06-03-2011, 03:29 AM
(06-02-2011, 11:47 PM)kandrathe Wrote: All in all, I think I'd rather charge a machine gun nest than go through the event of giving birth.
Some people say that giving birth is the most beautiful thing. It's not. It's really unnerving just how ugly it is. There's a lot of blood, screaming, and people yelling out instructions - sort of how I imagine a Vietnam prison camp might have looked like. There might even be an unannounced appearance by the local feces band, which likes to attend these events.
When the child is borne, it's all covered in different types of goo and is various shades of purple and the head is misshapen. It also sounds like a banshee. But that's not the end of it, because you have now unlocked the secret "placenta level"! There are no words. It was something out of a horror film.
I'm not even going to describe episiotomies and the stitching thereafter.
Watching all of this was bad enough, but the the doctor had the audacity to ask me to cut the cord. GAH! This was giant pulsating vein that connected my son to my wife, and he hands me a pair of scissors and asks me to cut it. No friggin' way. I could not do it.
I wished I lived in the 50's when the father was banished to the waiting room and smoked cigars while pacing nervously.
Oh, and I bet my wife had it pretty bad as well.