08-21-2003, 05:06 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-29-2003, 06:41 PM by Rhydderch Hael.)
Sorry, but I'm not in this one. Aside from the jokes surrounding incontinence and BBQ ribs, there's not much else to go on here :( . But it did remind me of a storyline scene I thought up for my abortive "Magnificent Seven" team variant, playing off the 'Shotgun on a Hearse' scene from the movie. Lines from which I attempted to incorporate into the caption contest.
![[Image: gtm00.jpg]](http://home.earthlink.net/~rhydderch/_uimages/gtm00.jpg)
Our Paladin Ranger players converge at an incident taking place in the middle of the camp. A Druid and a Barbarian are setting up to leave. A Necromancer, dressed in black, strolls up to the pair to drop 20 gold pieces to the ground, as well as an embalmed Demon Head sitting snug in a jar.
"I'm sorry, gentlemen, but the funeral is cancelled." says the Necro.
"Cancelled?!" says the Barbarian. "Don't tell me you're not ready with the poor guy yet."
"Oh, it's not that. The deceased is all trussed up and as ready as he'll ever be, but the funeral is off."
"I don't see what's the problem here. If you think this is a matter for the Captain, it's not like that. I didn't lay a hand on the guy," continued the Barbarian. "I was walking along the path from Gheed's when this lil' fellow just kilters over and dies at my feet, with all the other adventurers just walking over and around him like he was a fixture in the road. I'm just doing the decent thing in paying for this fellow to be buried in the Rogue Cementary. Surely you can understand that. What's the matter? Didn't we pay you enough?"
"It's not about money. For twenty coins of gold I'll plant anybody in the ground with a whoop and a holler, even ol' Sam here. Nonetheless, I'm afraid I won't be able to do it no matter how much I want to." replied the Necromancer.
"Look, he's not getting any younger. I want him buried. You want him buried. And if he could crawl out of that jar and talk, he'd second the notion. You can't get more unanimous than that."
The Necro nodded his head. "I'd sure like to oblige ya'. But, there's a certain element in the community that objects."
The Druid cocked his head. "To what?"
A grimace of dissatisfaction crept over the Necromancer's gaunt visage. "They say he ain't fit to be buried there."
"In the Rogue Cementary?" asked the Druid in disbelief. "Why, there ain't nothing there but executed cutthroats, brigands, and wayward vagabonds that kicked off under the Sisterhood's watch. And brother, if those guys ever felt exclusive, they're well past that now."
"Actually, I wouldn't put it past them to start complaining." smirked the Necro, a moment before resuming his somber tone. "But the fact of the matter is, they also happen to have been human. And ol' Samâ well, Sam here used to be a Carver."
The Druid gaped. "Well, I'll be... "
"I always thought you just had to be a corpse to get into the Rogue Cementary." remarked the Barbarian. "When did this start happening?"
"Ever since the land got 'civilized'. I tell you, I don't like it myself. No siree. I've always sought to treat every being equally and the same, as a potential future minion."
"If that's the case, then get that jar moving to the graveyard!"
"I can't! My runner has gone and quit on me!"
"He's prejudiced, too." observed the Druid grimly.
"Well, when it comes to taking a chance at getting his head chopped off, he's downright bigoted!" answered the Necromancer.
"Then get someone else to do it!"
"I've got no one else!"
Chris, our Paladin Ranger #1, piped up. "Aw, hell. If that's what's keeping things up, I'll carry the head."
The Barbarian slapped the 20 gold pieces back into the Necromancer's hand as Chris strolled over and scooped up the head.
Vin, our Paladin Ranger #2, turned to a bystander on his right: a crossbow-wielding Amazon, "Mind if I borrow that demon machine?"
"You're more than welcome to it." she replied, handing over the weapon, along with a quiver of bolts. Chris looked over at his new companion and made a slight grin. Vin loaded a bolt, spanned the crossbow, and cocked his head.
"Never played second shot to a pallbearer before."
"Don't worry. We'll make it there." replied Chris.
"Gettin' there is not what I'm worried about. It's staying there that I mind."
Our Paladin Ranger players converge at an incident taking place in the middle of the camp. A Druid and a Barbarian are setting up to leave. A Necromancer, dressed in black, strolls up to the pair to drop 20 gold pieces to the ground, as well as an embalmed Demon Head sitting snug in a jar.
"I'm sorry, gentlemen, but the funeral is cancelled." says the Necro.
"Cancelled?!" says the Barbarian. "Don't tell me you're not ready with the poor guy yet."
"Oh, it's not that. The deceased is all trussed up and as ready as he'll ever be, but the funeral is off."
"I don't see what's the problem here. If you think this is a matter for the Captain, it's not like that. I didn't lay a hand on the guy," continued the Barbarian. "I was walking along the path from Gheed's when this lil' fellow just kilters over and dies at my feet, with all the other adventurers just walking over and around him like he was a fixture in the road. I'm just doing the decent thing in paying for this fellow to be buried in the Rogue Cementary. Surely you can understand that. What's the matter? Didn't we pay you enough?"
"It's not about money. For twenty coins of gold I'll plant anybody in the ground with a whoop and a holler, even ol' Sam here. Nonetheless, I'm afraid I won't be able to do it no matter how much I want to." replied the Necromancer.
"Look, he's not getting any younger. I want him buried. You want him buried. And if he could crawl out of that jar and talk, he'd second the notion. You can't get more unanimous than that."
The Necro nodded his head. "I'd sure like to oblige ya'. But, there's a certain element in the community that objects."
The Druid cocked his head. "To what?"
A grimace of dissatisfaction crept over the Necromancer's gaunt visage. "They say he ain't fit to be buried there."
"In the Rogue Cementary?" asked the Druid in disbelief. "Why, there ain't nothing there but executed cutthroats, brigands, and wayward vagabonds that kicked off under the Sisterhood's watch. And brother, if those guys ever felt exclusive, they're well past that now."
"Actually, I wouldn't put it past them to start complaining." smirked the Necro, a moment before resuming his somber tone. "But the fact of the matter is, they also happen to have been human. And ol' Samâ well, Sam here used to be a Carver."
The Druid gaped. "Well, I'll be... "
"I always thought you just had to be a corpse to get into the Rogue Cementary." remarked the Barbarian. "When did this start happening?"
"Ever since the land got 'civilized'. I tell you, I don't like it myself. No siree. I've always sought to treat every being equally and the same, as a potential future minion."
"If that's the case, then get that jar moving to the graveyard!"
"I can't! My runner has gone and quit on me!"
"He's prejudiced, too." observed the Druid grimly.
"Well, when it comes to taking a chance at getting his head chopped off, he's downright bigoted!" answered the Necromancer.
"Then get someone else to do it!"
"I've got no one else!"
Chris, our Paladin Ranger #1, piped up. "Aw, hell. If that's what's keeping things up, I'll carry the head."
The Barbarian slapped the 20 gold pieces back into the Necromancer's hand as Chris strolled over and scooped up the head.
Vin, our Paladin Ranger #2, turned to a bystander on his right: a crossbow-wielding Amazon, "Mind if I borrow that demon machine?"
"You're more than welcome to it." she replied, handing over the weapon, along with a quiver of bolts. Chris looked over at his new companion and made a slight grin. Vin loaded a bolt, spanned the crossbow, and cocked his head.
"Never played second shot to a pallbearer before."
"Don't worry. We'll make it there." replied Chris.
"Gettin' there is not what I'm worried about. It's staying there that I mind."
Political Correctness is the idea that you can foster tolerance in a diverse world through the intolerance of anything that strays from a clinical standard.