Irene, the Infirm

[MongoJerry]

IRENE, THE INFIRM

While Irene, the sorceress apprentice, had a sickly pale face, her heart was full of strength and vigor. Her parents, who suspected that their daughter's time in Sanctuary would soon come to an end, sent her to study at the Rogue Monastery in the vain hope that intellectual stimulus would help their daughter stave off the mysterious illness that had been plaguing her.

Irene had just begun studying magic under the watchful eye of Akara, the head of the Rogue Order, when the Rogue Monastery was attacked by the forces of Andariel. Irene, Akara, and a few Rogues escaped and created a camp surrounded by a crude wooden barricade to shelter the remnants of the once proud Rogue Order from Andariel's hordes. However, everyone knew that their safety was only temporary, since scouts had reported that monsters were massing for an attack in a cave just outside of the camp.

At this point, Irene strolled up to Akara and in between fits of coughing announced, "I'm ready to go out and fight demons now. Where should I start?"

"But you don't know how to cast any spells!" said a stunned Akara. "In fact, we don't even know if you're capable of harnessing magical energies at all."

"That's OK," said Irene. "I'll figure something out."

"But you don't have any equipment," stammered Akara, "and you haven't been trained in even the basics of combat with weapons and armor."

"No problem," said Irene. "I grew up with brothers. I've learned how to deal a few punches. *cough* People say I have a nasty right hook. *cough* *cough*"

"But, what about your constitution?" responded Akara. "You can barely stand! How are you going to be able to fight?"

"Don't worry about me," said Irene. "I'll be fine. You'll see. I think I'll head out of camp now and punch some sense into some of the quill rats and zombies out there."

And so Irene, the Infirm, walked out of camp, while a disbelieving Akara could only stand there and watch.


A few days ago, Blackstrean started a thread titled "How underpowered can you go?" at diabloii.net in which he described the adventures of his assassin who never assigned a stat or skill point and yet made it through all of Act I normal. It was a fun post to read, and it got me thinking, "How underpowered can you go?" I think I have the answer: a fully naked, no skill or stat points assigned, punching sorceress.

The result is Irene, the Infirm. The rules she'll follow are:

1. No skill or stat points may ever be assigned.
2. She plays fully naked, including no charms or jewelry.
3. She plays in /player 1 mode.
4. She must get all waypoints and fulfill all quests in game order.
5. If she actually gets that far, any mercenary she gets must play naked as well.
6. She plays hardcore.

She does 1-2 points with her punches, and that's all the damage she will ever do. She will have life of 39+level, and that's all the life she'll ever have to work with.

So, feel free to speculate on how far she'll get. This should be fun, because obviously she's not going to make it all the way. However, it'll be fun to see how far she can get. And, even better, anybody can start their own characters at home and see if they can get farther than Irene does.

Yes, this is a silly character. I have another character of the Grizabella/Gunter/Maldar type who's in Act V normal right now. I don't know how long it'll take me to level up this character, because I'm awfully busy with homework right now. So, I figured I'd offer up this character as something to amuse people in the meantime.

Enjoy!