10-15-2003, 03:44 PM
*Sound of Martel de Fer Beating on a large Beer Keg*
Sgt At Arms Aww Ten-Shun!!!! The Great and Indomitable Greiz has entered the Hall!!
*The Great One (here after referred to as TGO) strides to the bench at the head of the long hall, take his seat, and stares at the Baliiff, Xan the Legionaire*
TGO OK, where is that miscreant legionaire, OcchiD'Merc? And what kind of name is that anyway? Sounds French, and we are NOT the lame French Foreign Legion, we are MY LEGION! Get that pike fiddling grunt up here, ASAP!!!
Sgt Sarisa Chargee is present, sir!
(to the Corporal) Five steps forward, Harch!!!
*OcchiD'Merc marches smartly forward, only to trip on the butt of a Yari casually slid in front of his foot by Sgt Pygmy. The corporal falls flat on his face, in front of Greiz.
TGO Stand up, Maggot! Only craven Kurastians prostrate them selves in front of their leader! You are a Legionaire of Greiz, WHICH MEANS YOU STAND TALL, LIKE A PIKE ON PARADE!
*OcchiD'Merc scrambles to his feet, and could swear he hears 'Or like a Woody on Viagra' somewhere behind him*
OcchiD'Merc Corporal OcchiD'Merc reporting to Summary Court Martial as ordered, oh Great and Indomitable Greiz!
TGO Bailiff, read the Charges!!
Bailiff On the night of November 9th, while in combat with enemy forces in the Tamoe Highlands, Corporal OcchiD'Merc was witnessed to have commited the following offenses to GreizRegulations 4501.23, 4501.78 and 4501.69, to the detriment of the Legion. To whit:
1) He stood in an encampment, flirting with a Rogue archer, while his fellow Legionaires bled horribly in the Pit. His excuse that he was 'summoned' by his spouse does not explain the recently reported pregnancy of one of Kashya's rogues, for which the Legion is being charged hefty medical payments in damages.
2) He was witnessed by SGT Pygmy to have imitated our sworn enemies, the Dune Leapers, on the second level of the Pit, by jumping over an axe weilding and corrupted rogue in an attempt at a vertical envelopment. This is directly against regulation 4501.78, in the Greiz Regulations, which prohibits such treasonous acitivity by any Legionaire, even those rabbit-mating nomads from the north like the Corporal.
*Sgt Pygmy makes rude gesture to the Bailiff, and puts two fingers up behind Legionaire Shattershaft's head, imitating a bunny.*
3) He failed to refresh his own communications portal, blue, upon entering a deep flanking position against a horde of Bow weilding corrupted rogues, thereby closing off the envelopment that had cost the Legion so much blood to create. His subsequent "ice cream run" at the behest of his alleged spouse cost the platoon his spear, and made them bleed while he feasted on Nutty Buddies.
TOG *Slams forehead to the table in front of him*
FerCharissakes, it is so hard to Find Good Help these cays!!! Coporal, what do you have to say in your defense?
OcchiD'Merc Uh, well Shattershaft said we couldnt do it, assault the Pit, so we had to do it to prove how brave we are, and we did and I had to get the kids ice cream and I didn't mean to close the portal and I figured jumping over that ambush at the bottom of the stairs would be a good tactic and . . . uh, I didn't get to eat any ice cream . . . uh, and
The Kid Is Not Mine, sir!
I used proper protection, per Legion Regulation 6981.02: a Legionairre shall always put a protective covering on his Pike when penetrating humid or moist environments! It wasn't me, Oh Great and Honorable Greiz, it was that Paladin, ISOHoly who got that girl pregnant, with all of his smooth talk and courtly manners . . .
TGO SILENCE, Corporal!!!! Sgt Sarissa, has this man been drinking?
Sgt Sarisa Like a fish, sir, ever since the raid, in keeping with GreizRegulation 9800.45: "All Legionaires, when not actually at their posts, are to gather recruits, intelligence and opportunities for profit at likely locations in campaign areas, such as taverns, bazaars, market places, and nunneries."
