operating procedure.
Landing on a carrier ship during the daytime is like sex, it's either good or it's great.
Landing on a carrier at night is like a trip to the dentist: you may get away with no pain, but you just don't feel comfortable.
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good s---. A night carrier landing is an opportunity to experience all three at the same time.
Unknown landing signal officer to a carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing.
"You've got to land here, son, this is where the food is."
"Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV. " A DC-9 captain trainee
attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' A-320.
An FAA check ride ought to be like a skirt: short enough to be interesting but still be long enough to cover everything
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance.
No one has ever collided with the sky.
A "GOOD" landing is one from which you can walk away. A "GREAT" landing is one after which you can use the airplane again
It only takes three things to fly: airspeed, lift, and money.
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
If it doesn't work, rename it. If that doesn't help, the new name isn't
long enough.
From a letter home: "Please don't tell Mum I'm a pilot, she thinks I play piano in a
whorehouse."
Will Rogers never met a fighter pilot.
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engine usually quits whining when it gets to the gate.
If it's ugly, it's British; if it's weird, it's French; and if it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
New FAA motto: We're not happy until you're not happy. (NTSA has that engraved on its founding documents.)
A copilot is a knot head until he spots opposite direction traffic at 2 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.
Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
The three most dangerous things in aviation are a doctor in a Bonanza, two captains in a DC-9, and a flight attendant with a chipped tooth.
"I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale." Pilot to copilot on a Southwest Airlines Flight to San Diego on fine evening.
Pilots are just plane people with a special air about them.
Basic Flying Rules
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it. \
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,
buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult
to fly there.
4. Pull stick back, buildings get small. Push sticks forward, building get big. You are right side up, and still flying.
5. Pull stick back, buildings get larger: YOU ARE UPSIDE DOWN. Dont Try to land until you have rolled right side up!
Helicopters don't so much fly as they beat the air into submission.
Welcome to a new co-pilot from an old captain. "Son, your wife's legs have more time in the air than you do. "
Blonde Helicopter Pilot Joke
A very "blonde" pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio.
So up the blonde went.
She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay.
As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out. "What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"
"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the big fan."
Landing on a carrier ship during the daytime is like sex, it's either good or it's great.
Landing on a carrier at night is like a trip to the dentist: you may get away with no pain, but you just don't feel comfortable.
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good s---. A night carrier landing is an opportunity to experience all three at the same time.
Unknown landing signal officer to a carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing.
"You've got to land here, son, this is where the food is."
"Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV. " A DC-9 captain trainee
attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' A-320.
An FAA check ride ought to be like a skirt: short enough to be interesting but still be long enough to cover everything
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance.
No one has ever collided with the sky.
A "GOOD" landing is one from which you can walk away. A "GREAT" landing is one after which you can use the airplane again
It only takes three things to fly: airspeed, lift, and money.
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
If it doesn't work, rename it. If that doesn't help, the new name isn't
long enough.
From a letter home: "Please don't tell Mum I'm a pilot, she thinks I play piano in a
whorehouse."
Will Rogers never met a fighter pilot.
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engine usually quits whining when it gets to the gate.
If it's ugly, it's British; if it's weird, it's French; and if it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
New FAA motto: We're not happy until you're not happy. (NTSA has that engraved on its founding documents.)
A copilot is a knot head until he spots opposite direction traffic at 2 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.
Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
The three most dangerous things in aviation are a doctor in a Bonanza, two captains in a DC-9, and a flight attendant with a chipped tooth.
"I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale." Pilot to copilot on a Southwest Airlines Flight to San Diego on fine evening.
Pilots are just plane people with a special air about them.
Basic Flying Rules
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it. \
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,
buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult
to fly there.
4. Pull stick back, buildings get small. Push sticks forward, building get big. You are right side up, and still flying.
5. Pull stick back, buildings get larger: YOU ARE UPSIDE DOWN. Dont Try to land until you have rolled right side up!
Helicopters don't so much fly as they beat the air into submission.
Welcome to a new co-pilot from an old captain. "Son, your wife's legs have more time in the air than you do. "
Blonde Helicopter Pilot Joke
A very "blonde" pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio.
So up the blonde went.
She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay.
As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out. "What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"
"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the big fan."
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete