Taming your inner demon

[kandrathe]

So why aren’t I more like my parents? My kids are nothing like I was when I was young because while my wife and I may still argue, we don’t fight (although we did a handful of times the first couple years of marriage, but who doesn't) and our disagreements are more discussions on understanding as we found that ironically most of the time we have the same opinion, but just a different method of getting there so we compromise. My wife and I have mutual respect for one another and share in all the household responsibilities. We are open and honest with one another, and most importantly we are still in love after over 17 years of marriage! I see it in my children’s eyes; they are happy, and they know we love them, and each other.

I didn't have a very ideal childhood, but as I look back now I realize more that my parents did the best they could. My dad was an over the road trucker who drove regional routes, so he was often gone for 3-4 days at a time. His day and night cycles were off, so he often had to sleep during the day. I only had sisters, which actually made me very empathetic to women and their plight. I was often the victim of school bullies, and I'd try to "turn the other cheek" until I couldn't stand it anymore. Then, I'd do something drastic, like break one of their ribs and end up in school detention. I look back now at those bullies, and I realize that they were acting out their own FKD UPness.

While I loved my dad, he was an unpredictable powder keg due to his own upbringing and anger issues. But, there is truth in the concept of "The sins of the parents..." and I too had some issues which I dealt with mostly as he died some 30 years ago. For me they exhibited themselves more as reckless behaviors, in every way you might imagine. What changed me was my marriage to a great women, and I found it healing to be able to tell my parents about how their behaviors affected me, and how I've forgiven them for that. It allowed me to take ownership for my own life and behaviors. But, now my life is too boring.