He has been attempting to gather more intelligence via the well known powers of Catcus Extract, known to the locals of Lut Gholein as Tequila, which imbues the imbiber with threefold intelligence, at least from his perspective.
Sir, I suggest that the corporal's efforts to raise his intelligence are commendable in spirit, but at this point, unsuccessful in application.
TGO Intelligence? The corporal couldn't raise his intelligence with a crane! Right, does anyone have anything else to say, either for or against the chagree, before I pass sentence?
Shattershaft I told them they would bleed and die if they went into that hole, but did anyone listen to me? Nooo, and certainly not the corporal -- Hey, that's wet!!!!!
*Sgt Pygmy "accidentally" spills his flagon of meade down Shattershaft's back, inside his armor.*
TGO Right! Enough discussion, I now pass sentence:
For the impregnating of a rogue:
Who cares, there are slovenly trollops anyway, and no one really knows who the father is. Kashya can bite my arse.
For dogging it while the platoon was in combat?
25 lashes
For Jumping like a Rabbit of the Northlands
YOU LOSE A STRIPE! Lance Corporal OcchiD'Merc, haven't we been through this before? Sgt Pygmy, give this idiot a silver piece, so he can go out an buy a clue.
For Closing your flanking route:
No Beer for a Week!!
*Lance Corporal OcchiD'Merc's eyes bulge out, and he collapses in a heap*
OcchiD'Merc No Beer for a Week? I shall die! Arrrggghhhhhhh!
TGO Sergeant Sarisa, take this Legionaire away, and give him the Lashes. Sgt Pygmy, get that stripe off of his sleeve as soon as this court is adjourned.
I, Greiz, have had enough of this incompetence, it is hurting the bottom line.
*Greiz stroms out of Hall.*
Bailiff Dismissed!!!
*A general melee erupts as McFRugal grabs Xan, and Sasquatt slaps his hand away, while Sarisa grins laciviously at OcchiD'Merc, who is still staring numbly in shock over the "zero beer" sentence.
In the Legion of Greiz, life's hard, and then you die: no mercy.
Sgt At Arms Aww Ten-Shun!!!! The Great and Indomitable Greiz has entered the Hall!!
*The Great One (here after referred to as TGO) strides to the bench at the head of the long hall, take his seat, and stares at the Baliiff, Xan the Legionaire*
TGO OK, where is that miscreant legionaire, OcchiD'Merc? And what kind of name is that anyway? Sounds French, and we are NOT the lame French Foreign Legion, we are MY LEGION! Get that pike fiddling grunt up here, ASAP!!!
Sgt Sarisa Chargee is present, sir!
(to the Corporal) Five steps forward, Harch!!!
*OcchiD'Merc marches smartly forward, only to trip on the butt of a Yari casually slid in front of his foot by Sgt Pygmy. The corporal falls flat on his face, in front of Greiz.
TGO Stand up, Maggot! Only craven Kurastians prostrate them selves in front of their leader! You are a Legionaire of Greiz, WHICH MEANS YOU STAND TALL, LIKE A PIKE ON PARADE!
*OcchiD'Merc scrambles to his feet, and could swear he hears 'Or like a Woody on Viagra' somewhere behind him*
OcchiD'Merc Corporal OcchiD'Merc reporting to Summary Court Martial as ordered, oh Great and Indomitable Greiz!
TGO Bailiff, read the Charges!!
Bailiff On the night of November 9th, while in combat with enemy forces in the Tamoe Highlands, Corporal OcchiD'Merc was witnessed to have commited the following offenses to GreizRegulations 4501.23, 4501.78 and 4501.69, to the detriment of the Legion. To whit:
1) He stood in an encampment, flirting with a Rogue archer, while his fellow Legionaires bled horribly in the Pit. His excuse that he was 'summoned' by his spouse does not explain the recently reported pregnancy of one of Kashya's rogues, for which the Legion is being charged hefty medical payments in damages.
2) He was witnessed by SGT Pygmy to have imitated our sworn enemies, the Dune Leapers, on the second level of the Pit, by jumping over an axe weilding and corrupted rogue in an attempt at a vertical envelopment. This is directly against regulation 4501.78, in the Greiz Regulations, which prohibits such treasonous acitivity by any Legionaire, even those rabbit-mating nomads from the north like the Corporal.
*Sgt Pygmy makes rude gesture to the Bailiff, and puts two fingers up behind Legionaire Shattershaft's head, imitating a bunny.*
3) He failed to refresh his own communications portal, blue, upon entering a deep flanking position against a horde of Bow weilding corrupted rogues, thereby closing off the envelopment that had cost the Legion so much blood to create. His subsequent "ice cream run" at the behest of his alleged spouse cost the platoon his spear, and made them bleed while he feasted on Nutty Buddies.
TOG *Slams forehead to the table in front of him*
FerCharissakes, it is so hard to Find Good Help these cays!!! Coporal, what do you have to say in your defense?
OcchiD'Merc Uh, well Shattershaft said we couldnt do it, assault the Pit, so we had to do it to prove how brave we are, and we did and I had to get the kids ice cream and I didn't mean to close the portal and I figured jumping over that ambush at the bottom of the stairs would be a good tactic and . . . uh, I didn't get to eat any ice cream . . . uh, and
The Kid Is Not Mine, sir!
I used proper protection, per Legion Regulation 6981.02: a Legionairre shall always put a protective covering on his Pike when penetrating humid or moist environments! It wasn't me, Oh Great and Honorable Greiz, it was that Paladin, ISOHoly who got that girl pregnant, with all of his smooth talk and courtly manners . . .
TGO SILENCE, Corporal!!!! Sgt Sarissa, has this man been drinking?
Sgt Sarisa Like a fish, sir, ever since the raid, in keeping with GreizRegulation 9800.45: "All Legionaires, when not actually at their posts, are to gather recruits, intelligence and opportunities for profit at likely locations in campaign areas, such as taverns, bazaars, market places, and nunneries."
He has been attempting to gather more intelligence via the well known powers of Catcus Extract, known to the locals of Lut Gholein as Tequila, which imbues the imbiber with threefold intelligence, at least from his perspective.
Sir, I suggest that the corporal's efforts to raise his intelligence are commendable in spirit, but at this point, unsuccessful in application.
TGO Intelligence? The corporal couldn't raise his intelligence with a crane! Right, does anyone have anything else to say, either for or against the chagree, before I pass sentence?
Shattershaft I told them they would bleed and die if they went into that hole, but did anyone listen to me? Nooo, and certainly not the corporal -- Hey, that's wet!!!!!
*Sgt Pygmy "accidentally" spills his flagon of meade down Shattershaft's back, inside his armor.*
TGO Right! Enough discussion, I now pass sentence:
For the impregnating of a rogue:
Who cares, there are slovenly trollops anyway, and no one really knows who the father is. Kashya can bite my arse.
For dogging it while the platoon was in combat?
25 lashes
For Jumping like a Rabbit of the Northlands
YOU LOSE A STRIPE! Lance Corporal OcchiD'Merc, haven't we been through this before? Sgt Pygmy, give this idiot a silver piece, so he can go out an buy a clue.
For Closing your flanking route:
No Beer for a Week!!
*Lance Corporal OcchiD'Merc's eyes bulge out, and he collapses in a heap*
OcchiD'Merc No Beer for a Week? I shall die! Arrrggghhhhhhh!
TGO Sergeant Sarisa, take this Legionaire away, and give him the Lashes. Sgt Pygmy, get that stripe off of his sleeve as soon as this court is adjourned.
I, Greiz, have had enough of this incompetence, it is hurting the bottom line.
*Greiz stroms out of Hall.*
Bailiff Dismissed!!!
*A general melee erupts as McFRugal grabs Xan, and Sasquatt slaps his hand away, while Sarisa grins laciviously at OcchiD'Merc, who is still staring numbly in shock over the "zero beer" sentence.
In the Legion of Greiz, life's hard, and then you die: no mercy.
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete